Thursday, April 30, 2009

Music and my random thoughts about it

I've been dying to rant about music lately, since I wrote one of A's tributes, I have wanted to scream about it.

So you hear this really great song right? You love it, you hear it often, you sing to it, you learn the lyrics either by practise or get right into it and check it out on the internet. It so suits you, you can see your life pictured in it, as if the song has been written for you/about you right?

Then you just have to check out what the meaning of the song is and so you hunt down the video either through you tube or google, or whatever. And what do you find??????????

HALF NAKED girls, sex, grinding, sex, and HALF NAKED GIRLS!

Um, seriously? Is that what the song is about?

What does this have to do with the song? Where is the storytelling in a video? What has happened to music artist that they have gotton so damn lazy they can't even create a decent video to tell the story of their song? Just flounce around half naked on some mountain and you got a video???

I miss the days when music actually meant something....I miss the days where video's were a powerful way of acting out the lyrics. What ever happened to making money off your voice, and your lyrics, not your body. Seems the only way pop stars become pop stars nowadays is not because of their talent but by how flat their stomache is and how big their boobs are, oh and of course the more you show the better you are.

Then you got these f***ed up stars who can't just do a job for the job but have to someone live the lifestyle too? But not just live the lifestyle, but go way overboard. Just look at Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan, and even Miley Cyris....why oh why does someone want to see a sexually pervocative pictures of teenagers? GROSS!

I miss the days when music actually meant something. Powerful videos are rare now, like Simple Plan's "How could this happen to me?"or Green Day's "Wake me up when September Ends", or Live's "Lightening Crashes", Jhonny Cash's remix of "Hurt", Vicky Nolan's "Find Another Way and so on. These videos are so rare to see, just watch MTV you'll see.

Don't believe me....

I love the song from Britney Spears "I'm not a Girl, Not Yet a Women" the lyrics, their okay too, in fact they could have real meaning. I had to check out the video because I wanted to see the real meaning behind the song.......what the does this video say anything about the song? Here's a link to the was such a dissappointment.

A real crappy week

I've dedicated so much blog time to A's tribute that I've actually got a list of things to talk about! I actually wrote it down too! I think I'm becomming blogger obsessed...nothing like a space in cyberworld to share my rants, ravings and opinions and to think some people actually read them!

Since I got a running list, I thought instead that this post would be a blog about my really crappy week....oh my....but I will try my best to keep it brief because who wants to listen to me rant non-stop.

So the weekend went great, the house was closed with no showings and we were able to just relax and enjoy the weekend.

Then came Monday, and it wasn't too bad, but we had 3 showings that I spent the day trying to clean up, all the while juggling other such things. Would you believe the showings started at 4:30 pm (each having a one hour window) and ended at 8pm. When do we get to just relax?? It got to the point that I was starting to get pissed off, which I know makes no sense, your house is on the market, you want showings right? But after 90days, EVERY day almost, people coming in at all hours, never having just a quiet dinner, I mean there were times we were eating because it's a constant flow of people and well we had to eat!

So we ate, got T off to her dance studio, and on the way back wouldn't you know it my van starts acting up. Not sure what's wrong, but the transmission kept slipping out, and I would step on the gas and it would pop back in...oh dear this can't be good. Well I'm only about 10 mins away from home so I'm trying to get it home, when about 5 mins away I have to pull into a gas station because it starts overheating. I get out and look and there I have a chocolate brown puddle all over the place, look under the hood and transmission fluid is in the coolant and coolant is in the transmission. This can't be good for sure! So I call my friend to rescue me, he drives the van home takes a look at it, makes a few phone calls and suspects the rads gone. Not a bad fix if the transmission wasn't damaged.

Both of us work, so I drop hubby off at the bus stop Tuesday and head to work, come home and have the van towed to mechanic for a professional look. Pick Ian up from work and am finally home by 5:30pm. The entire night I'm juggling phone calls. Mechanic says it's not worth fixing....cost about a grand, and not sure if it will work because he can't tell if the tranny has been damage. GREAT! Just what I wanted to hear. And no the tranny is not worth putting the money into, it's a beat up old van that's got almost 300,000 clicks on it. I hate cars!

And to top it all off....we have a showing tonight and my house is a wreck cause I've spent the entire day and evening on the phone. I cancelled the showing. I couldn't handle it all and felt like I was totally going to cry.

Wednesday after talking with Ian and such we decided to take the house off the market and we'll actively persue buying the other owner out. (He lives in the bsmt apt downstairs, another long story). So I call up the agent and say that's it, we're done. I felt bad, he worked hard and got no money but seriously you know it's enough when your getting mad at your showings and feel like your life is totally upside down. 90 days is too long! Wed night was on the phone practically all night too trying to figure out the van, calling our financial advisor to look into our mortgage situation, calling mechanics, calling this person and that....and yes, getting the van towed back to our driveway. Mechanic doesn't think it's worth fixing, after talking to my dad and my friend Dan their going to try to fix it themselves, cutting the cost of repair in half, and if it's doesn't work...well we tried and we didn't loose a ton of money. Our hope is to get another 6-12 months out of it though....I really hate cars and hate even more wasting money on them, buying them, fixing them, anything, afterall there is no value in a vechile, each year you loose more and more money and well, eventually it's not worth anything. If I had to spend several thousands of dollars, I would much rather it go to house renovations than a stupid car that breaks down, falls apart, can get into an accident and be rendered get the point.

