My life my world

Come back Summer, Come back!

2010-08-31T19:07:00.000-07:00

6 more days left...6, that's it and then summer will be gone, or summer vacation anyway. I'm so sad....I know I know many of you work through the summer and I should count my blessings...

and I have...

and I want more!

Greedy aren't I.

It's been a good summer, after last summer doing reno's the entire time we decided not to do ANY renos this year, and we haven't. Rather it's been more fun than anything. I have soooo enjoyed the kids this year, just hanging out with them, all summer long. Of course I have still been working my other job with the agency, but mostly that's from home so it's a different feel than getting up at 6am to head on a bus with kids in tow....

Summer has gone fast....lets see...

We got a yearly membership to the zoo, so we've been to the zoo a number of times. And also a yearly membership to 5 parks in the Halton area, so we've spent quite a bit of time at the beach.

We've been camping at LongPoint in the sand dunes with my sister, her bf and my sweet little neice, and while that trip was wracked with issues...tornado the first night, major clean up the next morning, the van side window falling out..yes falling out!, rain the last few days...it was a really good trip. Believe it or not. We had great wonderful hot weather for most of the week, and very little bugs. Camping in the sand is not easy, but the beach, oh my, I just love Long Points beach!

We did another camping trip at Sibbald, it was aweful! It rained the entire time, the ENTIRE 4 days we were there, day and night. We ended up leaving a day early, which I have NEVER done! But seriously, rain, non stop in tents...so not fun.

I have to say I wasn't too happy with the beach either. Wasn't very big, very rocky and the water it was so rocky and not so nice. The few hours (yes hours not days) that it didn't rain and we did spend at the beach, well, just not like Long Point. Most likely, we wont' be going back.

We've done trips to the parks around here, walks, backyard campfires and bbq's, watched movies, played games, and just hung out!

Taylor and I have been working very hard on her reading and I'm happy to say she's reading into a Grade 2 level now!! She was really behind in December in her Grade 1 year (at a Kindergarden level), and so I started working with her at home. Now she's jumped almost 2 levels in just 8 months. We've been working with sight words and the hooked on phonics...I do really like the hooked on Phonics program...

Bailey turned 13, and we celebrated it in the rain at the beach. We didn't expect it to rain, it wasn't suppose to rain...but it rained. Such is life. By 1:30 pm it was pouring, (just 2 hours into it) all the guests including my entire family was soaked right to the bone and we couldn't pack up fast enough. They were all troopers though....helping me pack up....beach birthdays are not as easy as backyard parties...

Last weekend we spent the day at Niagara falls. We took the kids on the Journey behind the falls, and the Maid of the Mist (been years since we did that), and as a finale, some golf at the dinasaur mini putt. Oh and of course the walk along the falls...during the day AND at night. The traffic however, both there and back was HORRENDOUS! (hmmm, I know I spelt that wrong) 3 hours...each way...for an 1 1/2 hour trip.

Ian and I also celebrated our 10th anniversary this year. 10 years, married a decade. Many didn't think we'd make it, and if we were any other couple with our circumstances we might not have. But we have gone through it, a decade of ups and downs, sickness and death, joys and laughter, highs and lows. All marriages have them, just not usually in the short time span we have. And you know what....we did it, and have many great memories of the years gone by. I look forward to what the next 10 years hold with my husband....a great man, who puts up with me and all my quirks, bitchy days and mood swings. We make a great team....and I'm a lucky person.

I didn't take many pictures this summer, to be honest I just haven't really felt like it. Like carrying around the camera...and well most days I look like crap in my potatoe sack dresses that I LOVE for summer wearing...hair done up, etc. The kids in their summer clothes, hair tied back, half of it all messed up from swimming, playing and the heat....

and well, just too busy having fun to stop and do photos. Just another summer, here and then gone before you know it. There will be fall photos for sure...when the weather is cooler and kids want to sit still long enough to get some good ones.

So that's the summer in a nutshell...or a blog post. It's been a great summer, and I'm very lucky to be able to be home and enjoy it! I know that and am very grateful!!

And now it's fading....and fall begins. Back to work Sept 7th, for another long 10 months.

Until next year.....

Simple Pleasures

2010-07-07T22:57:00.000-07:00

Let's go fly a kite! When was the last time you flew a kite? Been so long for me...and yet the smile on these faces, made me realize just how much we have been missing out.

A colorful kite flying in the gentle spring breeze,

Fluttering and swinging in blue skies

Makes one watch the maneuvers for hours,

Sends one's heart in the joyous free rides for hours.

Enjoy the little things; for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.

~Robert Brault

Need your help!!!

2010-06-14T17:34:00.001-07:00

Hey an update...and it didn't take me long to do it.

Not much really new to report, just counting down the days to summer vacation!

9 days to be exact!

Well there is a little news....I started a new blog for surrogacy...if your interested you can check it out at:

http://2dads1surrogate.blogspot.com/

Hmmm, what else.......oh, we may be going to the East Coast this summer. New York is out which was the original plan. Anybody been to the East Coast? We could really use some advice.

Okay so here is the plan....

We're driving there and camping. But not sure where we're camping or what places we're going to see....any recommendations?

Where should we go first? I think I'd like to see PEI since I'm a Green Gables Fan...so that's definately gotta be in the plan.

What about the other attractions...what's good to see/do in the East Coast of Canada?

Oh some other info, we're bringing everyone...so 2 teenagers (Anthony's bringing his friend), Bailey is coming, and my daughter whose 6. We're planning on taking 10 days, that includes travel. We're going the last week of August, first of September.

Any help/advice/suggestions is very much appreciated!

P.S. I imagine there is ocean...duh, but can you swim in it? Where's a good place to go?

A very busy spring

2010-06-04T19:03:00.000-07:00

Wow, March was seriously my last post???!!!! I'm in major need of an update!

Well lots has happened...I'll let the pictures do the talking.......

We enjoyed lots of time with my sweet neice Moyra

And Taylor had a school play...so cute! All in french, imagine that!

We went to Disney on Ice....if you haven't been I highly recommend you go!

Anthony turned 15! He got Guitar Hero, and enough money to buy and IPOD touch!

Mothers Day came and went....here is my surprise! It was huge and the kids did all the baking. :)

Yes, that's right, we got a trampoline! It's been a lot of fun, and great therapy for Bailey too!!

Finally got to some renovations. We had to take down the old popcorn ceiling and put up new stuff in the kids rooms. Then Taylor took over the boys old room (the bigger room), painted it purple and white...her color choice, and Bailey took Taylors old room, painting it a modern blue and white...his choice. Changed the doors and the handles...They look great! (P.S. Removing popcorn is soo not fun!)

Enjoyed lots of spring time walks and bike rides

Anthony joined his school Jr. Rugby team....and is really good! His team made it to the semi-finals, not bad for first time players. :) I have to say I have really enjoyed watching him play...and the game itself, very fast, very fun, very scary at first to watch as a mom with her baby out there.

Taylor graduated from Sparks. She is now officially a Brownie.

And today, Taylor went off to her first away camp without mom and dad with the Guiding Group. She is joining a bunch of sparks, brownies, girl guides and patherfinders. Over 300 girls left today for their weekend camp! I hope they have fun!

Other things we did that aren't captured in pictures:

Worked

Eat

Sleep

Play

Oh sorry too basic...well that was the majority of the weeks, except for a few things in between.

I joined Survivor Boot Camp again. And outdoor exercise program with a personal trainer

I helped my girlfriend paint her entire apt in a weekend

Had 4 Sick Kids appts for Bailey and 3 other appts in the months of April and May

Had Jury Duty roll call...after 3 trips in to the courthouse, all cases were resolved so they didn't need us afterall.

Bailey went to Disney World, on a first class private jet....no pictures developed yet...sorry, though it was an amazing experience all thanks to "Dreams Take Flight"

Helped my sister and her hubby moved into their first apartment

Got all my spring cleaning and purging done for the season

Visited my friends J and E, and their new twin baby girls. CONGRATS!!

Dinner, a number of lunches out, dinner events, and gathering of friends thoughout the last few months, always nice to get together with friends.

Had a few barbeques, and afternoon teas..okay not tea, but you know what I mean.

And lastly got myself on my bike again after a bit of a tune up and new seat! I missed my bike.

So you see it's been a crazy few months with a lot of big events going on, but I like being busy, it reminds me I'm still alive and kicking.

Now...since it's been so long...I wonder if anyone is still around?

Feels like spring!

2010-03-19T15:52:00.000-07:00

Another 50th b.day this March, so we took a trip up to celebrate Ian's sisters big 50! Yes there is a HUGE age gap between Ian and his sister, but who cares, whats a number right?

Off to Parry Sound we go....and boy was she surprised to see us!

Happy Birthday B!

It just so happened that a friend of ours who has a cottage up there was also going up with my 2 brothers. How lucky for us, cause we didn't have to pay for a hotel for the night and intead made a weekend of it! Went up Friday night and came back Sunday. Once my sister found out that we were going up too, she and her hubby and daughter came too!

Here's where we stayed...

Gorgeous ain't it? Can you believe that a cottage that big has no inside bathroom though? In fact, no water at all....outhouses and lake water to wash in. No worries, we brought our drinking water and well roughing it is like second nature to us campers.

It was so hot that most of us didn't even wear jackets. Here's Ian pulling Bailey out on the lake, despite the heat, there was lots of ice and snow! I love this picture!

And here is my sister Jen and her daughter Moyra, Jen sure is looking like a movie star out on the ice

Spring was certainly coming as the birds were really alive and active. Watch this video, it's short, but really neat to see!

Did you see that? YES, birds were landing in our hands to feed, on our heads all over, tons of them! There must have been 5 or 6 of them!! The blue jays were out too but wouldn't get this close. Here's some pics, their just so neat to see...wild birds!

Taylor was just tickled PINK

In between the bird action, there was some time for ice fishing as well....below is my brother teaching Taylor how to ice fish...

I really like the black and white feel of the pics too

I can hardly contain my excitment...winter is almost coming to a head.

Happy Spring everyone!

SPECIAL VISITOR

2010-03-13T18:10:00.000-08:00

So I'm still playing catch up here, bear with me.

On Feb 22nd we had a very special visitor come to OUR house.

Can you guess by these pics who it might have been?

Yes! The TOOTH FAIRY!

And of course she left Taylor behind a HEAFY $5.00! Lucky girl I think!

**********************

On the 27th, little miss also got her haircut.

It was a sad, sad day for mommy. All those beautiful baby curls, that long beautiful hair, just gone. Donated for a wig as per Taylor's request. So so sad.

But she still a charmer...my gosh I"m in trouble when she grows up.

MEN-o-PAUSE

2010-03-10T18:19:00.000-08:00

You might be thinking....wwwwhhhhaaattttt.....

What can a youngen of 32 got to say about the big "change" of life.

After being on Lupron, which is a sneak peak into what it might be like for me in 10-20 years, I can relate to a lot of Men-o-pause symptons...and well, my mom can't seem to get through it....I keep asking her if it ever ends cause she's been "changing" for 10 long long years.

The point?

I took my mom to see...

and I'm telling you, it was laugh out loud, hit the floor FUNNY! If you ever get an opportunity to see it, man or women, in menopause, going to be in menopause, or already been through it, this is one hilarous musical you will totally enjoy!

pic off the net

Just mom and I went and oh my lord, I wish I was crying from laughing, and the happy high lasted the rest of the night.

Afterward the musical we headed over to the Pickle Barrel down in Toronto for some yummy yummy food, and even yummier cheesecake.

On the way there we past Dundas and Younge Square...and they were starting the Men's Olympic Hockey Game...on the way back they were in overtime! We decided to hang around outside at Dundas Square with about 300 other folks and watch it on the big screens there at the park. And well you already know, WE WON!

A great day to be Canadian!!!!!! We won the OLYMPIC GOLD!!! Yeah!!! You can imagine what the street was like, the hootin and hollaring, every car in sight honking their horns, the dancing and the cheers, it was so fun to be in the middle of it all!

Here is what I saw...

Here is what I thankfully missed...

Yes, we left just 20mins before everyone spilled out of the bars and eateries....there was over a thousand people in that square and when I got home and saw on the news that we missed it by only 20mins, I am thankful....I love a good party, but a crowd that big on a Sunday night was a bit much for me traffic wise...afterall they shut down the streets!

