Not a Boy, Not YET a Man

I've come to the final portion of my tribute to A. Thanks for all those who have read along and shared in my journey through his life. He is so amazingly special to me and to remember all these times, its so bittersweet....where did my baby go?

I think this title is so perfect for where we sit now...wish I thunk it up myself but I didn't, I cheated and got it off the song "not a girl, not yet a women" by Britney Hoe...(oooppss sorry Britney fans). Anyway, rambling....

The title is so true, and anyone with teenagers can relate, just you wait readers, you will be me someday! I hear girls are even worse....lol.

Just last year he was playing lego, even now and then I still catch him building a thing or two...or playing figurines...now, he plays differently with them now than he did when he was little...when he was little it was houses and families, now it's war and blowing things up...star wars being the major theme.

I have a boy who still loves mommy's attention, but also wants her to get lost most especially when friends are around.

(First day of Junior High...last time

I got to walk him to school)

What happened to the boy who hugged me regularly, now I have to force/bribe/sneak those hugs....and NEVER in public...we got a secret 'high five' or 'props' for those times.

The truth is I'M EMBARRASSING! Can you believe it? Me, the one who is cool, who can get down to the best of rap and reggee, who use to go to clubs and be the life of any party (okay it was 18 years ago but still), drinking or not....me, uncool...nah can't be? MY parents are uncool! But not me.

Whoops sorry, I totally missed the point of this post...this is not about me now is it? Though I do like talking about me...wink wink...I'll get back to the point.

My point is we're at a crucial point in his life. The same sort of crucial point that 4-5 year olds go through...you know the "I'm not a baby, I'm a big kid" phase. (Did you know my 5 year old just recently said she didnt' want me to walk her to school anymore? She wanted to go alone. WHAT, she's FIVE! Um, not happening dear). Ooooppsss....sorry rambling again....

Where was I? Ah yes, crucial point in life. And it is. Anthony is struggling between needing his parents and not wanting to need his parents.

Because he still has his shy side of him, he's not a social kid with a lot of friends. He has his best friend C, but other than that, he pretty much stays home, on the weekends he's always asking for sleepovers at his friends house....

Around family he's very antisocial, opting out of a lot of "family" things, but if I force him, he will go along, some griping, but eventually getting into it. Sometimes it's embarrassing--especially around others who don't understand him, because he's not "into it" and he makes that known too. It's nothing personal, he's just not interested and well he's got the attitude of "if you force me I'll do it, but I'm NOT HAVING FUN". Joy! I do my best to overlook this sort of rudeness, it's a phase and a fight for control, a power struggle not worth getting into.

He does have a tender side though, if he's hurt your feelings he feels bad and will apologize...and maybe even (shhhhhh) give hugs! (Just don't tell anyone I said that). He's abnoxious to his sister, but she is to him too. But he will play with her, often too rough, but at least he's interacting...I guess. She loves him very much and I know deep down in there, he doesn't really think she's annoying, he does love her. If she is hurt, he will go to her to make things better, or see what's wrong and does help her when he's in the right mood. Same goes with his brother, he is very helpful and giving, and if he sees me stressed, he will ask what he can do to help!

I think what I miss the most is his smiles. They don't come as easy anymore....sure he smiles a lot, but capturing it on camera...totally NOT COOL. Look back and see how sweet his smiles are....now, closed mouthed grins is pretty much the best I can get, IF that. IF I can even get a picture because he's always trying to hide under a blanket or hoodie...I got lots of pictures of those that's for sure. I do hope this is a phase...someone please tell me it's a phase....if anyone knows me, they know just how important pictures are, even if I'm no professional photographer.

He's had his first girlfriend, and his first heartbreak too. Girls are all the rave...thankfully I live in a neighborhood that we are so culturally different that girls are not aplenty....thankfully for me that is, not so much for him. (yes I am snickering here....sorry can't help it)

He's got opinions now, and sometimes he actually makes sense. Negotiating can be quite productive then. Other times I can totally see the "boy" in him though...like just the other day I told him that he had to start showering everyday....he's well...greasy! He told me that showering every day is not good for you, washing your hair everyday will make it fall out and my all time favorite is that it can cause CANCER! UGH. I digress. Anything to get out of showering!!! (I win though...he's showering, with tons of gripes, but clean!)

Connecting with teens is tough. He's got a "personal life"...um....what's a personal life from your mom?? Secrets and things he don't want to talk about with his moooommmmmm.......sigh.....there's the independance kicking in.......and tough for me....I don't want to be discluded, I AM his personal life...or at least WAS.

Thanks again to my awesome IPs who really considered the whole family when they shopped for us at Christmas (which I still think was too much) but got us the Wii. For A's b.day we got him Rockband, and you know what....hubby, me and A all play it, ALL THE TIME! We even have our own band...(I'm the drummer and/or singer....and no there are no windows broken...yet) but what's more, we have shared interest and a connection. Finding ways to connect is difficult with teens, cause remember we're "uncool", but this has really been great this past week. We've played every night and I love love love spending the time with him without the bitching and griping along the way.

I have to say that the teenage years have not been all that bad thus far, then again I know I'm just starting out and well he hasn't learned to drive yet right? I know I know. But for now, I have to say I got a pretty good teen. There is something to be said about having a "homebody" teen, too. He's got his quirks, but he's not into drugs, drinking, smoking, having sex, crime or getting into trouble with police, gangs or anything of the sorts. He asks me to go out, calls when something changes, comes home on time, does his chores, goes to bed on time, listens to his parents, respects the rules, and is doing better this year in school than he's ever done! Sure there is attitude, bitching, complaining, argueing (or expressing ones opinion no matter how dumb it is-is what I've been taught to think of it as), but in the grand scheme of things, I'm a lucky momma!

I got a good kid/ahem man/ahem teenager thus far, and really love and feel blessed that I get to be apart of his life and influence it in my small ways, even if it is for too short a time.

So there you have it, my baby is 14, about to start highschool in the fall, big changes coming my way I'm sure, and time is passing me by. It's been a lot of fun to share tidbits of his life, it's been even more fun to live it....one thing he hasn't lost, he funny sense of humor, even if it is a bit off the wall!

(I had to tickle him to get this)

****Tommorrow is the last one, his actual b.day celebration, guns guns and well...paint?