Thursday has actually been a good day. It's such a relief to have the house off the market and a little direction. No word yet if we qualify for such a mortgage (it'll be double what we have now) but pray for us that a lender will love our portfolio and sign on the dotted line. We really need this now.

So that's about it, today everyone will be working on the van, I've got to take the kids tree planting with the cub group and will be driving the donor milk to it's destination, Sunday Bailey got his first invite to a non-family birthday party, so I'm really excited for him.

Anyway, it's been a real bad week with practically no down time, no ability to de-stress, and complete frustration and fear all around. I'm glad it's almost over!

Rant off.....

Guns Guns and Paint?

Like my blogger friend Cyn, birthdays are a really big deal here in our house, often lasting days.
I'm going to try to keep this short and sweet, but then again you know me, my short and sweet might be a novel to you.......
Friday I brought him McCrappys for's a traditional to take him out to lunch but because his wasn't officially till Saturday and he would be having only the one party because it sat on the weekend, we decided to do Friday night dinner out. Last year I put balloons on his McD's but he was pretty embarrassed by that and so I learned my lesson, a quick exchange in the parking lot and super quick HUG...hehehe, I got one in public.
Friday night we went to my 2nd favorite restaurant that is truely too expensive to take the kids so they have never been. Well we loaded them up and headed into Yorkville, one of the most expensive areas in Toronto where there is this great Japenese Steakhouse called Yamato. I love it there, and so did the kids. The cooks cook right there in front of you, it's called teppanyaki, and a real culinary delight! The chefs are skilled with cooking as a performance and do all sorts of tricks...our favorite being the onion volcano. And the food is just amazing! Taylor kept saying "the chef is really good" and then the final comment "I'm going to marry him"...AHHHH!
See pics below (sorry they didn't turn out very good):

Saturday we went and did some GeoCaching....and almost got soaked in a thunderstorm...we were going to do a second one when the storm really started so we'll have to go back. It was really nice, we picked caches in Inglewood area. We ended up hopping over a few fences into a farm area getting our shoes and socks all muddy and wet...yuck! Only to find out the damn pathway, nicely pathed was just a few feet away....ugh....are we dumb or what?

Yes, I look like shit...but hey we're geocaching
Sunday was the party, and we went PAINTBALLING! Well the guys all did, I did not, for some reason getting hit with tiny balls of paint landing myself with welts and bruises all over my body just doesn't seem like much fun to me. I instead took care of the party details in the party room, pictures, and socialized with my family and friends. It was a good turnout, the entire family showed up, and Anthony's friend and his dad. I believe there were 8? players in our group and they left looking like....well just check out the pics.

A got the Rockband set, and my mom got him the Rockband 2 game so we now have 1 and 2. He also got games, computer subs, clothes, money and more! It was a great day altogether.

Sunday night we got home we did some cleanup and immediately got into the Rockband world...hence my previous post on how much fun it really is!

So that was our party, another year come and gone, another, another set of memories! Thanks to those who followed along, it's been a real ride, and I've really enjoyed the comments!

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Not a Boy, Not YET a Man

I've come to the final portion of my tribute to A. Thanks for all those who have read along and shared in my journey through his life. He is so amazingly special to me and to remember all these times, its so bittersweet....where did my baby go?

I think this title is so perfect for where we sit now...wish I thunk it up myself but I didn't, I cheated and got it off the song "not a girl, not yet a women" by Britney Hoe...(oooppss sorry Britney fans). Anyway, rambling....
The title is so true, and anyone with teenagers can relate, just you wait readers, you will be me someday! I hear girls are even
Just last year he was playing lego, even now and then I still catch him building a thing or two...or playing, he plays differently with them now than he did when he was little...when he was little it was houses and families, now it's war and blowing things wars being the major theme.

I have a boy who still loves mommy's attention, but also wants her to get lost most especially when friends are around.

(First day of Junior High...last time

I got to walk him to school)

What happened to the boy who hugged me regularly, now I have to force/bribe/sneak those hugs....and NEVER in public...we got a secret 'high five' or 'props' for those times.

The truth is I'M EMBARRASSING! Can you believe it? Me, the one who is cool, who can get down to the best of rap and reggee, who use to go to clubs and be the life of any party (okay it was 18 years ago but still), drinking or, uncool...nah can't be? MY parents are uncool! But not me.

Whoops sorry, I totally missed the point of this post...this is not about me now is it? Though I do like talking about me...wink wink...I'll get back to the point.
My point is we're at a crucial point in his life. The same sort of crucial point that 4-5 year olds go know the "I'm not a baby, I'm a big kid" phase. (Did you know my 5 year old just recently said she didnt' want me to walk her to school anymore? She wanted to go alone. WHAT, she's FIVE! Um, not happening dear). Ooooppsss....sorry rambling again....

Where was I? Ah yes, crucial point in life. And it is. Anthony is struggling between needing his parents and not wanting to need his parents.