All in all, a great day. From one happy event to another, and a great feeling of pride for us as

WOMEN and CANADIANS!

The big '50'

2010-03-09T07:00:00.000-08:00

My mom, turned the big '50' this year! Can you believe it?? Okay to some she may seem young, but seriously, half a century...you go MOM!

So to celebrate for 6 weeks prior, my sister and I have been planning a HUGE b.day celebration. Both my brothers, my sis and I chipped in some moula and rented out a place, sent out the invites to almost 100 people, had others spread the word, got refreshements and food, decorated the venue........man it's a lot of work to plan a big party!!!

Feb 20th, over 60 people gathered together to celebrate 50 years of my mom's life. Some friends who only knew her for a short time, some family whose known her for a lifetime, co-workers, neighbors and the like. It was a AWESOME event!

What made it even more special is that my Aunt and Uncle flew out from Alberta to surprise her at this party. I never expected them to do that, but they don't see her very often and they knew how special that would be for her, and so that Friday night they flew in, and Sunday they flew home.

That was especially hard for me. You see it was a surprise party, my mom had no clue. I bought tickets to a play for the following weekend, and then edited the date on them, did some photoshopping so she thought she was going on the 20th. In the end, there were tons of clues to give it away and she knew...but still, we tried and had her guessing all the way. Anyway, it was hard for me because here Uncle and Aunt were flying out, and yet, do we keep their trip in a secret? If we do, she wont' get much time with them as the party was Sat night. If we don't, she'll definately know about the party and it will all be for moot. It was a hard decision but we all agreed to stay on course and make it all a big surprise.

And surprise it was! While she pretty much knew about the party, she had no idea who would be there. We had family in from all over Ontario! And...well...Alberta too! Plus some of the co-workers and friends she hadnt' seen in a long time....it was a very shocking for her. Tears and sobs are the BEST reaction for a party such as this! And my mom was sobbing!!!!

You see, my mom and I, we dont' mix well, we are both very opinionated, only she loves to push her opinions on me, and often times are like oil and water. BUT, at the end of the day, I love her and know she loves me. At the end of the day, she is special, she is loving and caring. And those who meet her and get to know her see that! We had over 60 people at the party, 3/4 being friends, she has touched a lot of people in her life, and a lot of people really love her too.

So the party was a huge sucess! We had Karoyke, and the place was packed!! I also did a video montage of my mom's life that ran all night on the TV...from the time she was born to present day....most of her childhood pics she had never even see before because they were all on slides. Thanks to my Grandpa who mailed me the slides, and I got them printed to the tune of $70 for 30 pics!!! (crazy eh?), the video was a hit too. I know she loves it and I'm happy to have done that.

I'm happy to have made my mom's day special. And moreover, I'm happy it's done!!!!! It was a crazy 6 weeks prior, but well worth it!!!!!!!

AH-HA!

2010-03-08T17:39:00.000-08:00

I found them....after literally SEARCHING my comp for HOURS, I finally found the pics to the blog post below....WOOOHOOOO!!!!!

Here they are, our trip to Niagara!

For those who have never seen it, here's a great shot of Niagara Falls in the Winter...looks cold eh? Well it is!

And of course a couple of family shots at the Falls...not so great, but remember, it really IS cold!

We did some fun things too, here we are at one of the moving theatres, and lunch at one of my favorite restaurants, The Rainforest Cafe. Food, average, ambiance, AWESOME!

Lastly, a nice shot of Ian and I on our Valentines dinner. Yes, I know...I'm really behind here.

Valentines...and Family Day

2010-03-04T07:33:00.001-08:00

Crap...I had a shit load of really good pictures, but I think I dumped them accidently? I checked my recycle bin, can't find it anywhere. I'm so upset!!

So no pics, but I can say we had a great time. Because Valentines was the day before Family Day, we sort of celebrated it together.

On family day my entire family, my brother and his wife, my sister and her 'husband' and her daughter, my other brother and his girlfriend and my parents all head to Niagara Falls for a night of family, fun and relaxation together. We've done it every year since family day started 3 years ago.

So...that's where we were. My son babysat (and made a ton of money) for a few hours while us adults went to dinner for Valentines night, then my mom stayed back while we grabbed Anthony and took him out and did the Clifton Hill thing, went through good ol' Nightmares...which we all LOVE and Frankinstein which is sort of dull to say the least.

Monday was family day and we went and did some bowling at the new bowling alley there, and walked the hill down to the falls. I had some really really great pictures...I'm so upset they're all gone. Where oh where could my pictures have gone????????????

Other than that, not much else happened...it was a happy weekend and nice to spend it all together as a family.

Oh, yeah, and I got my haircut. No official pictures of that, but you can sort of see in in this one....

It's already March!

2010-03-02T15:34:00.000-08:00

Time is sure slllliiipppppinnnngggg by me, faster than you can imagine!

I can't believe it's March, and it was late December since I last posted. Shame on me! Sigh.

January was a pretty dull month...so I don't really have an excuses, except to say that there really was nothing to blog about.

Februray has been very busy, with tons of events and activities and over the next few days I plan to blog all about it.

March is here, so I have some catching up to do....stay tuned!

Christmas Spirit

2009-12-28T17:14:00.000-08:00

Christmas come and gone but the memories forever.

Everyone who knows me, knows that Christmas is my favorite favorite holiday. In fact I tell them all too often, lol, but it's true. I can't put my finger on why exactly, but I'm going to try in as short amount of words as possible.

Each year we head to church on Christmas Eve for the uplifting celebration of Jesus's birth. What a glorious day that was, and a time to celebrate. It always bring me great joy to know that someone, somewhere is looking out for me, had died for me, is walking this life with me. And it all started with the birth of a baby, a baby sent from God.

Christmas is about Hope and Faith

Christmas Eve is at my house and has been for well over a decade now. It all started out with a friendship when I was 10 years old with a little girl named Michelle. Soon after our families became friends and we became like sisters. If you do the math, that was 22 years ago. Over the last year my 'sister' and I have hardly spoken, let alone seen each other. Simply our priorities were wrong, and we've somewhat let it go. Christmas Eve is a time to all get together with our extended family, and as tradition has it, our 'extended family' join us despite our lack of involvement recently. With good food, carolling, and lots of laughs. We both agreed that we needed to set our priorities right again for the new year.

Christmas is about Rebuilding and Renewing Friendships.

Taylor in the Chocolate Fountain

Each morning we all wake together and race down the stairs to see if Santa came. The stockings are hung by the fireplace, and the next morning they are filled to the brim by a jolly ol person. The kids are filled with delight as they see the room magically transformed with Santa's surprises.

Chrismtas is about Magic no matter what age you are...

After our Santa gifts are complete it's tradition to have a tiny junk food breakfast. In fact every year Toaster Strudell it seems to be. Last year I went the Pop Tart route and got an earful. Afterwards we head over to the tree where the family gifts are randomly placed. Anthony wore the Santa hat and handed out the gifts. We all took our time opening each one and marvelling in joy each gift brought.

Christmas is about the joy of Giving

align="left">Seeing the looks on each others faces it precious. It makes everything building up to Christmas worth it. Seeing the looks and expressions of children, is even more delightful. It's like living life through them and going back in time.

Christmas is about Re-visiting the child in you.

After our presents are all done, it's time for a proper and rather large breakfast. With bacon, eggs, toast, and goodies a plenty. We all sit and eat together and talk about the morning...

Christmas is about Appreciation

Then we head over to my mom's place. Sometimes it switches locations, (mine) but it's not the house that houses the family but the people in it. What's special is we all get together. For a big family like mine, there are lots of mixed personalities, some like oil and water, some like butter and a microwave, but despite it all, noone in my family would ever miss getting together for Christmas. We put aside our differences, and cherish each other and how lucky we are to all be together.

Christmas is about Peace and Love

This year my Dad spent many hours working on a special project for his two grand-daughters. A trunk that can start off as a toy box and grow with them through the years to be a Chest. He did this with love, he did this because he wanted something special for them to last a lifetime, and it is beautiful.

Christmas is about Thinking of others

Christmas means so much to me, there are not enough words. But it's more than presents and food...it's friends, family, smiles and laughter. Memories and sweet nothings.

Christmas is about Happiness, Kindness and Care

So you see there is a lot to Christmas or whatever holiday it is you celebrate, that no matter who you are, or where you come from, you can take something from the holiday and use it all year long. I try my best to use all things that Christmas brings and keep it up through the year, and though we faulter, if we remember the spirit of the holiday, we'd all be better off.

I hope you had a Happy Holiday, that you found the same Spirit that I do each and every year.

Just 5 days till Christmas!!!!!

2009-12-18T22:59:00.000-08:00

I can hardly believe it, it's been a worldwind of events, activities and emotions that well...there is just 5 days left till XMAS!

Xmas is my favorite favorite holiday, not season, but holiday. In case I haven't told you in the past.... :D

Can't say I've been doing much to update on except attending school plays, Christmas Shopping, Christmas Parties, preparing for the new year, and well...more shopping. ;)

Taylor had her school play, she sang in both French and English, oh my it was soooo cute!

Bailey, wow, I am just amazed! He too had his school play and the improvement from last year to this year is striking! In his sign, in his mobility, and comprehension, I have videos of his last year's performance and am just delighted over his accomplishements. He was so cute up there, did his entire part without any help. >>>>>Proud Mama here <<<<<

We go tommorrow to get Santa pics done at the mall, but we did get them done earlier with a Santa at the dentist office at their party, but it's not the same. Still I got some pics, beware, cute pic alert.

Not much under the tree yet, got lots of wrapping to do this weekend, and a housefull of laundry, and a table filled with neglected paperwork. Whose got time for paperwork when I'm having so much fun shopping?

Tommorrow we're doing a mini extended family Christmas party....my Grandpa is leaving for Alberta this week to visit family so we're doing a little something something to say Merry Christmas before he goes.

That's about it, I'll let the pics do the rest of the talking.......

Tickled Pink

2009-12-04T16:00:00.001-08:00

/hihi

So as you may have noticed I've been revamping my blog...

Normally, I call my favorite ~~techie~~ friend Sarah to help me figure things out. Afterall I think she is the blog Queen. Bowing to you S :)

But, at some point I had to venture out in the world of Html, and start figuring some of this stuff out on my own. Many many hours later, late nights and a few curse words I got some new stuff going on.

Like I know how to ~~strike~~, I can't believe I didn't do this before! I just love it!

And notice my Christmas countdown? And my visitors count. Oh wait, I revamped the entire Html for my template, to adjust the sizes of the side bars, add a picture slideshow, which originally didn't fit!

And now my latest is this /wahaha How great is this!!!!

I'm just tickled pink of my success! It's a good day today!!!
/bye

Pee, Poo, Litter Boxes and Fur

2009-12-01T19:19:00.000-08:00

Tell me again why I got cats?

Somedays I wonder why....

....when I'm cleaning up the poop from in front of a CLEAN litterbox because my oldest cat Jake won't poop in it.....

....when I discover pee on my brand new carpet or in my CLEAN basket of laundry from a cat I can't seem to figure out which one

....when I am vacuuming up fur off the new Chicago chair in the bsmt cause Malik thinks its the new bed

.....when their literally climbing IN the Christmas tree looking for goodies to play with

why, oh why did I get cats?

Then these moment happen and how could I have resisted? They are just so darn cute! In the rare moments they are good...

Who needs presents?

Eyes that smile

2009-11-29T13:00:00.000-08:00

Is this a face an auntie can resist? Her entire face lights up when she smiles...her eyes even smile. How darn cute is this girl. I'm just LOVING being an aunt, LOVING having a baby in the house, gates, car seats, strollers, diapers and all.

I think I'm in trouble....or at least hubby is anyways........a whole other week to enjoy this precious face!

New Journey, New Blog

2009-11-28T23:00:00.000-08:00

Cyn, you catch on quick...lol. Yes, there is a tidbit on my sidebar, and well, time to make the official announcement. I'm beginning a new surrogacy journey, and with that a new Surrogacy blog. If your interested, here is the link!

http://growingfamiliessurrogacystyle.blogspot.com/

Weird

2009-11-27T19:21:00.000-08:00

That's really the only way I can describe my week...with it's ups and downs. Very tired, very busy, and I got my niece here with me during the day as I'm babysitting for the next two weeks.

