Baby Daddy

I'd like to dedicate this post to my husband. The father of my children. Fathers Day came and went with hardly any mention of him, and on the 15th of this month my husband Ian turned 32, and I'd like to share with you quite possibly the greatest man on earth, or at least the greatest man I've ever met.

He's not godly, he's not very tidy, he's got no credentials to his name career wise, but he's rare. Men like him, Dads like him are few and far between and I'd really like to share just why I think that.

To do so, I would have to take you back 13 years ago, when Ian and I first began our life together. I was already a mom of a 9 month old son, he was just 18. Some members of his family discouraged him from dating me because I was a "ready made family" and they wanted him to live a little. Understandable, I would say that to my own son. Thankfully he wanted us, me and Anthony, more than the "living a little" that he could have had.

From day 1 Ian took on the role of "Dad". Anthony's biological dad was not in the picture and Ian so wanted to be the one to love, care for and take on that role. In the beginning he was an average dad....learning his way through the ropes, trying to balance a life vs. parenthood and family. He was remarkable in the sense that he was always willing to try and learn.

But he didn't become a GREAT dad until after Bailey was born. You see, Bailey was and is severely special needs. I'm not talking learning disability or ADHD, I'm talking disabled. Special. Ian didn't know what to do. As a kid he never had much experience with special needs kids, and as a teen he well...ran from them. He thought they were well....too different.

Then he became a Dad to one....and it was a hard hard time. For all of us. Bailey was totally dependant on us, much more than a baby. He was tube fed through a tube in his belly for his first year, he never learned to sit until he was 3 and stand at 3 and a half. He never walked independantly until he was over 9. He was diapered until he was about 9ish, and we are just starting night training now at 12.

The first 2 years were difficult, to say the least. Many tears were spent, many it's not fairs, and why me's. Sadness and depression, tension and apprehension for the future...as we didn't even know if Bailey would live past the age of 2 1/2. Thinking back to those days still makes me cringe inside....

Yet Ian didn't run. He stuck through it, with me, with our kids, for us. He could have ran, like many men have and do, the strain on our marriage and relationship was insurmountable. We were only 2 years into the relationship, 9 months living together, at the young age of 20.

I'm not sure when everything started to change, maybe around the age of 3? But something happened, to our entire family, but most especially to Ian. He loved his kids, always, but the man whom he is now didn't start to develop until about then.

I don't even know how to explain it. There are lots of good dads out there, and there are lots of ways dads show their love, but Ian is a hands down #1 dad in my books. He is hands on with all his kids, in almost every activity he does.

One cannot imagine the great lengths Ian has gone to for all his kids, but most especially Bailey.

When one thinks of having a 6 year old and a 4 year old at the park, one thinks of pushing the kids on the swing, then going and sitting on a bench. When one thinks of a family hike, with a 8 and 6 year old, one thinks of watching your kids to make sure they step over the right logs, or don't get too far ahead.

That was NOT our life. Simple things, like hikes and bike rides, were streneous events, and yet there was nothing our family didn't do. There is and was nothing Bailey didn't do. When I watch videos of dads with their special needs son, for many it's inspiration, for me it's a reminder how lucky I am to have such a person as my children's father.

My husband would carry Bailey on his back, and still does at 12, when Bailey cannot do it on his own. They went on 15KM hikes, bushwacking and the like, with Bailey on his back or in his arms, so that he could be included. Babysitters were rare, discluding him was not an option, wallowing in pity and not doing anything was not an option, Bailey came along and he was apart of it all, and he loved every minute of it.

Halloween hikes were always challenging with a wheelchair. Ever try to get a wheelchair to the door of someone whose got steps? But my husband would pick up that wheelchair and off they would go to the door. I couldnt' do it, I'm not physically strong enough, but nothing was stopping -Ian- ahem- Bailey from getting that candy.


Ian would make sure every single one of us was included in the action, didn't matter disability or ability, we were doing it as a family. At 12, there is nothing Bailey has not done that other kids have, in fact Bailey has done much more than many kids have be it camping, hiking, rock climbing and so forth. A lot of that is because of his dad. From building fires, to bike riding, to hiking up the cliffs of Scarborough Bluffs, Ian was there making sure everyone was a part of it, cheering everyone on.