Because he still has his shy side of him, he's not a social kid with a lot of friends. He has his best friend C, but other than that, he pretty much stays home, on the weekends he's always asking for sleepovers at his friends house....
Around family he's very antisocial, opting out of a lot of "family" things, but if I force him, he will go along, some griping, but eventually getting into it. Sometimes it's embarrassing--especially around others who don't understand him, because he's not "into it" and he makes that known too. It's nothing personal, he's just not interested and well he's got the attitude of "if you force me I'll do it, but I'm NOT HAVING FUN". Joy! I do my best to overlook this sort of rudeness, it's a phase and a fight for control, a power struggle not worth getting into.
He does have a tender side though, if he's hurt your feelings he feels bad and will apologize...and maybe even (shhhhhh) give hugs! (Just don't tell anyone I said that). He's abnoxious to his sister, but she is to him too. But he will play with her, often too rough, but at least he's interacting...I guess. She loves him very much and I know deep down in there, he doesn't really think she's annoying, he does love her. If she is hurt, he will go to her to make things better, or see what's wrong and does help her when he's in the right mood. Same goes with his brother, he is very helpful and giving, and if he sees me stressed, he will ask what he can do to help!

I think what I miss the most is his smiles. They don't come as easy anymore....sure he smiles a lot, but capturing it on camera...totally NOT COOL. Look back and see how sweet his smiles, closed mouthed grins is pretty much the best I can get, IF that. IF I can even get a picture because he's always trying to hide under a blanket or hoodie...I got lots of pictures of those that's for sure. I do hope this is a phase...someone please tell me it's a phase....if anyone knows me, they know just how important pictures are, even if I'm no professional photographer.

He's had his first girlfriend, and his first heartbreak too. Girls are all the rave...thankfully I live in a neighborhood that we are so culturally different that girls are not aplenty....thankfully for me that is, not so much for him. (yes I am snickering here....sorry can't help it)
He's got opinions now, and sometimes he actually makes sense. Negotiating can be quite productive then. Other times I can totally see the "boy" in him just the other day I told him that he had to start showering everyday....he's well...greasy! He told me that showering every day is not good for you, washing your hair everyday will make it fall out and my all time favorite is that it can cause CANCER! UGH. I digress. Anything to get out of showering!!! (I win though...he's showering, with tons of gripes, but clean!)
Connecting with teens is tough. He's got a "personal life"'s a personal life from your mom?? Secrets and things he don't want to talk about with his moooommmmmm.......sigh.....there's the independance kicking in.......and tough for me....I don't want to be discluded, I AM his personal life...or at least WAS.
Thanks again to my awesome IPs who really considered the whole family when they shopped for us at Christmas (which I still think was too much) but got us the Wii. For A's we got him Rockband, and you know what....hubby, me and A all play it, ALL THE TIME! We even have our own band...(I'm the drummer and/or singer....and no there are no windows broken...yet) but what's more, we have shared interest and a connection. Finding ways to connect is difficult with teens, cause remember we're "uncool", but this has really been great this past week. We've played every night and I love love love spending the time with him without the bitching and griping along the way.
I have to say that the teenage years have not been all that bad thus far, then again I know I'm just starting out and well he hasn't learned to drive yet right? I know I know. But for now, I have to say I got a pretty good teen. There is something to be said about having a "homebody" teen, too. He's got his quirks, but he's not into drugs, drinking, smoking, having sex, crime or getting into trouble with police, gangs or anything of the sorts. He asks me to go out, calls when something changes, comes home on time, does his chores, goes to bed on time, listens to his parents, respects the rules, and is doing better this year in school than he's ever done! Sure there is attitude, bitching, complaining, argueing (or expressing ones opinion no matter how dumb it is-is what I've been taught to think of it as), but in the grand scheme of things, I'm a lucky momma!
I got a good kid/ahem man/ahem teenager thus far, and really love and feel blessed that I get to be apart of his life and influence it in my small ways, even if it is for too short a time.

So there you have it, my baby is 14, about to start highschool in the fall, big changes coming my way I'm sure, and time is passing me by. It's been a lot of fun to share tidbits of his life, it's been even more fun to live thing he hasn't lost, he funny sense of humor, even if it is a bit off the wall!
(I had to tickle him to get this)
****Tommorrow is the last one, his actual celebration, guns guns and well...paint?

Tuesday, April 28, 2009


God's Dream

God made a world out of His dreams, of magic mountains, oceans & streams.
Praries and plains and wooded land, then paused and thought,
"I need someone to stand on top of the mountains, to conquer the sea,
explore the plains and climb the trees, someone to start out small and
grow sturdy, strong like a tree and so.....
He created Boys, full of spirit and fun to explore and conquer,
to romp and run with dirty faces, banged up chins,
with courageous hearts and boyish grins.
When He had completed the task He'd begun, He surely said,
"That's a job well done."

The above poem pretty much sums up my little boy. Growing and exploring, A loved to hike and camp, loved to jump in puddles and play in mud too.
I've never been a "nit pick" in the sense that mud makes a great learning experience and so lets get dressed up and get muddy. Worms are interesting creatures, lets learn about them. I'm not a big "you need to be clean"...dirty kids are happy kids and my boy was dirty often.

A was funny, very funny, still is, he's got a cooky sense of humor. When he was little he loved to make crazy faces (see pics), play crazy pranks, and just be a huge jokester in his own right. He was a goof ball.

He also had a real soft side to him too. He was a momma's boy for a long time, but not too much that I worried he would be clingy. He is shy, I remember one time us going to a birthday party and there were mostly adults and he hide under the table! That didn't happen often but sometimes that shyness comes out in the strangest of places and times...other times he was totally out there, so I think it's how he feels around the people he's with, he was quite sensitive to how other people make him feel/interact with him.