Hubby got pulled over in the car because he didn't have a sticker AND couldn't find the registration papers. Okkkkaaaayyyyy. He got a warning. Police went back to his car and typed in our plate numbers and says theirs no registry on it for this year, that the plates expired in July.

Weird, I KNOW I put a sticker on there, I know I paid for one. Check the file cabinet, thankfully I'm sort of organized, yup, I paid for one, I think, the reciept is not clear. But I swear I did.

So down to the licensing office today, guns ablazed, ready for a big arguement that will sound something like:

"I paid for a sticker",
"we don't have it on record ma'am"
"that may be so, but I paid for one and here's the reciept"
"I'm sorry that's no good you'll have to get another"
"What! You have got to be kidding me!"

well, all that conversation planning...you know when you get all worked up and think of what your going to say and what you expect them to say in return?

all of it was a waste. Weird...

She looks up my plate and says "yup you paid" so the conversation went something like:
"yup I see you paid"
"but the police says I didn't"
"well it's here that you did so they must have made a mistake"
"but they typed in my plate and nothing was there"
"well they must have typed it in wrong"

Ooookkkkaaaayyyyy............okay, thank you. So I need another sticker, someone must have stolen it off the back of my van, "$7.00 please", and that was it! New sticker problem solved...and by the way, the registration was in the van to begin with, with proof on that that we did pay...ahhhh, my sweet completely dependant husband, what would he do without me?

Thank God for warnings....do you think the cop lied and there really was proof we paid when he typed in our plate number? Do you think just a warning was his way of saving face?

So a down turned to and up.....gotta love roller coasters. This was the way my entire week went.....one word, WEIRD!

Decorate

2009-11-27T19:18:00.000-08:00

Decorate the house.
Decorate the yard.
Decorate the bus.
Decorate the heart....and yes, gotta decorate the blog.

The holidays are coming, just check out my countdown ticker below, 27 days! My favorite holiday of the year.....squeal!

2009-11-25T11:04:00.000-08:00

Nat got new lungs!!!!!!! I'm so excited for her and her family, but she will continue to need our prayers as her fight on the other side continues. Wishing you all the best and all prayers being sent your way....to you Natalia and your family. See my blog below if you wish to follow her story of inspiration, love and life.

Also, it has come to my attention that not always is it enough just to sign your donor card, you can register your wishes to donate organs at this site:
http://www.giftoflife.on.ca/page.cfm?id=3F79E442-F7FD-4057-AA63-7B0279A17EF1
for Ontarians. If your not in Ontario, visit this site:
http://natandmarty.blogspot.com/2009/11/on-comeback-tour-how-you-can-help.html
it is a post on Natalias blog on how to locate a registry near you.

Thank you to the family that donated for Nat and her family, through your own sorrow and loss, you helped save another, that IS a TRUE gift. And to all those out there who have donated or agreed to let their loved ones donate, it is a remarkably selfless act of kindness and love.

Thank you.

Have you signed your donor card?

2009-11-15T01:43:00.000-08:00

I got lots to post, lots to catch up on...but today, at 4:45 in the morning, I just want to ask you...

Have you signed your Organ Donor Card?

For the last 2 years I have followed a courageous story of a women fighting for her life, a friend, a blogger, and fellow mother and wife, fighting with CF, awaiting new lungs.

If you don't know her story but would like to, you can go to her blog:
http://natandmarty.blogspot.com/

it's a frank and honest blog about her struggle to stay alive for her husband, and baby, and her amazing look at life, even in the middle the most difficult moments. Follow along.

The point of this blog, YOU can save lives, sign your donor card today, talk to your family about your wishes, give the gift of life.

Have you signed your donor card today? I have.

Still here and lovin life!

2009-10-20T15:53:00.000-07:00

Still here, all is good. Not much new to write about really, same ol same ol. Life is good really, busy but good!

Since I've last blogged we've had Taylors 6th birthday, and I'm totally sucking at blogging lately so I'll have to catch up one day with Bailey and Taylor on their history blogs. But yup she turned 6, we had a little family dinner and went to play mini putt, and then a big party over the weekend, a surprise party. That's all she wanted for her b.day, was a surprise party, and no word of a lie, this little girl, barely out of diapers, CRIED! Yes, CRIED, she was so HAPPY! Um...seriously, that much emotion in a little body. It was beautiful, then she made me cry...I'm a total sucker for tears, especially tears of joy!

Been busy with work and kids social events, playing taxi more this year than ever before. It's nice though, I don't mind, I just hate the dinner rush, trying to fix something good in 15 mins or less is hard. Any suggestions? Good recipies? I'm all in if you got any.

This weekend was nice, Friday night I went with a friend to see New Moon, no worries, I won't comment on it, except to say it was much like Twilight acting wise, kind of dissappointing and they will never match with the book. (Most movies don't anyway). Either way it was opening night and fun to join all the teens in their excitement...brought me back to my own teens.

Yesterday was a day for the kids. Taylor learned all 26 of her sight words this week, so I took her and Bailey for a treat to Kiddieland...(and indoor playground). They had a blast really. Last night we headed off, my mom, Taylor and I to join my aunt, uncle, Grandpa and other family to see my cousins figure skate. Their in syncro skating and are absolutely beautiful on the ice. It was a 'gala' for them and always fun to go and cheer them on. I got pics, I'll be sure to share a few.

Today was busy and yet I haven't left the house, but we got a lot accomplished. I got all the house cleaning done, the laundry, bills, paperwork and filing (yeah...I don't really like paperwork), and then would you believe it, we put up the CHRISTMAS TREE!

So fun, I'm already in Christmas mode. We missed the Santa parade so will have to sneak to another city to catch theirs, but doesn't matter, I'm in Xmas mode. Time to start the shopping, because both trees (yup 2) are empty underneath.

Yes, 2 beautiful wonderful trees, one in the rec room in the bsmt, and one in the living room. The house is decorated, the moods is chipper and well...is it Christmas yet?

Next week I got my niece Moyra with me in the mornings. In fact her mom's in a job training so I'll have her for 2 weeks or so...maybe more, maybe even up to 4. I'm looking forward to having a baby in my house, we'll see if that gets things going for me, or has me saying, nope no more, that's it.....

So that's my quick (but not so quick updaate). Kind of boring to read about.

Before I sign off can I just ask, if anyone is reading here anymore to please extend your prayers to my friend Natalia and her family. She has CF and is facing the battle of her life right now and could use all the support we can give. You can read her inspirational fight for life and love here:
http://natandmarty.blogspot.com/

Night.

Gotta get out of here

2009-10-19T18:51:00.000-07:00

Run away, hide, no seek, whatever you might call it I had to do it. Last minute decision, which is how my life often times goes, I booked a hotel, played hookie from work, took the hubby and kids and just ran. Well, drove.

Off to Parry Sound for the weekend, no computers, no technology, very little contact with the home world, and we had a great weekend.

I have to say that life has been so busy, between house, work, errands, people, someone wanting something, something always having to be done, I was about to loose it. I know my limits though, and so we ran away, 2.5 hours away.

Ian has family up in Parry Sound we hadn't see in almost 2.5 years. So we thought why not take our reprieve up there, kill 2 birds with one stone.

Our hotel was.......interesting to say the least. I have to say I really liked it, great amenities! Fab, room. Pool, hot tub, sauna, fitness room, squash courts, tennis courts, playground, gazebo, hiking trails, lounge (ie. small bar with pool tables), and restaurant all there. PERFECT!

The kids loved the pool, we swam a lot. And Anthony was having some really good workouts in the fitness room too. On Sat night Anthony stayed in the room with the little ones once they were asleep and Ian and I snuck off to the lounge for a game (or two) of pool with his sister and husband who met us there. It was nice, Ian and I rarely go "out" together so it was nice to be able to go out and yet still be 'there' at the hotel.

For dinner on Sat, Ians sister B had us all over. It was really nice, a great visit and yummy roast dinner! It was a real treat to sit there like old times...been so long since we all just sat around her table! Thanks B!

Sunday was spent hanging around the hotel enjoying more amenities, and then a trip into town for a walk. Started off on the railroad tracks, I was so hoping a train would pass by us, no luck. Then a very very long walk of geo-caching through various parts of the town. All Ian's sisters where there, J, B and M as well as M's kids, and we had a great time...though 3 geo-caches in a day was a bit much for my old worn down body. 2.5 hours of hiking, the weather wasn't terrible though.

Afterwards we went to J's house and met up with her husband and son and had dinner there. Another real treat...with some yummy food. It definately helps to cut the cost too, as it's very expensive for us to go there. It was nice to see their son V as well, the kids all played so well together.

Sadly, we didn't get to visit much with Ian's sister M or her kids, besides the walk. I guess we were suppose to go there for Sat morning breakfast, but I didn't know of the plans, and so we sort of stood them up, unintentionally. I felt so bad when I learned of this, and we were hoping they'd be able to come by after supper on Sunday. Next time I guess.....

So that was pretty much it, or the logistics of it. What made it interesting....well...

Where we were staying, in the building we were at, a pipe burst! Yeah, you heard right, and it made for some interesting adventures. Water problems seem to follow us everywhere!!!

It wasn't in our room but a couple of rooms down. It all started Sat morning...we had no hot water. Ummm, I desperately needed a shower.......no hot water....cold shower? No way! Went to front desk, gave me another room to shower in in another building. Ooookkaaayyyy, off I go.

All day Sat, no hot water. Sat night, horray hot water! Sunday morning kids go to use the toilet, no water pressure! Umm, front desk can we get a plunger? They come in, the water pressure is too low to flush the toilets. Guess not all is fixed.

Oh dear, another pipe burst in yet another room! Hot water gone, oh wait, so is the cold. No water at all! Off I go to use another room in another building just to pee!

Sunday night we get back from town, water is working! Pressure is good, hot water, nice. But wait, water coming out of taps and toilet is like.....MUD! I mean MUD! Yuck. Front desk again, what's going on? Tell me it's normal...um, no it isn't. Bottled water please? Thank you.

Brush our teeth, off to bed, wake up, water is clear. Talked to manager and got a free night and complimentary breaky for two, woohoo! Guess they still needed to flush the line after all the plumbing problems, hence the water color.

Anyway, it made for some excitement, but still better than camping in a tent! (and using an outhouse) All in all, a fantastic time!

However, in my haste of fast packing and quick escaping...I fogot the camera...shite. So no pics this time. Sigh........

A balloon and a curtain

2009-10-19T18:06:00.000-07:00

There are many things I miss about babysitting, those baby cuddles, feeding time and well, being able to just experience life through a baby's eyes.

Last week I got to babysit my niece, Moyra. She's about 15 months now and just too cute for words. Around me, she's really quiet, but last week I got some smiles and coos out of her. This is the 2nd time I got to babysit, so it was a real treat.

Now baby toys are scarce in my house, they went out when I stopped daycare and Taylor (ahem, 'I') outgrew them. BUT, years of experience has told me, who needs baby toys?

First time she came over, pots and pans were the star, nothing like the clamour of a wooden spoon and some good ol noisy pots. What a blast we had together making some real original tunes of our own.

This time around, a balloon and a curtain! Peek-a-boo was the winner through my curtain, and well not many kids don't like balloons....notice the drawings? Taylor likes balloons too!

Oh and the cats, following, watching, reaching out to touch them, laughing at them, yes those furry moving things with bells on are always pretty interesting here.

My favorite part, feeding her her bottle and having her fall asleep in my arms, ahhhh, sweet bliss, a little angel nestled in to me asleep in la la land. I actually asked Jenn to take her time getting home so I could get those cuddles in. 15 month olds only slow down at bottle time and I had to grab every chance I could get..wink wink. So mom did some errands and sweet pea fell asleep in my arms while I just soaked up all the angelic-ness I could.

Mom came in to find us all cuddle up, she knew how much it meant to me so she just quietly snuck in and sat and joined us, without waking the princess. Then....

The phone rang. UGH. Cuddle time over, sweet pea saw her momma and well, I was dissed. Oh well, the life of an auntie. I did get a good 15 minutes though....ummmm, just thinking of it brings joy to my heart.

October, really?

2009-10-03T10:15:00.000-07:00

Can you believe it? Where did September go, where did the last 3 months go actually.

