BOY OH BOY

God's Dream

God made a world out of His dreams, of magic mountains, oceans & streams.

Praries and plains and wooded land, then paused and thought,

"I need someone to stand on top of the mountains, to conquer the sea,

explore the plains and climb the trees, someone to start out small and

grow sturdy, strong like a tree and so.....

He created Boys, full of spirit and fun to explore and conquer,

to romp and run with dirty faces, banged up chins,

with courageous hearts and boyish grins.

When He had completed the task He'd begun, He surely said,

"That's a job well done."

The above poem pretty much sums up my little boy. Growing and exploring, A loved to hike and camp, loved to jump in puddles and play in mud too.

I've never been a "nit pick" in the sense that mud makes a great learning experience and so lets get dressed up and get muddy. Worms are interesting creatures, lets learn about them. I'm not a big "you need to be clean"...dirty kids are happy kids and my boy was dirty often.

A was funny, very funny, still is, he's got a cooky sense of humor. When he was little he loved to make crazy faces (see pics), play crazy pranks, and just be a huge jokester in his own right. He was a goof ball.

He also had a real soft side to him too. He was a momma's boy for a long time, but not too much that I worried he would be clingy. He is shy, I remember one time us going to a birthday party and there were mostly adults and he hide under the table! That didn't happen often but sometimes that shyness comes out in the strangest of places and times...other times he was totally out there, so I think it's how he feels around the people he's with, he was quite sensitive to how other people make him feel/interact with him.

This is NOT my kitchen BTW

He hasn't had an easy life, most especially around the 2.5-6 age....at 2.5 his brother was born, and while many children go through the transitional rebellion and shock and adjustment of having a new sibling, and not be the center of attention, A really got the raw end of the stick I believe. He didn't just get a new sibling, but he got a special needs sibling.

NOW, this post is about MY truths, and MY honesty so please don't bash me, your entitled to your own feelings, and I recognize that, but I also know our family and our truths.

While having a special needs brother is well "special" it is not all fun and games, in fact for A it was very little fun and games. I believe it depends on the disabilities and how much interaction there is as well as the age group. For a 2.5 year old boy, it was not very much fun for A. Not only did he get a special needs sibling that demanded 24 hour care but lost his mom for the most part to the daily needs of said brother. The first year of B's life was utter hell for the entire family, I never wish to go back there. And yet, A got through it like the rest of us. He was tender to his brother, he loved him even if he didn't like the upheavel to his life and family.

A had to grow up fast, having a s/n baby with the issues he did, and a toddler was what I would exquate to like having twin newborns. I COULD NOT get to everything and everyone, there were a lot of tears and frustration on all sides. I have to force my sweet little boy to grow up way too fast. He learned quickly how to get his own breakfast (cerel of course) use the VCR, change channels on TV, get himself dressed, etc. etc. I felt so bad for him for those years, I didn't neglect him, I just couldn't cuddle and spend the time with him that he had or that a toddler "should" get. 6 hours of each day was doing therapy of some sorts, and as much as I tryed to get A involved with it, what 2 and a half year old wants to play with baby toys or do the same thing over and over again. 7 hours of each day was spent feeding and cleaning up vomit, and more feeding, and more vomit. I couldn't just put B down while he fed, despite the G-Tube, he would scream the entire hour the food went in, only to spend the next 2 hours vomitting....that was the first year. UGH. And A was left to watch and listen and not have a momma to play with. Aweful times.

I wish I could go back and change a lot, but I cannot, all I can do is be proud that A survived those years along with us.

A was an awesome amazing child....he had his moments, he had his rebellous times....like the time he was say 7 or 8? and I told him not to throw rocks through the basketball net that was beside our driveway. He didn't listen and BAM, the rock hit our windshield. That was a good $600 repair. Broke the thing to pieces. Looking back, I have to laugh, those are good times, lessons learned, and things I'll miss. Yes I'll miss even that. You will too believe it or not.