This is NOT my kitchen BTW
He hasn't had an easy life, most especially around the 2.5-6 2.5 his brother was born, and while many children go through the transitional rebellion and shock and adjustment of having a new sibling, and not be the center of attention, A really got the raw end of the stick I believe. He didn't just get a new sibling, but he got a special needs sibling.
NOW, this post is about MY truths, and MY honesty so please don't bash me, your entitled to your own feelings, and I recognize that, but I also know our family and our truths.

While having a special needs brother is well "special" it is not all fun and games, in fact for A it was very little fun and games. I believe it depends on the disabilities and how much interaction there is as well as the age group. For a 2.5 year old boy, it was not very much fun for A. Not only did he get a special needs sibling that demanded 24 hour care but lost his mom for the most part to the daily needs of said brother. The first year of B's life was utter hell for the entire family, I never wish to go back there. And yet, A got through it like the rest of us. He was tender to his brother, he loved him even if he didn't like the upheavel to his life and family.

A had to grow up fast, having a s/n baby with the issues he did, and a toddler was what I would exquate to like having twin newborns. I COULD NOT get to everything and everyone, there were a lot of tears and frustration on all sides. I have to force my sweet little boy to grow up way too fast. He learned quickly how to get his own breakfast (cerel of course) use the VCR, change channels on TV, get himself dressed, etc. etc. I felt so bad for him for those years, I didn't neglect him, I just couldn't cuddle and spend the time with him that he had or that a toddler "should" get. 6 hours of each day was doing therapy of some sorts, and as much as I tryed to get A involved with it, what 2 and a half year old wants to play with baby toys or do the same thing over and over again. 7 hours of each day was spent feeding and cleaning up vomit, and more feeding, and more vomit. I couldn't just put B down while he fed, despite the G-Tube, he would scream the entire hour the food went in, only to spend the next 2 hours vomitting....that was the first year. UGH. And A was left to watch and listen and not have a momma to play with. Aweful times.

I wish I could go back and change a lot, but I cannot, all I can do is be proud that A survived those years along with us.

A was an awesome amazing child....he had his moments, he had his rebellous the time he was say 7 or 8? and I told him not to throw rocks through the basketball net that was beside our driveway. He didn't listen and BAM, the rock hit our windshield. That was a good $600 repair. Broke the thing to pieces. Looking back, I have to laugh, those are good times, lessons learned, and things I'll miss. Yes I'll miss even that. You will too believe it or not.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Babyhood was a breeze

It really was actually.

I was totally prepared for having a baby, I know one might think, "how can you be prepared for a baby at 18?", but I was. I am the oldest of 3 other siblings, my youngest brother is 12 years my junior, my sister 10, so I did the diaper thing, I have babysat my 3 siblings, and I know it's not the same but I had a good understanding on how babies work, and what they need and what to expect.
So when my own baby came I was ready, and excited and really wasn't a huge adjustment for me. 'A' was really a pretty easy baby, I tried very briefly to breastfeed but the hospital staff wasn't very supportive and gave it up within the first 24 hours. I can't say I really remember much of the sleepless nights but I know I had them. Honestly I just remember holding him and loving him a lot.

When A was 2 months old his "bio father" and I split. I say that because he obviously was not prepared to be a father, and really not a very nice person to begin with. Thinking back I knew that, after 4 years of being with him I was well...just dumb and "needy" then and took what I could get despite how bad it was. It was 'A' that woke me up from my dream of "fixing him", I wasn't having my son grow up in a bad home.
I then became a single mom and was pretty happy with my life. I went back to highschool to finish my last year (I didnt' go when I was pregnant) and then went to college.

Ian and I hooked up when I went back to highschool. He was in his OAC's, they don't have that anymore, and I went back for my 12th year, we had known each other since Grade 9 but were always in different social circles and though friends, and though he liked me, I would have never dated him back then. (Vain...yes, but I was young and dumb and looking for the bad boy). Anyway, when I went back, social shit never mattered anymore, I just wanted someone who would respect me without the need to control or manipulate me, as well as love my son. And Ian was the perfect fit. A was 10 months old when I introduced the two and they were a hit...and it's been that way ever since.
As a baby A loved outside, picking flowers, hugging momma, playing games, and chasing people's feet. His milestones were pretty much met at the appropriate time, and I have tons of stories he would kill me if I shared on a public blog like this. Lets just say he was a great baby, with a great easy going personality.

Here's some pics of him as a are not great, didn't have a digital camera back then and well, I never claimed to be a I was lucky to have a 5mm film camera with no flash...

*****Gosh, I've had a really really crappy day today, and writing this and seeing these pictures really did make it a lot better*******

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Little boy is long gone.....

This week I'm dedicated my blog to my handsome and wonderful son and his life thus far.....

14 years ago I gave birth to my first child. I was living in a basement apartment at the time with my (x) husband, too young to be planning for babies, and yet that was what I was doing. We had a small little place, quaint and pretty, 2 bedrooms and decorated the nursery as best as I could with the budget we had. I was working at (cover my eyes in shame...) Wendy's at the time and was overdue by over a week. I knew he was a boy, we found that out long before via ultrasound.