I keep saying that over and over again but when I get a chance to finally sit down and blog, I'm literally shocked each and every time at how fast time is going, I want it to slow down, I NEED it to slow down, I feel like I'm losing in the battle of time.

Lately I've been working about 45 or so hours a week, somedays more. This is work, not renovations or home life. Add 3 kids to the mix and home life, you know, errands, phone calls, cleaning, laundry, and well it seems I have very little time for anything anymore. I know it will slow down...eventually...but when? That's what I would like to know, please tell me when? I keep saying, next week, next month, and all the while there is always something new, some new crisis to keep at bay, something that takes my time away from free blogging time.

Not saying that life isn't good, it's GREAT, but I miss blogging. I miss reading about all of my blog friends, I miss posting pictures and well just sitting about at the computer.

I also miss scrapbooking. I haven't scrapbooked in almost a year and a half, I am someone who use to scrapbook every Friday night....it's packed away and hasnt' been brought out in a long time.

I miss my friends, I miss parties and social gatherings, I miss chatting on the phone, ya know?

But here in my house, with exception of my "social" being low, life is really really good. Any free time I have had I've spent with the kids, I find that as kids grow the work load doesn't really get lighter, it just changes. And it's fun from beginning to end. I still want to get to the zoo again before it gets too cold, maybe the Halloween Haunt might be a fun thing to try out??

Taylors started her sparks, Bailey has moved up to Scouts and Anthony remains in Ventures. All the kids love it, and I love that they love it. We also attended Taylors 1st school council, which went really well, and we go to meet Bailey's teacher on Monday as we couldn't do the 'meet the teacher night' because we had another engagement that we couldn't get out of and was booked long ago. That's another thing, despite there being 2 of us, we are constantly having conflicting schedules and even if we split up, there are still sometimes things we cannot go to or attend...how does a single parent of multiple children do it? CRAZY!!!

The house is looking good and clean...okay maybe not right now, but clean enough. Today we need to take whatever spare time we have and get the garage cleaned up and the bar started. I really would like to have that done by Thanksgiving, cause for some crazy reason I volunteered to have Thanksgiving here!

AHHH, half the time I do it to myself. Well at least I'm alive, and life, my life, keeps me alive.

Life is good!

Hello? Anyone still around?

2009-09-25T08:37:00.000-07:00

I feel like I've been in Mars, it's been so long since I last post, I'm so out of the loop on everyone else, but it's nice to be back and have somewhat of a life back too.

So just a quick update: The basement is DONE! Well, all except for the bar/scrapbooking area, we'll be working on that slowly and have that done 'hopefully' by thanksgiving. We didn't do it alone though, friends, family members all came to help here and there, and it has been much appreciated, and a special thanks go out to all of them.

This basement project has been the most challenging thing we have ever accomplished. We have learned so much about ourselves and each other throughout the project, our skills, our talents, our weaknesses and struggles. I have learned that I hate hate hate drywalling and mudding, hate it with a passion. Cyn in the last post said drywalling should be easy, I would think so too, big pieces easy project, get it done quick and smoothly. NOT SO! LOL. I can laugh about it now, but not so funny then.

Big pieces = HEAVY pieces! One forgets that each and every outlet, switch, strange corner or turn, and do-dad has to be cut out EXACTLY right, get it wrong, do it all over again. Sigh....we had a few of these, near the end I was getting really frustrated...went on the internet to see if there was an easier way and well...lipstick, believe it or not is the magic solution. Too bad I was almost done. Oh well, I am done now.

Mudding, well it sucks. Not so much the mudding, but the sanding, oh the sanding. So much sanding, such a mess, so much sanding, such a mess...ooopppsss did I say that already? Not kidding here.

Installation, not bad...itchy, but not horribly frustrating like some projects.

Hubby has learned how much he detests plumbing. After 4 full days working on the shower taps, he finally got it so where it doesn't leak...the pipes not the taps, taps were new. Word of advice for rookies like us, do as much sautering as you can outside, or unhooked to other pipes. Much much easier. Wet taps = poor sautering, poor access to piping = poor sautering, poor sautering = leaking pipes.

Best part, carpet day. We had installers come and after they finished I just layed on the carpet, rolled around a little bit, and just layed there looking at the half finished ceiling. It felt so good. I just love it, and well, just felt so good to get to those final stages.

Putting lighting in, building the new stuff, setting up furniture, hanging the TV, shopping....not for building supplies but real shopping girl style, best parts for sure! I haven't owned a new couch in 10 years, I just love the new furniture!

Hubby has learned a new skill, he's really good at putting in pot lights, and most electrical work. Taylor is just fantastic at working a drill....can you imagine? My 5 year old girl working the drill like a pro. We had a video of her giving us step by step instruction on how to work the drill but then the battery died...it was really cute though.

Bailey was all into the little projects, the biggest was helping out with the installation. He was measuring and cutting and handing tools, he was an awesome help.

Anthony, as teenagers go, tried to stay as far away as possible. Though he was around when we needed him or said he had to help out and I think he gained some inches on his biceps and triceps with all that heaving lifting he did. Carrying from outside to the bsmt, 25 sheets of drywall alone will add on some muscles. He was an awesome help.

I found I love laying ceramic floor. It's fun, really, I did enjoy it. I also loved building walls and stud work....a girl always loves a good stud...hehehehe. Honestly I have learned that I'm pretty talented, I can do this, I did do this, with very little outside help. (Okay internet doesn't count). I come from a family of carpenters and I'm happy that those skills didn't just go to the boys. I spent over 16 hour days down there, some nights *ahem* mornings, I'd see 5am. And yet I kept going. I really wanted it done before school started, and I got close, we had many many setbacks, and only ran 2 weeks overdue as last week it was officially done enough I could say done.

All in all it's been one hell of a 6 weeks. We have all been tested to the limit, individually, in our marriage, as a family. I am amazed and impressed how well we did, and what we accomplished as a team. It wasn't easy, a lot of blood, sweat, and tears, (even I had a few breaking moments of tears), but a lot of laughter, jokes, fun and memories. We made it, we did it, and we did it together. Here are some pics for everyone to enjoy. Next post will be a more "average" update, kids schools, work, etc.

Thanks for hanging in there, and rooting us on, we all really appreciate it! Here are some pics...

Walls go up...

Me wiring something or other

The truck is here the truck is here. Drywall, installation and trimming all arrive.

Bailey helping with the installation

Taylor learns how to tape and mud drywall (we gave her the space under the stairs, this is her space, where she worked. This is her "playroom" but really its intended to be the toy storage. She loves it there, and she worked very hard on it. She did it all, taped it, mudded it, sanded it, and painted it pink. Great job for a 5 year old! (With a teeny tiny help from mom)

This is my friend A. What an amazing friend she is. She knew housework was piling up so she came over and believe it or not, helped me FOLD my laundry!!! I couldn't believe it and was just so appreciative of her help and kindness. The day this pic was taken A spent the evening with Ian and I sanding the mudd on the walls. Words can NEVER express my thankfulness for the time and love she shared with us. Man were we dirty after all that sanding...

And the moment I've waited so patiently to announce....the finished project!

Looking from upstairs to downstairs

That's the laundry room door)

We recycled a door and used it as the door under the stairs leading to Taylors playroom. She wanted a window in the wall, AFTER we had drywalled, mudded and painted. I said forget it, not happening, but we did get her a peephole. She loves it!

Here little toy area even has a light...gotta see the toys ya know

She did this, not bad eh? Maybe Miss Priss has some carpentry skills in her blood too??

This is it! The rec room....colors are blue grey, grey carpet even though it looks tan, blacks and whites.

Notice the little details. We're so proud. Potlights in the drop ceiling. Drop ceiling looks whats the word...maybe a bit French? Not sure, but I love it. (You'll see bar cabinets....their still in the making).

Gosh I just love it so much!

Now on to Anthony's room....he's already Chrisened it with his mess....not 1 hour after moving in he was putting up posters. Ugh...but it IS HIS room, so who am I to say. I have to say that he picked the color and when he did, I hated it. (Though better than black which is what he really wanted). I thought it was awful. Putting the first coat on was very dificult for me, it just looked so bad. Anthony helped put the second coat on and he loves it. Well, once the carpet went in, and the trim up, I have to say it looks pretty good.

And yes it's a terrible mess.....but it's all his to live in and I can shut the door :)

Now the bathroom....new floors, new counter and sink, new tub surround, new fixtures, new ceiling light and fan (though the fan hole has some repairing still left we'll have to figure out), trim, paint, decorations and such....all new except the toilet. Though I did put in a matching toilet flush level...matches all the rest of the doors in the bsmt....it's all in the details right..!!

And that's it! 1 for the record books that for sure!

Chugging along here

2009-08-23T15:03:00.001-07:00

No pics uploaded to share as of yet, just wanted to give the quick update....

Installation went up and we finished the drywalling around 3am last night. Today we started mudding. I have to say out of the entire project thus far, drywalling I liked the least, in fact, didn't like AT ALL!

It took us what seemed like forever and we never felt like we were getting ahead. I'm happy to say it's all done.

Not much time to enjoy the summer, but hopefully within the week, the basement will be done and I can get a life again!!!

Pics to follow in a few days.

P.S. Today is Bailey's Birthday....I'll have to do his big memory thing next month.

August only half over...

2009-08-13T06:58:00.000-07:00

Well not quite, but summer is quickly going and not very good weather I might add.

Tis okay, perfect summer to renovate, going to be crappy might as well be holed up in a basement right? But we have had some time (teenie tiny bits here and there) to do some fun stuff. Like go and visit our friend 'B'!

We had a great time and her little guy is getting so big! Spent the night, had martinis, and just enjoyed each others company. Because I'm in the "design" phase of our own house, I also took the opportunity to steal some of B's design techniques which I love (thanks B) and figure out my own style too.

I would love to write more, but time is short (I'm lucky to be on here at all) and until mid-Septemeber, all my time is spent in the dungeon...ahem, basment.

Once I got home from B's Dan hadn't move out yet and I was getting antsy. Ian and I were sitting out in our backyard at our very old and dingy patio table and I mentioned to him we needed a patio table set. Hubby comes back with how he didn't want to get a table (we never eat there anyway) and that he would rather have a "conversation patio" style.

So after some careful planning I surprised him with this.....

Would you believe I put it all together myself. I was up till 4am....including the swing, just me! He loved the surprise and we all love our backyard OASIS. It even has a fountain (see the wall attached to the door). The couch swing is our favorite. Can't say we've used is much......

Because, moving day was just around the corner. Here are some pics....

Before

Demolition....even the kids were involved...(you should see Taylor with a drill....AWESOME!)

Mess Part I (we hauled away over 3 tons of crap, had to rent a U-Haul 14' truck and load it up top to bottom, back to front, could barely close the doors. Would you believe I was the one that ended up having to unload it at the dump? Damn dump, closes too early and hubby had to work....but I got in done, in just over 2 hours!

Once the garbage was removed time to check things out....ummm what's this? And this? And this and this and this????

5 foundation cracks, 3 that were actively leaking, 100 tie rod holes, 9 of them actively leaking, 3 windows, 2 actively leaking, 2 drain pipes, 1 actively leaking, need I say more? The water leaks that came from the house was just incredible!

Step 1-Call plumber for drain pipe (after watching them could have done it ourselves...SHIT)

Step 2-Fill all the tie rod holes in foundation....all 100 of them with hydrolic cement...DONE!

Step 3-Call foundation guy to do the 3 active cracks....holy shnaz they cost a fortune! DONE!

Step 4-CRY.....too much money spent already

Step 5-move on, suck it up and keep on going. Fix window leaks with blow foam. DONE!

(All the while we continue to rip out the old...mold all over the drywalls and grown in the mastic of the vynal floor glue...)

Step 6-Rent a floor maintainer, sand the floor. DONE!

Step 7-Cry because of the pain....I now have carpal tunnel I think.

Step 8-Suck it up and keep on going, paint and seal concrete floor. DONE!

Step 8-Finish the tear down DONE!

Step 9-Begin buliding wall for bedroom again. DONE!

Step 10-Start framing to put in new drywall, fix studding problems on ceiling and walls. MOSTLY DONE!

TAKE PICTURES of recent development....hopefully today......

It's coming along, drywall gets delivered on Saturday......

Going away

2009-07-27T16:02:00.001-07:00

I'm going away!!!! WOOHOOOO!