Ian was never the type to sit and drink beers at the beach, that's not a luxury we have, one would think with a 12 and 14 year old, they'd be okay to go swimming on their own....not for us. One of us must always be there with Bailey, and Ian never hesitates. As Bailey gets bigger, those things are difficult for me, he is heavy and big, and I do find myself needing Ian more for that sort of thing.

But Ian doesn't care, if he's needed, he's there. If it meant he had to climb skinny tunnels made for kids, he was there. Those skinny tunnels are not easy to go through, but Bailey couldn't go alone....

One of the greatest things about him is kids really relate to him too, our kids especially, but just about anyone's kids. When our kids were babies, Ian took on every single role except breastfeeding.....that would be weird. Poopy diapers, no problem, medicine, baths, vomit, bedtime stories, didn't matter what it was.

Even now, my husband will get down and play dress up and barbies with his daughter, or gruesome video games with his teenage son. He would bake, have tea parties, wrestle, and run about playing games. He is all about his kids, and his family is his life.

There is NOTHING he wouldn't do, wouldn't play.....you should see the forts with the babies all around in my daughters room! Do you remember I said he wasnt' very tidy? But the clean room is not what kids remember as they grow up, and I dont' really care.......most times. LOL

One of our biggest challenges with Bailey is that he is Deaf. With a capital "D", meaning he is not only Deaf as in he cannot hear, but culturally Deaf. No he cannot hear, no he doesn't read lips, he is 100% American Sign Language. That means, special needs camps, day programs, after school activties are very difficult to find that are inclusive for Bailey. Not only does he have physical and mental challenges, but there is a language barrier.

That didn't stop him though. Bailey joined the Boy Cub program in our area, and the first year, Ian went as his one on one. To interpret for him, to help him be included. The group was great, the leaders were great, but there was always room for improvement.

The second year, Ian became a leader himself. Not just any leader, but the head leader known as Akela....he wanted to make a difference. He changed and adapted the program to be more Deaf inclusive. He taught the other kids to sign through games and play, he talked about special needs in general as well as in Bailey terms. He educated everyone, leaders, kids, and even quarter masters and head masters alike. Ian went above and beyond what many would do.....

Take a look below at all the badges Bailey has earned. Yes Bailey has earned! Bailey has the most badges in his group, but he didnt' do it alone. Each and everyone Ian willingly and eagerly worked side by side and assisted without doing. Bailey did it, but could never have done it alone. And each and every badge, Bailey is so proud of.

It doesn't stop there, there are two other kids in his life and world. Like I said, there is and has never been nothing he wouldn't do. (Okay breastfeeding AND giving birth).

But how often do you see a man in frilly hats and nailpolish? My husband would do that to make his daughter happy. She is his world as much as he is hers. I can only pray that bond continues on throughout their entire life.

Having a teenage son is difficult, challenging and interesting. Ian has a way of finding the funny in most things, he is socialable and personable and patient. And when he is struggling as many parents do in the teenage years, he totes right along with me to the parenting seminars and workshops to learn how to be an even better parent.

My husband has supported me through 2 surrogacy journies including 7 weeks of bedrest through one of them, without ever a complaint. Not because he has something to gain, but because he knows the joys children bring to his own life and truly wants others to have the same. He cannot carry babies himself, but if he could, I know he would! And he encourages me in my dream, how can I ever repay him that?

I'm one lucky wife, and my children are lucky kids. My husband does not aspire to play golf on weekends, or go drinking with his buddies. In fact he's happy just being home with his family....okay xbox now and then too, but you know what I mean.

Sadly he doesn't have many friends who understand that, they want to go out and do "guy" things, but Ian just chooses to be with us, in fact I think I may go out more than he does!

He works hard each and every day, at his job, but it's just a job to him....he has said to me time and time again that there is nothing more rewarding than coming home and being with us, being with me, and his kids.

How could one possibly ask for more?