I was young, and vulnerable, and very niave. I was not aware of infertility or all that can plague a pregnancy and really didn't worry much during it about my sweet little baby. I took care of myself, but maybe not as well as what I would now knowing all that I Folic Acid, etc.

One night I went to bed, my waterbed, bassinet ready to go....just another night really, when I woke up feeling as if I pee'd myself. I ran to the bathroom in shame and on the toilet and waited and wondered all the while severe cramps were taking over my body non stop. I called labor and delivery, because there was no break they didn't think it was labor, afterall contractions come and go, every 10 mins, every 5 mins, every 3 mins...time to go to the hosptial. Not for me, just non stop, neverending pain. I decided that if I wasn't in labor something was wrong and we're going to the hospital. I called my mom and let her know, and told my xhubby that as soon as I got off the toilet I was going straight to the car, he better be ready!

This all happened so fast, too fast. I got in the car and off we went and were at the hospital not more than 35mins from jumping out of bed with the first pains. I could barely sit in the car, I could barely walk in the hosptial and I told them I believed I was in labor and please help me fast! My mom and best friend were on their way.

Then poof....A was born. I'm not kidding, within 10 mins of getting to the hospital, they got me on the bed, stripped my clothes off, realized I was already 8 cm, and within minutes out my baby boy comes. My mom figured I would be awhile...afterall she was almost 2 days in labor with me and it was my firstborn. She stopped for coffee on the way, it was early in the morning (okay middle of the night really) so I don't blame her, and they did go through the drive thru.....they missed it. When they arrived, not more than 10mins after me, I was holding a baby in my arms! My mom was totally shocked to say the least.

A little boy, 6'lbs, 8oz, 20" long, 2:21am.

From laying in bed to holding a baby it was 45 mins. 45 mins...can you imagine! I can't even watch a full show in 45 mins, I can't clean my house in 45 mins, I can't get through my email in 45 mins, but I can deliver a baby!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

My Sweet Little Neice

Oh how fast they grow, I'm telling ya! I only see her about once a month.....sigh, but she is such a delight to be around when I do.

My sister, brother in law (sort of) and my sweet baby neice Moyra came over for dinner on the weekend and we had such a nice time together. I had such a nice time with them. They stayed and watched a movie and it was such a treat just to hang out with my's been awhile.
Moyra is a little doll, I got some really cute pictures of some of her sweet expressions. Enjoy!

She is all about the house now, commando crawling, wanting to check everything out. She's so good with other people too, she totally is into your face. She just LOVES Taylor and Bailey, she was chasing them about and loves loves Taylor's hair....though Taylor doesn't like it much when she pulls it, but it's real cute to see little Moyra flapping her arms trying to get at her. So cute! I just love my baby niece to pieces. She is my first niece on my side of the family and she is a joy to all our lives.
On a side note, I have to say I'm very impressed with my sister and brother in law! She is a young mom, which makes parenting more difficult for some, and yet she has really stepped up to the plate. She is great with Moyra, very protective, and loving, and attentive to her needs. She was meant to be a mother, maybe not so young, but like me really took the role of mom seriously and really enjoys her baby. Now my "brother in law" --which he pretty much is even if they aren't yet married, is really really admirable. Most men his age run away when they learn of being a father. This man has dedicated his entire life to my sister and their baby. He goes to school full time to better his education so he could get a good job, PLUS is working his butt off at a part time job, sometimes 2 part time jobs, plus being a dad whenever he is home. I'm really impressed with him....when I first met him he was the type one might expect to run, kinda goofy and silly, not really serious, but he did a total 180 when he was about to be a dad.

So this post is dedicated to my sister, brother in law and little Moyra.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Court today

And thrown in jail for being a bad, very bad girl. *wink wink*

But I did have court today and the charges were.........

Oh wait I should give you the back story first.
May 2007, my van was making funny noise. Took it into a mechanic I went to and trusted for years and he said it has a small opening? where the muffler and pipe connected. Threw some cement on it and all was good.

For a little while....

By July 2007 it was really noisy, so I had him change the whole muffler and tailpipe.
July 2007-Last month....
My muffler was noisy. Never stopped being noisy. Went back a couple of times to the mechanic and he said it was fine. Looked under the car a few times, never seen any leaks. Went back to mechanic Sept 2008 for the last time and he put his hand over the tailpipe and it made no noise and he said it was fine. UGH.

Last month....police pull me over, proceeded to lecture me about not having a muffler, etc etc and despite the very true and frustrating story I told him, he gave me a ticket, for $110!!!

I signed it back as "Not Guilty".

You see I think of tickets given for people who are neglectful or careless. People who make no effort to follow the law(s), and I do try and this time I believe the ticket was unfairly given. I did make reasonalble and proper effort to follow the law...I was a victim of mechanic scam because they didn't want to replace the warranted muffler that was fixed in 2007.

I went to court today and told the prosecutor that and

the charges were..............

dismissed! I didn't even talk to the judge except to say my name.

Woohooo, but why couldn't that just been done over the phone or through seriously what a big waste of time that was.

Oh well, at least I'm not paying out $110.00

Oh and I did get the muffler refixed by a new mechanic shop and will not be going back to the old one anymore.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

What a week

Has it been almost a week since I last blogged?? Looks like I got some updating to do, how could I leave my blog hanging for so long!

Well Easter weekend went off without a hitch, as you read previously, but the aftermath has been nothing short of difficult.