Renovations are pretty much at a half till Dan moves out...we got the garden done, will post pics when I get back....but for now, I'm excited to say I'm off southbound...okay not far southbound, but 2 hours or so.

I'm off to see my friend B (remember the one who adopted baby C?) who I always have a great time with. I've been invited to spend the night and do a pool party thing, so I'm taking the 2 little ones tommorrow and off we go!

I'm so excited..........will update when I get back.

Baby Daddy

2009-07-20T16:49:00.000-07:00

I'd like to dedicate this post to my husband. The father of my children. Fathers Day came and went with hardly any mention of him, and on the 15th of this month my husband Ian turned 32, and I'd like to share with you quite possibly the greatest man on earth, or at least the greatest man I've ever met.

He's not godly, he's not very tidy, he's got no credentials to his name career wise, but he's rare. Men like him, Dads like him are few and far between and I'd really like to share just why I think that.

To do so, I would have to take you back 13 years ago, when Ian and I first began our life together. I was already a mom of a 9 month old son, he was just 18. Some members of his family discouraged him from dating me because I was a "ready made family" and they wanted him to live a little. Understandable, I would say that to my own son. Thankfully he wanted us, me and Anthony, more than the "living a little" that he could have had.

From day 1 Ian took on the role of "Dad". Anthony's biological dad was not in the picture and Ian so wanted to be the one to love, care for and take on that role. In the beginning he was an average dad....learning his way through the ropes, trying to balance a life vs. parenthood and family. He was remarkable in the sense that he was always willing to try and learn.

But he didn't become a GREAT dad until after Bailey was born. You see, Bailey was and is severely special needs. I'm not talking learning disability or ADHD, I'm talking disabled. Special. Ian didn't know what to do. As a kid he never had much experience with special needs kids, and as a teen he well...ran from them. He thought they were well....too different.

Then he became a Dad to one....and it was a hard hard time. For all of us. Bailey was totally dependant on us, much more than a baby. He was tube fed through a tube in his belly for his first year, he never learned to sit until he was 3 and stand at 3 and a half. He never walked independantly until he was over 9. He was diapered until he was about 9ish, and we are just starting night training now at 12.

The first 2 years were difficult, to say the least. Many tears were spent, many it's not fairs, and why me's. Sadness and depression, tension and apprehension for the future...as we didn't even know if Bailey would live past the age of 2 1/2. Thinking back to those days still makes me cringe inside....

Yet Ian didn't run. He stuck through it, with me, with our kids, for us. He could have ran, like many men have and do, the strain on our marriage and relationship was insurmountable. We were only 2 years into the relationship, 9 months living together, at the young age of 20.

I'm not sure when everything started to change, maybe around the age of 3? But something happened, to our entire family, but most especially to Ian. He loved his kids, always, but the man whom he is now didn't start to develop until about then.

I don't even know how to explain it. There are lots of good dads out there, and there are lots of ways dads show their love, but Ian is a hands down #1 dad in my books. He is hands on with all his kids, in almost every activity he does.

One cannot imagine the great lengths Ian has gone to for all his kids, but most especially Bailey.

When one thinks of having a 6 year old and a 4 year old at the park, one thinks of pushing the kids on the swing, then going and sitting on a bench. When one thinks of a family hike, with a 8 and 6 year old, one thinks of watching your kids to make sure they step over the right logs, or don't get too far ahead.

That was NOT our life. Simple things, like hikes and bike rides, were streneous events, and yet there was nothing our family didn't do. There is and was nothing Bailey didn't do. When I watch videos of dads with their special needs son, for many it's inspiration, for me it's a reminder how lucky I am to have such a person as my children's father.

My husband would carry Bailey on his back, and still does at 12, when Bailey cannot do it on his own. They went on 15KM hikes, bushwacking and the like, with Bailey on his back or in his arms, so that he could be included. Babysitters were rare, discluding him was not an option, wallowing in pity and not doing anything was not an option, Bailey came along and he was apart of it all, and he loved every minute of it.

Halloween hikes were always challenging with a wheelchair. Ever try to get a wheelchair to the door of someone whose got steps? But my husband would pick up that wheelchair and off they would go to the door. I couldnt' do it, I'm not physically strong enough, but nothing was stopping -Ian- ahem- Bailey from getting that candy.

Ian would make sure every single one of us was included in the action, didn't matter disability or ability, we were doing it as a family. At 12, there is nothing Bailey has not done that other kids have, in fact Bailey has done much more than many kids have be it camping, hiking, rock climbing and so forth. A lot of that is because of his dad. From building fires, to bike riding, to hiking up the cliffs of Scarborough Bluffs, Ian was there making sure everyone was a part of it, cheering everyone on.

Ian was never the type to sit and drink beers at the beach, that's not a luxury we have, one would think with a 12 and 14 year old, they'd be okay to go swimming on their own....not for us. One of us must always be there with Bailey, and Ian never hesitates. As Bailey gets bigger, those things are difficult for me, he is heavy and big, and I do find myself needing Ian more for that sort of thing.

But Ian doesn't care, if he's needed, he's there. If it meant he had to climb skinny tunnels made for kids, he was there. Those skinny tunnels are not easy to go through, but Bailey couldn't go alone....

One of the greatest things about him is kids really relate to him too, our kids especially, but just about anyone's kids. When our kids were babies, Ian took on every single role except breastfeeding.....that would be weird. Poopy diapers, no problem, medicine, baths, vomit, bedtime stories, didn't matter what it was.

Even now, my husband will get down and play dress up and barbies with his daughter, or gruesome video games with his teenage son. He would bake, have tea parties, wrestle, and run about playing games. He is all about his kids, and his family is his life.

There is NOTHING he wouldn't do, wouldn't play.....you should see the forts with the babies all around in my daughters room! Do you remember I said he wasnt' very tidy? But the clean room is not what kids remember as they grow up, and I dont' really care.......most times. LOL

One of our biggest challenges with Bailey is that he is Deaf. With a capital "D", meaning he is not only Deaf as in he cannot hear, but culturally Deaf. No he cannot hear, no he doesn't read lips, he is 100% American Sign Language. That means, special needs camps, day programs, after school activties are very difficult to find that are inclusive for Bailey. Not only does he have physical and mental challenges, but there is a language barrier.

That didn't stop him though. Bailey joined the Boy Cub program in our area, and the first year, Ian went as his one on one. To interpret for him, to help him be included. The group was great, the leaders were great, but there was always room for improvement.

The second year, Ian became a leader himself. Not just any leader, but the head leader known as Akela....he wanted to make a difference. He changed and adapted the program to be more Deaf inclusive. He taught the other kids to sign through games and play, he talked about special needs in general as well as in Bailey terms. He educated everyone, leaders, kids, and even quarter masters and head masters alike. Ian went above and beyond what many would do.....

Take a look below at all the badges Bailey has earned. Yes Bailey has earned! Bailey has the most badges in his group, but he didnt' do it alone. Each and everyone Ian willingly and eagerly worked side by side and assisted without doing. Bailey did it, but could never have done it alone. And each and every badge, Bailey is so proud of.

It doesn't stop there, there are two other kids in his life and world. Like I said, there is and has never been nothing he wouldn't do. (Okay breastfeeding AND giving birth).

But how often do you see a man in frilly hats and nailpolish? My husband would do that to make his daughter happy. She is his world as much as he is hers. I can only pray that bond continues on throughout their entire life.

Having a teenage son is difficult, challenging and interesting. Ian has a way of finding the funny in most things, he is socialable and personable and patient. And when he is struggling as many parents do in the teenage years, he totes right along with me to the parenting seminars and workshops to learn how to be an even better parent.

My husband has supported me through 2 surrogacy journies including 7 weeks of bedrest through one of them, without ever a complaint. Not because he has something to gain, but because he knows the joys children bring to his own life and truly wants others to have the same. He cannot carry babies himself, but if he could, I know he would! And he encourages me in my dream, how can I ever repay him that?

I'm one lucky wife, and my children are lucky kids. My husband does not aspire to play golf on weekends, or go drinking with his buddies. In fact he's happy just being home with his family....okay xbox now and then too, but you know what I mean.

Sadly he doesn't have many friends who understand that, they want to go out and do "guy" things, but Ian just chooses to be with us, in fact I think I may go out more than he does!

He works hard each and every day, at his job, but it's just a job to him....he has said to me time and time again that there is nothing more rewarding than coming home and being with us, being with me, and his kids.

How could one possibly ask for more?

Renovation Pictures

2009-07-20T15:46:00.000-07:00

I am due to blog post, but I thought I would share some of the renovation pictures. I'm trying to remember to take some before and after pictures but it's not so easy when your in the middle of it.

I did grab an old pic of our house to use as a pre-picture....

(Click on the picture to see a larger view)

So here is the list of things we did....

1. Change outdoor lights from those god awful sensor lights that never stayed on, to regular nice outdoor lights that work by a switch, stay on when you turn it on, stay off when you turn it off...energy efficient I am not! But I can turn off a switch, so energy efficent I try to be.

2. Cut out hole in garage by front door for an entryway into the garage, no more running in 3 feet of snow just to throw out the garbage.

3. Build stairs because the new door is WAYYYY higher than the floor of the garage and build new supports for the garage so it won't fall down on us after cutting out the hole. As well we have a second floor on our garage so we had to re-support it after cutting out a big hole so you can walk up and down the stairs.

4. Organize garage (okay I know it doesn't look organzied but it is) and put up cupboard in garage. After having the garage as a shared space for 6 years, we had to sort out Dan's tools from ours, and after he moves on August 1st, the kitchen cupboards are all going into the garage! Good idea eh? What a way to recycle! So the garage is organized, just most of it doesn't have a home yet...

5. Rewire the garage so that there is a garage door opener and light switch on the top of the stairs inside the garage. We got a keypad entry for the outside of the garage door in the front.

6. Take out ugly half dead tree that leaks sap all over our cars (see picture of whole house above), and put in pretty little umbrella tree that I had at our old house and missed so much. Not a berry one...just a regular weeping mulberry tree.

7. Take out weeds in little garden and put in lilac bush

8. Redo concrete front porch/patio...notice the before and after pictures? No we did not do that one, we hired someone.....concrete projects that big, need some know how we don't have.

9. Fill in all screw/nail holes or little breakage of brick with motor fix.

10. The long neglected SIDE of the house. Now this is on the left side, it was a mess. You see we use to have neighbors who were total slops...okay her husband was. Now this is a shared space between the two neighbors, and well he took our space too. He collected so much junk from broken bikes, to rocks, to wood things and carpet and vinyl tiling (which was his business). I had asked him several times to clean it up, and when he moved last summer he said he was going to take it all....ahem. He didn't!

So it was time I did. My new neighbors didn't really use that side, but for me it was our best access to the yard and I wanted it cleaned up. First step....dig a hole to fill in the crack in our foundation. It wasn't a necessary fix as nothing was leaking, but a preventative one. Especially since we'll be redoing the bsmt next month.

Then we have 3 nice size bsmt windows, but one was missing a window well...so we put on in.

Not done yet....you see, what if it rained and we all forgot to CLOSE the windows. What a mess that would be. So we thought will put in window well covers! Okay, seriously, it will not keep out all the rain, but will help shield it.....the only problem was you can't buy window well covers for a window that big. So we had to get creative......

Last step, grass.....we got rid of a lot of the garbage on our neightbors side too....kinda sort of straightened out the patio stones...okay I did a shit job but dang those things are heavy! All in all, it looks 100 time better than it did and most importantly it's useable!

Next project........big garden in our backyard is going to get wayyyyyy smaller. Green thumb I am not!

2 weeks worth of blood, sweat and tears...okay no tears, but there was blood a few times..you should see my knuckles. But well worth it. My husband and I worked side by side most of the time, and it was time we had together to work as a team, some points tested our teamwork ability and man did we do great!

He's already asking, what's next!?!?! What a guy. Just like arts and crafts...only bigger!

Still renovating

2009-07-14T06:32:00.000-07:00

I swear I have worked more now being unemployed than I did when I was employed!

This past week now that the door is in we focused on the stairs in the garage, completely gutted the garage, organized and put it all back together, did the window wells for the bsmt windows...

I'm taking pictures today so you can all see....