Did I mention that every holiday it seems someone decides to share their germs with my family and someone ends up sick?!?!

This holiday was no different. Friday before Easter Taylor wakes up with a red eye...oh what fun, we got Pink Eye! Off to the doc first thing in the morning to get meds, for the whole family just in case but definetaly to get Taylor on. Then Sunday night Bailey catches it, he starts meds too. When something like Pink Eye gets in the house, it has it's way of always making it over to Bailey so we pretty much expected this and was kinda sorta already treating him with infrequent eye drops. Once he officially got it, we just upped the drops to the perscribed amount.

Phew, Pink Eye taken care of, easy does it....NOT. Monday was a great day, just hanging around the house really playing with the kids. I HAVE to get my camera out more often because I miss so many great photo opps during these times. Taylor had her dance lessons, Bailey his Cubs, the regular stuff. Tuesday back to work...uh oh, Taylor is sick in the car on the way to work, and I mean SICK...full out throwing up. I had to sadly call work and tell them I wasn't coming in that afternoon (secretly I was NOT sad, in fact I like when the kids are sick, I get a day off!). Of course I take the afternoon off and she is bouncing all over the walls, happy as pie, all day long. Man kids are resilent.

Guess I'm going to work Wednesday. Tuesday night, kids go to bed and oh dear, 10:30pm Taylor wakes up just wretching! AGAIN! My poor little baby, what can I do but hold her hair back as she full out wretched every 5 mins from 10-2am. I felt so bad for her and yet she was like "no big deal, I'll do my thing in the bucket and be over with it", I think I felt worse than she did, she was still her happy little self....

Because of the very late night I opted out of work on Wednesday as well...didn't want to take any chances...and of course was enjoying the very very long break from work with Easter and all. Of course my sweet little monkey was happy as pie all of Wed. and we even went to the mall to get her some new runners which she desperately needed. Sickies all gone, another round of germs tackled.

Thursday was back to work...that's okay the next day was Friday and the weather was beautiful. Thursday night I even went to a candle party and spent too much money. Friday was another good day of the usual, and more great weather! Friday night my sister and brother in law visited with their baby and we had a great time together. Watched a movie afterwards, "Yes Man" pretty funny for a Jim Carey movie that is. I loved it when he had to say "Yes" to the old lady with no teeth, but also makes for a really good phylosophy in life too. A good watch, has some deep meaning if you can get past the stupid yet very adult humor that Jim Carey movies often have.

Today has been an interesting day. Since noone seems to be knocking down our door to buy our house, which I'm not sure why to be honest cause MY house is the most amazing house on the market, we are making some plans to buy D out and take over the entire house ourselves, and completely renovate. This may not seem very important to this blog entry but that's what we did today! We went off to Home Depot and starting looking at various things we needed/wanted to completely renovate the bsmt into a larger bedroom and fancy man lovin media room. (Lets not forget a small corner for my scrapbooking either, wink wink).

Tonight I went over to visit with some friends with Anthony, and played some Rock Band...which I've discovered is a lot of fun despite the fact that I SUCK. Who cares right, we all had a great time and I really like to play the drums, though I did pretty good in the singing part...guess they don't measure actual sound just if you can say the words on time. Actual sound would have killed us all!!!

Thus far it's been a week of ups and downs but kept it interesting to say the least. I'm looking forward to tommorrow...not much planned, and since it's now 2am I doubt I'll even get up for church...naughty me.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009


I am continuously amazed by humanity, by all the people who rally together for a virtual person, a real life stranger and yet a real life person in need.

I went over to MyCharmingKids today

to get the latest update on Stellen, the little guy who is fighting a terrible heart condition and the family who is making it day by day and finally had time to check out the name gallery and am just amazed at so many people who are all praying and rooting and thinking of a little baby they've never met! All over the world people are praying for him, from China to Brazil, one side of the earth to the other. HOW AWESOME IS THAT!

If you haven't seen this name gallery, I highly recommend checking it out....

I too continue to pray for Stellen and his family as they find an end to this aweful struggle.

I too am in awe of the love and affection human kind has for one another, and not just in times of despair.

I too am grateful to know that I belong to this race and that God has brought so many of us together through the internet, through real life, through all boundaries to help each other out and support each other.

I too am thankful for the technology that allows us to do just that.
I am just amazed and so very thankful!!!

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Easter Celebrations-Powerful Questions

It's been a great weekend thus far. Friday we headed out and did some Geo-caching....anyone out there ever tried it? I'm not big into the caching itself but I do love the walks. Anyway kids, hubby and I all packed up and got into the car and off we went to the site. Unload everyone from the car and hubby then realizes............drumroll...........he forgot the batteries to his GPS...ugh.

Now hubby has been to this one before, and we're there right? May as well make the best of it and give it a try completely blind..... Hubby leads us to where he thinks he remembers the treasure being through clues so as to make it fun and after a bit of searching and some minor scratches along the way we (tada!) found it. Good Job Ian!! There we dropped off our travel bug we got from Florida...this little bug (well it was a seal) has travelled over 11, 000 miles starting in the UK. It's goal was to visit as many countries as possible and well we helped it get to Canada...woohooo for us!

Afterwards we just hung out, went for long walks in the sunshine and enjoyed the family time. Got home had dinner and did a "Nip Tuck" marathon....yup, finally finshed the first part of the Season 5 (oh my gosh S, "out there" wasn't even the word for it, my jaw dropped one too many times this season) loving every single minute of it. We now just starting with what's come out this past March as we have it on our PVR.