Today's task, digging, I hate digging, it's a mans job, but well, my mans working so it's now my job. LOL...that's okay, I don't mind, afterall I'd rather be unemployed and renovating till midnight every night (which is typically when we stop) than working....it's fun, like projects...arts and crafts, in a very BIG way!

Well, off to the dump, this is the 3rd trip with a van full....

Surprisingly I"m feeling good, life is great!

Smorgasborg of Updates

2009-07-07T12:19:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been a month since I've done a real update, to be honest I have been waiting to upload my pictures which takes so much time, as well, I just haven't had much time in general. But I made a promise to those that read that Sunday I would do it, and though it's past Sunday, I'm making this a real priority......I'm sorry for being so MIA.

House

As you know we were trying to sell the house, we own the house with another person, who lives in the bsmt apt. Because we couldnt' get the price we wanted, and because Anthony is happy in this neighborhood where his friends are, we have decided to buy the other person out and stay here.

Our main concern was space, and soon space we will have! On June 26th 2009 we closed on the house and got our mortgage of almost $300,000 to buy Dan out and own the house ourselves. It took everything we got as they wanted 15% down, but it's ours! All 1800 sq feet of it is ours! Dan just found out he was approved for his apt so he will be moving out on August 1st.

Then the real fun begins. We will rip apart the apt in the bsmt, rebuild it to include a bigger bedroom, and a media room and make the entire house as one dwelling and no longer two! Very exciting. In the meantime we have already started some renovations to the outside of the house. Last weekend hubby amazed me with the concrete saw and cut out a hole in our garage to build an entry doorway. We both worked on this project together, though it was all him with the saw. I was very impressed!

This week we plan to redo the concrete porch, make it bigger as hopefully *crossing fingers* we will be able to put in a porch enclosure next spring which will include the new garage door!

Van/Car

Well our van is running great, it's older (did I mention before it was a 1994), but it runs good and has less rust than our other one. We sold the other one to a scrapyard and I have to say I was kind of sad, a lot of memories and trips in our old van. The car we have is also running great (knock on wood) as we just fixed the exhaust on it and hope to get a couple of years out of each vechile. Time will tell....

Our trip to the Zoo

On the weekend of May 30th, the boys were all gone camping so Taylor and I decided to camp in our backyard! It rained of course, but we stayed dry and had a great time! Then on Saturday we went to the zoo.

We even got to pet sting rays which is the new thing they have at the zoo. A picture says a thousand words so I thought I would let them speak for themselves below. On Sunday Taylor and I headed over for a visit with Sarah, Brad and Brielle. I'll post that on the surrogacy blog, it was a great visit and a really nice treat! Thanks again S and B, I had a great time!!!

June 21st - Fathers Day

I'm going to do a special blog about my husband and who he is, and my feelings on him, but can I just say that Ian is the best father I've ever known? Because he is. There are not many men out there like him, he is very rare, and so for fathers day we decided to do something really special. We packed up the family and headed to the Scarborough Bluffs for a nice picnic in Bluffers Park. It was beautiful. After lunch we decided to try to climb the bluffs, and by God we did it. About 3/4 of the way up I got really scared and actually had to think myself out of panicing...not so much for me but those motherly fears and bad visions of all that can happen started to kick in and making me panic over all that could have happened, aka the kids falling! I find I am starting to do that more and more, I'm more of an adventurer but even taking my kids on a Ferris Wheel I start to think of all the bad that can happen and have to think my way out of the panic and fear....anyway, we did it! We got almost to the top, and I was so proud of my family, my kids, my husband! Pics below!! After the bluffs we went back home where I cooked hubby a nice steak feast, topped with the BEST cheesecake I've ever eaten, and then went to my own dad's house to celebrate a bit with him. Ian's dad passed away before he was even born, and now his mom is gone too, so my parents are the only ones left.

June 22nd

We had plans to go to Canada's Wonderland the upcoming Saturday and Anthony was off to yet another Venture camp, he loves them and it's a good program, gets him out from behind the computer or gaming system and well what kid doesn't love camping! So anyway, we had an extra ticket and decided to let Bailey invite his friend from Cubs. Her name is Kaylee, and she's always really good to him. Sooooo....we pulled out the TTY, blew the dust off it, and got Bailey on to call up his friend (who is hearing) through the relay service and invite her. It was a sight to see, him on the "phone". He was SOOO slow, but I prepared the operator as well as Kaylee, and they were all so good and patient and was a real treat for Bailey to actually call up a friend all by himself!!

June 25th, Taylor Graduates Kindergarden...

Need I say more? I think you all know how bittersweet it is for my baby to grow up, next year she will be in full time school and I'm sure I'll be lonely....hey maybe I'll have more blog time???

June 23rd, Anthony Graduates Grade 8

Yes, my eldest whom I still view as my baby had his graduation from middle school. Next year is highschool. Hard to imagine what I feel like right now, hard to describe, that sense of pride, that feeling of time slipping away, that remembering back to where we once were, that love and joy I have for the man he's becomming, that shock in writing out the word "man" in my last sentence. I'm so proud of him. His teachers came up to me at his Grad and shared with me how much of a pleasure he was to teach, how they forsaw him doing really well in highschool, how mature he was, much more than many of their other students, and I have to say I was just overjoyed to hear all that! Way to go Anthony!!!

June 26th, Canada's Wonderland

Always a fun place for us to go, and we always try to go once a year at least, on Deaf Awareness Day. One year we had a family pass and if we weren't doing renovations all summer long, we'd have got them again this year. Maybe in 2 years time we'll do it again....

We had great weather, tons of fun, and when the park closed, it was time to grab some funnel cake and sit by the fountain. We didn't get out of there till after 11pm! Still with Anthony not there, and more and more doing his own thing, it's hard, feels like someone's missing, that the family isn't complete, and it's not, but we still had a great time and Bailey really enjoyed having his friend with him. ***By the way he had a blast at camp!

Going Private

I have gone over this back and forth in my mind....I dont' want to get into the why's of it, because it's really not important enough to give it the time of day, what I didn't realize was how many followers I actually and the overwhelming amount of emails I got asking me to inivite them and how much they loved my blog. It doesn't show up on my followers list, and not many people comment, so I had no idea. I think it's wonderful and am thankful for all your kind responses. I have since decided not to go private, because of you all, to know how much I touched the readers (though I can't fathom why my life or surrogacy journies are so interesting) I appreciate the time you spend reading my long winded blogs. So thank you, I love you all, and will continue to keep it public.

Dr. Phils has a blog!

2009-06-21T20:44:00.001-07:00

Okay, so I still have to do a fathers day post, and I will....but I was on the Dr. Phil blog today, yes Dr. Phil has a blog! And he had the most amazing video and I just had to share it here, it was very moving and very inspiring.

http://sports.espn.go.com/videohub/video/video?id=3696478

And of course I just had to comment. You can view my comment in the comment section of this video if you want to read a tiny bit about my son....

Just amazing!

Car crazy

2009-06-19T20:24:00.000-07:00

But it's summer and life is good. Not much new to report except we got a new van!! Woohooo!

Okay, not new, in fact older than our old van, with 50,000 more km but it doesn't overheat and will do for now. If we get a year out of it I will be dancing with joy. Just a year, I'm okay with that, afterall we only paid $500 for it, certified and e-tested! What a steal eh?

We just need to hold off on getting a new van until the mortgage is settled, and since I'm off all summer we get a little caught up financially. I figure by this time next year would be a great time to shop for a vehicle and then well...maybe we'll even go new....shocking I know, but with the car market being what it is, might be worth it.

I honestly do not like spending money on cars, for a mechanic to look at my car...well they must shake their heads. I do what I HAVE to on them, and only when I HAVE to so you can imagine what my cars look like.

I don't go through car washes, what for, it's just a car. I don't get things fixed that aren't safety issues, or to keep the car alive...I rarely will scrub out a car...with 3 kids I got much better things to do. Twice a year is good for me, unless it gets sand filled from a day at the beach, or it's a rental.

I just feel their such huge money pits. The minute you drive a new car off the lot it deprecitates by 20%, 20% can you believe it! Most mechanics I know are shady...though there are some good ones out there lost in the world of bad reputations, silly things break down on cars that cost thousands to fix, and well, most are so electronically souped up that a simple repair becomes a huge deal! Did you know that in our car to change the battery you had to take off the window shield washer fluid container and unhook some other doo dad that takes and hour to do, just to get a boost if you needed one! Who does that? Who designs things that way?

It doesnt' help that hubby is not mechanically inclined and not very fond of getting his hands dirty. Though he's getting better and learning more and more, he can now change front breaks and the oil...gotta give him credit, it's more than what I would do! Give me toilets, no problem, cars, na uh.

Cars are just not my thing. Never will be I think. Maybe, maybe one day when the covertible rolls up in my driveway, but in my world now with life being as it is and my priorities focused on different things, it just.....isn't.

So anyway, we did pick up a *ahem* new to us van. And it doesn't have a lot of rust either...yet. It's a Dodge Caravan and gots lots of bells and whistles, like automatic back windows and electronically moving driver seat...I think that's the best part of the van...the gagets! Oh and did I say it's got an automatic starter! That will be nice in the winter if it lives that long...

My News

2009-06-04T13:44:00.000-07:00

June 4th, time is going way too fast for me and I am often times am feeling like I'm treading water just trying to keep my head up. I'm sorry I haven't been around much, I will try to catch up on all that I can today.

So my big news.....that I was suppose to announce last week :(. Sorry, like I said I just haven't had time to blog or follow the blogs the last two weeks...please forgive me, I've been thinking of you all.

Okay, big news....I got a new job! It's been in the works for a little while now and I started mid May. It's only part-time as a compliment to my school bus job, and it's something I was doing anyway....sort of.

So what is it, get on with it you say? Well....I've just signed on with the agency I did my surrogacies through, Canadian Surrogacy Options also known as CSO as the new Surrogate Support Worker!!! The job just opened up and well since I love talking with other surrogates and am in a good place in my life, and since I already love to help other surrogates (and IPs), this is a great fit for me. Also because I'm so passionate about surrogacy and helping families through surrogacies, I can't think of a better thing to do. I have no desire to start my own agency (all the red tape, yuck) but I do love educating others with what I know, being there for other people when they need to bounce something off or seek advice, and sharing my love for surrogacy as a whole.

So what does it entail, well all of the above, plus going to the clinic to meet surrogates, most especially new ones who dont' know what to expect, connecting with Joanne the owner of the agency, Caroline and even Robyn who runs Little Miracles (the egg donation agency connected with CSO) as to what they need or want, letting surrogates know their thought of and cared about, offering advice on "technical things" like medications and protocols, insurance and such, and giving a listening ear for the non-technical things like feelings and issues. Often times you dont' have to say much when it comes to that, sometimes one just needs someone to listen to.

I really am loving it and am so grateful to have the opportunity to reach out to other surrogates along the way.

So what else have I been up to? Well, not much actually. Last week my daughter had her Kindergarden concert, she was so cute standing up there on stage, but she was in the back and hard to see sometimes......:). I guess someone's got to be in the back.

This past weekend all the boys had camps to go to, leaving just Taylor and I on our own. She wanted to camp too, so we got out the tent and did just that, right there in our backyard! Now those of you in Ontario know how crappy the weather was over the weekend...rain rain rain, and just think we were out in the tent. A few times I thought of giving in and going inside, but for my daughters sake we stuck it out both Friday and Saturday night.

Saturday we went to the Toronto Zoo. We had so much fun together and got to pet and feed stingrays! I love the Zoo, and would totally get a seasons pass for it, next year for sure!

Sunday morning we headed off to visit S, B and baby B! It was such a nice visit and we got some cute pictures, sorry I don't have time to post, maybe S might put them up on her blog??? The last time we saw each other baby was 2 weeks old, and though I get TONS of pictures, they don't do her justice on how big she is!!! She is huge! Well to me anyway. And of course very adorable. She definately keeps mommy and daddy on her toes and after seeing them all together cooing after a very attention loving little sweetheart, I started to wonder if I myself wanted to go back there.........I seem to sway back and forth on my own baby making wishes.

I did love to hold her, and was lucky enough that she totally let me (apparently she's a bit stranger shy), and Taylor was pretty excited to see her, though in the moment I think she really just liked the baby toys. It wasn't until afterwards that she talked about her.....

Anyway it was a great day. We had a nice lunch and then I was off cause I had to pick up the boys from camp.

This week, nothing much, my birthday was yesterday, really when you get to this age it's just another day to me, I cooked, I cleaned, though Ian did make me a cake and picked up a couple of presents. I guess they got something planned for Sunday too. :)

That's about it, hope everyone is well, I'm off to try to catch up as much as I can!

What a life! Oh and bye bye baby...

2009-05-25T13:55:00.000-07:00

Yes, what a life, another week has come and gone and I have no idea where it went. I sure hope summer doesn't go this fast for me, I'll just cry then.

I still cannot share my big news, but most likely in the next day or two...

Here's the highlights of the last week......

All week long I have been pretty busy, work stuff ya know...not much to say there. Thursday was so nice and hot Taylor wanted to go in the sprinkler and I thought it a great idea. So off she goes upstairs to change and she starts SCREAMING! I mean major crying. I run up only to find out my baby, BABY lost her first tooth! She was so upset because it was so unexpected, afterall we didn't even know it was wiggly! She didn't fall or hit herself or anything, she was just trying to take off her shirt and out it came I guess...so that's the story anyway. Blood everywhere, ah yeah, good times. After a 10 minute meltdown over it, we packed it up in the envelope and put it under her pillow for the toothfairy to come. Then came downstairs and took some pictures. I wanted to take some pics of her in the middle of meltdown mode, but that wouldn't have been very nice and well, I was busy attending to her. Anyway, she doesn't look very happy here, she just collected herself and is still unsure of the idea of loosing teeth...(though I did prepare her for it long ago). Though now she's proud to show it off and got $5 out of it, so it's all good now.

On Saturday I had to go in for my St. Johns Ambulance course, I've done it before, but its always good to have a refresher. I can do CPR and First Aide like a pro now. Who cares about that...really. I mean what was I missing back at home, I so didn't want to be cooped up in a classroom on a really nice Saturday. Do you know what I missed?? This....see pic...--I did try to upload the video but it won't work :( .--

Yes, that's right, my daughter is now riding a two wheeler! It just about broke my heart to miss this first really big milestone. Thankfully hubby thought of me and taped it, wish I could show you all.

And from what Ian says she did it like she'd been doing it forever. Just took the training wheels off and just went...like that! Ugh....my baby, my sweet baby, I want her back...she's just growing way too fast for me.

We had friends over after the Sat training, first we went Geo-caching with them, their kids never been and at first I wasn't 100% sure if her husband would like it, but he was totally loving it, we ended up doing 2 hunts for caches. They came back to our place and we kind of partied...rockband style. LOL. Do I sound obsessed over the rockband? I'm not really. They all stayed till like 1am, even the kids were still up watching movies, thankfully kids sleep in and they were so good and enjoyed each others company.

Sunday we went to the big park around here, did some shopping for clothes for me cause absolutely nothing fits anymore, everything is too big and hanging off me, so got me a few outfits...and groceries. Home and rest.

That's it, my week in a nutshell...sort of. More to come, just not yet. Teehee, I think I'm driving Cyn crazy! Sorry Cyn.

Social life

2009-05-18T09:32:00.000-07:00

It seems I need to put in an update of my week, it's been a very busy week and unfortunately I haven't been able to blog, not just because of time, but because it's not time to share what I've been up to. Big news coming soon though.

There are some things I can share, like yesterday! Saturday was a awesome day. My former ED IM and I still talk. Remember I announced back in October that she was adopting her first babe? Well, guess who came to visit! I hadn't seen them since their baby shower in December and I have to say it was a real treat for me!

At first I didn't think it was going to happen, though we planned it a couple weeks back we hadn't talked all week. Since I'm no newbie to dissappointment, I figured it was forgotten, or cancelled or everyone was just too busy. So at about 9am I gave her a call on her cell to inquire if she was still coming or if she wanted to change the date...um she tells me "I'm on my way!". WHAT! I was so excited yet so unprepared, my house was a mess, I needed a shower, lol and I had less than 2 hours to do it as they live about 2 hours away and just left.

So off I go running about cleaning up. Normally I wouldn't have, afterall my friend loves me for who I am not how I keep house, but because there is a baby coming, I like to make the house as baby comfortable as possible. Clean up the tiny toys, wash the floors, etc.

They arrive, we hang out and chat, order pizza and wouldn't ya know it, play ROCKBAND! We must have spent a good hour or so jamming in my living room, hubby, myself and my friend. (C was taking a nap and my kids were playing too). Soon afterwards it was time to go, they did spend a good 5 hours here and I'm so grateful that she came all this way to see me and just hang out with me. I love her to pieces and her little man. (Her hubby had to work :( hopefully we'll catch him next time).

So little "C", my little man, such a sweet BIG baby! He's really stocky and quite big for his age. He's got the cutest roles and most gorgeous smile! His mouth is so big and lovely that when he smiles it just melts your heart!

Of course mom's got him all glammed up in some stylish clothes...all around gorgeous little guy. But what's more, he is an amazing baby!

The minute they got here, he was all open arms for us to hold and love em up. Complete strangers, he was totally like "hey". Now that being said, there were a couple of times he started to get fussy with Ian, but even I get fussy with Ian. (hahahaha, JUST kidding). But he let me hold him the entire time and play and gave me the most incredible smilkes, I got to feed him and change diapers, it was just so nice!! I hadn't fed a baby since Taylor was little.

All in all it was a great visit. It was great to see "B" in her element, being a mom, playing with her little monkey, loving every minute of it. See pics below.

And "B" I know you read my blog and I just wanted to say thank you so much! I had a really great time with you guys, I appreciate the long drive you took and look forward to hanging out with you through the summer poolside baby, and maybe even trying a margarita or two!

Today my friend T is coming in from the West Coast. I'm so excited to see her, she too is a surrogate and a great friend/ally for me, a great support person for all things, surrogacy, life, parenting, whatever. I haven't see her for awhile now and really look forward to hanging with her today! Will update when I get a chance. For now, off to social world, I am a social butterfly ya know.

A recap of yesterday...

2009-05-11T05:39:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the wishes yesterday I have to say it was an interesting day...some ups and downs-here's the low down.

In the morning I woke up to bacon and eggs...yes I mean literally woke up to this food in my face. It was sweet but seriously...hubby could have given me a few minutes to open my eyes. By the time I ate it is was cold...I'm okay about it though, I'm kind of use to cold food after 14 years of being a mom. Cold it not, it was yummy!

The kids made me crafts and cards. We have never agreed or believed in the commerical makeup that has become the "new" Mothers Day, but rather these things should be made by the little hands themselves. It's always been that way. Even my teenage son went out to the backyard and picked me some Forget-me-Nots from the grass. (Yes they are growing in the grass not the garden!)

We played some Rockband, they presented my "big" gift, it was a huge cookie about an inch thick and well the size of a PLATE! Decorated with icing saying 'Mom'. Very sweet...shoot shoulda took a picture.

So now for the interesting part....so we have been having problems with the van, but thought it was somewhat fixed. With my kids, the car is not a comfortable place, so we took the van Geocaching up along the Bruce Trail near Milton. It's a part of the Niagara Escarpment.

Well we get there, and the van starts a smoking. Pop the hood....one of the rad hoses is split almost right in half. Yup, here we go again...so what do we do? How do we get it home, we're at least a 30min drive from home??!!?? Another towing fee?

"Ah forget it" I said, I was there to enjoy the day and well lets go hiking and enjoy ourselves, we'll figure out the van problems when we have to go home. And so that's what we did! Crazy I know, but I wanted to have a stress free afternoon with my children and nothing not even problems with the car was going to steal that from me!

So off we went, treking the beautiful trails...I got some pics to share just before my battery died. I should have prepared better...shoot! (Don't mind our clothes, we are HIKING ya know...)

We found another travel bug, loving it...and put the travel bug we had into one of the caches. The rule of thumb is you take something, you put something in, so the kids did their take/put back of some junk and off we went to the second one. All in all it was a nice hike and the weather wasn't horrible...never warm enough for me, but not horrible.

Get back to the van and long story short after some contiplation we decided to risk it and drive it to Miltons Canadian Tire. Man did we ever get lucky. Just as we pullled into the parking lot, the van pretty much seized. It was no longer wanting to go and getting quite hot and angry with us. But...We did make it!

It was really funny when I went in and told them what happened, 5 BIG and I mean BIG guys came out expecting to have to push the van into the mechanical bay....they all sighed a relief when it started though and they actually drove it in. They changed the hose but still there seems to be a significant problem with the cooling system/sensor system and we will be taking it in tommorrow to get a better look. It worked to get us home at least, and to get Ian to work today to the tune of another $150...not bad, only 1/4 of what a car payment worked. That's how I look at it now, between fixing or buying a new van, how much can we get out of it, is the cost of repair lower than the payment if we got a new one....thus far total repairs in the last 2 weeks is about $500....one months car payment. We get a month more, we've won. Our goal is 6months to a year...I just want to get our mortgage flipped first, should be another month before that happens.

Anyway, get home, grab some McNasty's (steak was the orignial plan but we got home too late), and played some more RockBand. I'm getting addicted to it really and REALLY love having something to do with my son and connecting with him. Then some CSI on Wii, and by midnight I was tired and off to bed.

It was a good day really....some bumps, but not complaining. We were all together and that was what was most important to me. Even if some of the time was spent at a garage....

Check out more pics of our GeoCaching adventure

The view, and me and Anthony looking for the cache....well I don't really look, I just walk around and pretend I'm looking...digging in the trees/bushes/rocks, um not for me....I do have my limits ya know.

This is where it's hiding...can you see it? Neither could I, Ian though with his trained eye could tell where it was right away...we finally had him play the hot cold game with us so we could find it. Here's the hint they gave ("You have to roll some rocks"). Any guess where it is??

Mother's Day Wishes

2009-05-09T21:01:00.001-07:00

For those of you who find Mothers Day a hard day, I would skip this post.....

I debated putting this post on here, there are so many people who really struggle with today and I don't want to be insensitive to anyones needs....but then there are many who struggled to be able to enjoy this day too, and deserve some wishes of happiness.

So I'm going to put it out there.

Happy Mothers Day everyone. To all those mammas who are finally where they should be after a long tough road, I hope you all relish in this day you can now enjoy without sadness.

Happy Mothers Day to those who have never had a hard time but have taken the time to support and understand those who have. Who have realized just how lucky they are (we all are) and how truely a miracle it is to be a mother and celebrate this day.

Happy Mothers Day to our own mothers...my mother would never read this blog, but some of your mothers do, and I wanted to wish them happy mothers day too...afterall I wouldn't have so many blogger friends if it weren't for your mothers too.

I wish you all a peaceful and wonderful day, just exactly the way you want to spend it, be it with your kids, or a day away at the spa.

Posting confusion

2009-05-03T10:58:00.000-07:00

Hmmm, strange, I just posted a message I had written before the Crazy 8's game and I guess since it posts by date it showed up below the Crazy 8's game. It's about music....and my rant about it. If you want to read it, you'll have to go below the crazy 8's post...sorry for the confusion.....weird!

Crazy 8's, I've been tagged!!

2009-05-02T15:34:00.000-07:00

I've been tagged!!!! Yup, thanks Sarah, I do like these games and I just so happen have the time to fill it all out.....

Here's goes...The Crazy 8's game........

Instructions, fill out the questions, then tag 8 other friends and let them know you tagged them. Pretty easy eh....lets see if I don't screw it up....

8 Things I Am Looking Forward To:
Hot Summer Days
Visiting S and little B
Renovating the Basement
Finishing work
Kids being out of school
Daytrips to the Beach
Getting the 52' tv
Big Brother to Start

8 Things I Did Yesterday:
Worked
Slept
Ate
Played with the kids
Played Rockband with the kids
Went to dinner with Ian
Took kids to a movie, and then watched my own movie all by myself (yeah that was weird but I was NOT going to watch X-men so I went to see Obsession)
Talked to Mortgage Guy

8 Things I Wish I Could Do:
Go shopping for the things I want to upgrade the house with
Renovate the Bsmt NOW
Set up the Media room
Live in Florida all winter long
Have the energy to Scrapbook
Go to Scrapbooking Retreat (boys have camp this year at the same time....just me and Taylor home this year)
Put flowers in the garden....too cold I think still
Take really awesome pictures.