Saturday was a pretty lazy day....we've closed up the house for showings this weekend, we just wanted to relax and enjoy ourselves, we needed this time as a family and enjoy the holiday.

Baked an Easter cake that turned into a disaster...oh well, everyone ate it stale jelly beans and all, and went to my mom's house for Easter dinner with the whole family (where I fed them the cake...). I still can't believe we seat 13 at our table with my immediate family only. It was a nice dinner and we actually stayed pretty late.

The Easter bunny came Sat night and layed it's eggs ALL OVER my house! The kids woke up to an array of colorful Easter eggs and were delighted to collect them all. I'm sure I'll still be finding them a month from now bunny.

Today we have plans to clean house and prepare to open it back up for Tuesday. We went to church, and actually that is what this post was meant to be about....I really enjoyed the message today, I love going to church (when I can get motivated to get up early enough to go), I always feel great after going, uplifted, ya know?

Anyway, the message was pretty strong today, it was titled "Alive in Me" and based on Luke 24:13-35.

Some questions that stirred up my own feelings (which they always do in our church) I really thought would be nice to post about. Here goes:

1. After reading the above scripture, we were asked to consider that first Easter Sunday morning from the perpective of the two walking the road to Emmaus. What emotions they were experiencing and how might they have reacted when they recognized Jesus' presence?

2. If "the road to Emmaus" is sort of a "road to nowhere", how might you enter into this part of the story? When did you feel like you were on a "road to nowhere?"

3. As they recognize Jesus the story tells us that there was "fire within them"? Could that be the resurrection from them being experienced? When have you experienced that kind of fire and passion in life? How does that contrast with the "road to nowhere"?

4. How do you think about the ressurection on a day like today? What if it were more "heaven coming to us" rather than "us going to heaven?"

These are some pretty powerful questions and whatever one's beliefs are, I think it fits with a lot of different situations and perspectives. I have often found myself going down that "road to nowhere" and had to re-check my internal map and find out what it was I was seeking out, re-evaluate the route and adjust accordingly. I find that when I am on the right path, I feel that fire, that passion, that excitement....when I get off course is when I lose all of it.

So here's to Easter, staying on the right path, keeping the passion and living life as if Heaven was coming to me!

Off the soapbox now, on to cleaning..............

Thursday, April 9, 2009


Easter is a special time in our house, not only is there a religious aspect to it, but also a personal one.

It is a time of death and a time of ressurection. Jesus sacrificed so much for us, only to be given new life in order to guide us better.

For me it also is a ressurection of my own life. It's a time when I look at the previous year and decide what I want to die, and what I want to ressurect. A time when I look at my blessings in life and am thankful, a time when I stop and pause and remember that while Jesus died for my sins, I don't have to keep doing them either. A time when I consider who I am and how well I'm doing following His path.

It's a time of ressurection too, new beginnings. Easter is far more special to me than New Years. Everyone makes New Years resolutions, most dont' keep them. It's a new year, I'm going to do this different....but do we really?

Easter is about new beginnings. Not necessarily about doing things different but finding new starts. For example: New Years resolution may be to diet and lose long does it take to fall off the wagon? New beginnings is about changing your life to a healthy life, lose weight or not, change the lifestyle start a new beginning.

God decided Jesus would have a new beginning, I believe He also wants us too to consider our own new starts, be it attitudes, lifestyles, thoughts or whatever it may be.

So with that, I want to wish everyone a Happy Easter, a toast to the death of the things you don't want in your life and a start to your new beginnings.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Finding Myself....

Feeding Insecurities Spinoff.....

In light of my recent revelation I shared over at Sharing a Dream I have been doing a lot of thinking and soul searching about my life, and my views and perceptions. As I said before I was going to take time to "find myself again" as I feel I've lost some of me along the way and I understand for those of you who don't want to follow along; afterall many of you I met through surrogacy and this blog site is not about infertility or surrogacy and may not be of interest to you. But I need to get it out and if you happen to follow along, great!

Anyway, over the last 24 hours I have been doing a lot of thinking and analyzing who I am and why I am the way I am. I happened to log in and checked out another bloggers site where she had a couple of quotes that really affected me. Thank you Niki for sharing these quotes.

The main quote I have been thinking about was
"We see things not as they are but as we are".

How does that relate to me? Sure I have many titles; mom, sister, wife, blah blah, but who am I? Beyond the titles? I realize I am a product of my upbringing, of my experiences, these things shape me and affect my perspectives on life. They affect the way I think, feel and react. They go deep, right down to the core.

With that being said, what has been my upbringing and experiences and HOW have they shaped me? How have they affected my current relationships? I have spent the last 24 hours looking back and trying to figure this out.

Some it of goes back to the relationship with my mother. I know she loves me, but we are like oil and water and she can hurt me so much. With most other family members you can go about your merry way not worrying what they think, but when it's your mother, for some reason I have placed so much worth into her opinions. I spent my life trying to please her, and feeling like I never suceeded. Often times her opinions of me are negative and I feel like I'm not good enough. The things she says cuts deep, and I believe that affected my own self esteem because I did put so much into what she thought.

Some of it goes back to a previous relationship (my first marraige), I had many years ago. A unhealthy nasty relationship that left me scarred with a low self image.

Another person in my life that claims to be my friend when he's mad will say the cruelest things. I can't get away from this person right now, but I plan to make that break. He is the nicest of people and has helped my family tremendously but if you make him mad, or he drinks to much he can really hurt you with his words. I remember a time he said to me out of the blue "you know your not your daughters hero".....I left the room crying not sure why he said that or what he meant by that.

We all have had people in our lives that have been unkind even when their intentions were good, or just cruel to make themselves feel good. We all have had people in our lives who have affected us, but it really can change you if you let it.

I realized that I have let these people change me, I have let their words affect me.
I put walls up with the people who are most close to me, not wanting to let them too far in. I expect to be hurt from those I love so I go about actually looking for it. I am a jealous person when it comes to sharing people in my life. I hold resentments over family members who have not had to live the life I have. To those around me who are not very close I present as a strong individual, independant, with a good self esteem....yet deep inside I question myself all the time. If I havent' talked to a friend of mine I've known for 22 years now, I wonder what I did wrong. It can't be just because life is busy, but rather I sit and wonder if everything is okay. If someone says something that sounds "off" to me, I wonder if I said something can't be because of other circumstances, instead I feel like I've messed up somehow.

I realized that I am not seeing things as they are but rather as who I am?

So what do I do with it all now? Well, now that I got a bit more of a understanding on who I am, now I have to think, "who do I want to be?". Do I want to see things this way because of my own personal history? Do I want my perspective to be distorted based on those who have hurt me?

I can change this. I have realized that I have control over how I percieve things. I can think positively and trust in myself and who I am and my worth. I don't have to allow those negative self thoughts and doubts overcome me and I most certainly don't have to allow others negative thoughts affect me. It won't happen overnight, it's about retraining my own thinking, but I can do it.

This is my first step to learning about myself and finding myself again...if you made it this far, thanks for following along with my inner ramblings.

Honestly, it just feels so good to get it out of my head.

Thursday, April 2, 2009


First real post on my new blog, woohooo....and a great update coming your way....

Today has been a really nice day, and I'm left feeling happy and alive. Winter sucks, not too many people that by Feburary are saying how much they love the winter, and well, spring is here, or trying to make it's presence that is. And once in awhile you get a day like today that really just lifts your spirits and gives you rolling amounts of energy.

Funny enough, last night I didn't sleep much, so I went to work tired and ready for my nap as soon as I got back. I hope into bed at 10am and pass out right away....nice....but then wide awake after an interesting but not lasting dream 15 mins later. Yes, 10:15, so I lay there and contiplated trying to go back to sleep but I just wanted to get up and go.

Rather than waste my time in bed laying awake wondering if I should get up, I just got up and piddled around the house. I then went to pick up T from school and we headed to my favorite restaurant with a friend and her kids. Chinese buffet, yummm, all you can eat sushi, double yum!

Afterwards we came back to my place, played at the park for a bit, played in the house for a bit and then back to work. Was I tired, you bet, while driving I was feeling the lost sleep the night before and too short nap that morning, but I kept getting a 2nd wind over and over again throughout the afternoon. So much so after work (we work together) I asked my friend and her kids that I spent the afternoon with if they wanted to come for dinner.

So tonight there was 6 kids, and 3 adults in the house and I LOVE IT! It was nice to have company over and the kids all played so well together. We pulled out the Wii (a gift my very thoughtful friends S and B bought my family for Christmas...I'll never be able to thank them enough for that), and we all played, with the kids, as adults, kids on kids, adults on kids, for quite a while and everyone was happy and sharing and just a really nice time.

We kept dinner simple with Chicken strips and homemade fries...afterall lunch at a buffet doesn't leave you very hungry and it was a very last minute invite so nothing was planned, and then it was so nice, we took the kids to the park again, in the evening! It's so nice here, now for some you might think it was cold, it was +10 ish, but for us, well we have been dying to get a break from the negative numbers. Our park trip turned into a walk through the creek and pathways, for over an hour with all the kids. It was after 8pm when we got home. We hadn't done that since fall and it felt soooo good!

My body was just thanking me all the way, as it hasn't had much exercise or fresh air in a long time, and even as I sit and write at 10pm tonight, I'm left feeling really good and not even exhausted as I should be.

Just a great day all around! Springtime here we come!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009


Hi, glad you found me!!! I was afraid of starting up a new blog because I didn't want to lose those I felt were my blog friends in blogger world, and yet I felt that rambling on about my everyday life did not fit the "Sharing A Dream" theme.

So, I decided to begin this blog dedicated to just daily events, and keep the old one dedicated for what it's orginial purpose was, my thoughts on all things fertility and infertility and my experiences as a person sharing the dream of family building in one way or another.

I believe I have grabbed everyone that was on my list, but if I missed you, just be sure to let me's getting late here and my eyes are going buggy.

You'll noticed I transferred a lot of the posts about daily life from the other blog onto here. I plan to remove them in 2 weeks from the other site so that it can go back to it's original theme.

Sorry for the inconvience, but I still want to continue to follow your journies as well no matter what site I'm posting on that particular day.

Thanks for all the support and love being sent my way, and even those swift kicks in the buttocks when I needed it. I really do appreciate it!

Feel free to comment and tell me what ya think, I just love comments and hearing all your thoughts. Have a great night!!!