8 Shows I Watch:
Big Brother
Nip Tuck
John and Kate Plus 8
Hells Kitchen
Dr. Phil
Eleventh Hour (though it doesn't seem to be on lately...sigh)
Criminal Minds
Little People/Big World, sometimes.

8 Favorite Fruits:
strawberries
raspberries
watermellon
apples
banannas when dipped in chocolate
pear slices
pineapple
grapes

8 Places I’d Like to Travel:
Africa
Austrilia
Mexico
St. Lucia
Hawaii
Jamaica
California aka Hollywood
Carribean Islands

8 Places I’ve Lived:
Just 8? I've been way more than 8!

Surrey B.C.
Burnaby B.C.
Calgary, Alberta
Oshawa, Ontario
B, Ontario
in a bsmt apt on our own
in an apartment building on our own
in a house we own
in a second house we own

I'm tagging Beth, so she'll have to do it through Natalia (we don't hear enough from her...lol)
Erica from Scottsville
Stumbling on to My Happiness
Journey with Myles and Beyond
Our Life and 3rd Surrogacy
Chronicles of....
ah I suck at tagging....I can't think of 8 people, I'm the last one of the bunch so most of you have all been hit!

Music and my random thoughts about it

2009-04-30T19:06:00.001-07:00

I've been dying to rant about music lately, since I wrote one of A's tributes, I have wanted to scream about it.

So you hear this really great song right? You love it, you hear it often, you sing to it, you learn the lyrics either by practise or get right into it and check it out on the internet. It so suits you, you can see your life pictured in it, as if the song has been written for you/about you right?

Then you just have to check out what the meaning of the song is and so you hunt down the video either through you tube or google, or whatever. And what do you find??????????

HALF NAKED girls, sex, grinding, sex, and HALF NAKED GIRLS!

Um, seriously? Is that what the song is about?

What does this have to do with the song? Where is the storytelling in a video? What has happened to music artist that they have gotton so damn lazy they can't even create a decent video to tell the story of their song? Just flounce around half naked on some mountain and you got a video???

I miss the days when music actually meant something....I miss the days where video's were a powerful way of acting out the lyrics. What ever happened to making money off your voice, and your lyrics, not your body. Seems the only way pop stars become pop stars nowadays is not because of their talent but by how flat their stomache is and how big their boobs are, oh and of course the more you show the better you are.

Then you got these f***ed up stars who can't just do a job for the job but have to someone live the lifestyle too? But not just live the lifestyle, but go way overboard. Just look at Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan, and even Miley Cyris....why oh why does someone want to see a sexually pervocative pictures of teenagers? GROSS!

I miss the days when music actually meant something. Powerful videos are rare now, like Simple Plan's "How could this happen to me?"or Green Day's "Wake me up when September Ends", or Live's "Lightening Crashes", Jhonny Cash's remix of "Hurt", Vicky Nolan's "Find Another Way and so on. These videos are so rare to see, just watch MTV you'll see.

Don't believe me....

I love the song from Britney Spears "I'm not a Girl, Not Yet a Women"...read the lyrics, their okay too, in fact they could have real meaning. I had to check out the video because I wanted to see the real meaning behind the song.......what the hell...how does this video say anything about the song? Here's a link to the video...it was such a dissappointment.

http://www.mojvideo.com/video-britney-spears-i-m-not-a-girl-not-yet-a-woman/29874b4092109ca2fe99

A real crappy week

2009-04-30T18:43:00.000-07:00

I've dedicated so much blog time to A's tribute that I've actually got a list of things to talk about! I actually wrote it down too! I think I'm becomming blogger obsessed...nothing like a space in cyberworld to share my rants, ravings and opinions and to think some people actually read them!

Since I got a running list, I thought instead that this post would be a blog about my really crappy week....oh my....but I will try my best to keep it brief because who wants to listen to me rant non-stop.

So the weekend went great, the house was closed with no showings and we were able to just relax and enjoy the weekend.

Then came Monday, and it wasn't too bad, but we had 3 showings that evening...so I spent the day trying to clean up, all the while juggling other such things. Would you believe the showings started at 4:30 pm (each having a one hour window) and ended at 8pm. When do we get to just relax?? It got to the point that I was starting to get pissed off, which I know makes no sense, your house is on the market, you want showings right? But after 90days, EVERY day almost, people coming in at all hours, never having just a quiet dinner, I mean there were times we were eating because it's a constant flow of people and well we had to eat!

So we ate, got T off to her dance studio, and on the way back wouldn't you know it my van starts acting up. Not sure what's wrong, but the transmission kept slipping out, and I would step on the gas and it would pop back in...oh dear this can't be good. Well I'm only about 10 mins away from home so I'm trying to get it home, when about 5 mins away I have to pull into a gas station because it starts overheating. I get out and look and there I have a chocolate brown puddle all over the place, look under the hood and transmission fluid is in the coolant and coolant is in the transmission. This can't be good for sure! So I call my friend to rescue me, he drives the van home takes a look at it, makes a few phone calls and suspects the rads gone. Not a bad fix if the transmission wasn't damaged.

Both of us work, so I drop hubby off at the bus stop Tuesday and head to work, come home and have the van towed to mechanic for a professional look. Pick Ian up from work and am finally home by 5:30pm. The entire night I'm juggling phone calls. Mechanic says it's not worth fixing....cost about a grand, and not sure if it will work because he can't tell if the tranny has been damage. GREAT! Just what I wanted to hear. And no the tranny is not worth putting the money into, it's a beat up old van that's got almost 300,000 clicks on it. I hate cars!

And to top it all off....we have a showing tonight and my house is a wreck cause I've spent the entire day and evening on the phone. I cancelled the showing. I couldn't handle it all and felt like I was totally going to cry.

Wednesday after talking with Ian and such we decided to take the house off the market and we'll actively persue buying the other owner out. (He lives in the bsmt apt downstairs, another long story). So I call up the agent and say that's it, we're done. I felt bad, he worked hard and got no money but seriously you know it's enough when your getting mad at your showings and feel like your life is totally upside down. 90 days is too long! Wed night was on the phone practically all night too trying to figure out the van, calling our financial advisor to look into our mortgage situation, calling mechanics, calling this person and that....and yes, getting the van towed back to our driveway. Mechanic doesn't think it's worth fixing, after talking to my dad and my friend Dan their going to try to fix it themselves, cutting the cost of repair in half, and if it's doesn't work...well we tried and we didn't loose a ton of money. Our hope is to get another 6-12 months out of it though....I really hate cars and hate even more wasting money on them, buying them, fixing them, anything, afterall there is no value in a vechile, each year you loose more and more money and well, eventually it's not worth anything. If I had to spend several thousands of dollars, I would much rather it go to house renovations than a stupid car that breaks down, falls apart, can get into an accident and be rendered useless...you get the point.

Thursday has actually been a good day. It's such a relief to have the house off the market and a little direction. No word yet if we qualify for such a mortgage (it'll be double what we have now) but pray for us that a lender will love our portfolio and sign on the dotted line. We really need this now.

So that's about it, today everyone will be working on the van, I've got to take the kids tree planting with the cub group and will be driving the donor milk to it's destination, Sunday Bailey got his first invite to a non-family birthday party, so I'm really excited for him.

Anyway, it's been a real bad week with practically no down time, no ability to de-stress, and complete frustration and fear all around. I'm glad it's almost over!

Rant off.....

Guns Guns and Paint?

2009-04-30T18:05:00.000-07:00

Like my blogger friend Cyn, birthdays are a really big deal here in our house, often lasting days.

I'm going to try to keep this short and sweet, but then again you know me, my short and sweet might be a novel to you.......

Friday I brought him McCrappys for lunch....it's a traditional to take him out to lunch but because his b.day wasn't officially till Saturday and he would be having only the one party because it sat on the weekend, we decided to do Friday night dinner out. Last year I put balloons on his McD's but he was pretty embarrassed by that and so I learned my lesson, a quick exchange in the parking lot and super quick HUG...hehehe, I got one in public.

Friday night we went to my 2nd favorite restaurant that is truely too expensive to take the kids so they have never been. Well we loaded them up and headed into Yorkville, one of the most expensive areas in Toronto where there is this great Japenese Steakhouse called Yamato. I love it there, and so did the kids. The cooks cook right there in front of you, it's called teppanyaki, and a real culinary delight! The chefs are skilled with cooking as a performance and do all sorts of tricks...our favorite being the onion volcano. And the food is just amazing! Taylor kept saying "the chef is really good" and then the final comment "I'm going to marry him"...AHHHH!

See pics below (sorry they didn't turn out very good):

Saturday we went and did some GeoCaching....and almost got soaked in a thunderstorm...we were going to do a second one when the storm really started so we'll have to go back. It was really nice, we picked caches in Inglewood area. We ended up hopping over a few fences into a farm area getting our shoes and socks all muddy and wet...yuck! Only to find out the damn pathway, nicely pathed was just a few feet away....ugh....are we dumb or what?

Yes, I look like shit...but hey we're geocaching

Sunday was the party, and we went PAINTBALLING! Well the guys all did, I did not, for some reason getting hit with tiny balls of paint landing myself with welts and bruises all over my body just doesn't seem like much fun to me. I instead took care of the party details in the party room, pictures, and socialized with my family and friends. It was a good turnout, the entire family showed up, and Anthony's friend and his dad. I believe there were 8? players in our group and they left looking like....well just check out the pics.

A got the Rockband set, and my mom got him the Rockband 2 game so we now have 1 and 2. He also got games, computer subs, clothes, money and more! It was a great day altogether.

Sunday night we got home we did some cleanup and immediately got into the Rockband world...hence my previous post on how much fun it really is!

So that was our b.day party, another year come and gone, another b.day, another set of memories! Thanks to those who followed along, it's been a real ride, and I've really enjoyed the comments!

Not a Boy, Not YET a Man

2009-04-29T17:05:00.000-07:00

I've come to the final portion of my tribute to A. Thanks for all those who have read along and shared in my journey through his life. He is so amazingly special to me and to remember all these times, its so bittersweet....where did my baby go?

I think this title is so perfect for where we sit now...wish I thunk it up myself but I didn't, I cheated and got it off the song "not a girl, not yet a women" by Britney Hoe...(oooppss sorry Britney fans). Anyway, rambling....

The title is so true, and anyone with teenagers can relate, just you wait readers, you will be me someday! I hear girls are even worse....lol.

Just last year he was playing lego, even now and then I still catch him building a thing or two...or playing figurines...now, he plays differently with them now than he did when he was little...when he was little it was houses and families, now it's war and blowing things up...star wars being the major theme.

I have a boy who still loves mommy's attention, but also wants her to get lost most especially when friends are around.

(First day of Junior High...last time

I got to walk him to school)

What happened to the boy who hugged me regularly, now I have to force/bribe/sneak those hugs....and NEVER in public...we got a secret 'high five' or 'props' for those times.

The truth is I'M EMBARRASSING! Can you believe it? Me, the one who is cool, who can get down to the best of rap and reggee, who use to go to clubs and be the life of any party (okay it was 18 years ago but still), drinking or not....me, uncool...nah can't be? MY parents are uncool! But not me.

Whoops sorry, I totally missed the point of this post...this is not about me now is it? Though I do like talking about me...wink wink...I'll get back to the point.

My point is we're at a crucial point in his life. The same sort of crucial point that 4-5 year olds go through...you know the "I'm not a baby, I'm a big kid" phase. (Did you know my 5 year old just recently said she didnt' want me to walk her to school anymore? She wanted to go alone. WHAT, she's FIVE! Um, not happening dear). Ooooppsss....sorry rambling again....

Where was I? Ah yes, crucial point in life. And it is. Anthony is struggling between needing his parents and not wanting to need his parents.

Because he still has his shy side of him, he's not a social kid with a lot of friends. He has his best friend C, but other than that, he pretty much stays home, on the weekends he's always asking for sleepovers at his friends house....

Around family he's very antisocial, opting out of a lot of "family" things, but if I force him, he will go along, some griping, but eventually getting into it. Sometimes it's embarrassing--especially around others who don't understand him, because he's not "into it" and he makes that known too. It's nothing personal, he's just not interested and well he's got the attitude of "if you force me I'll do it, but I'm NOT HAVING FUN". Joy! I do my best to overlook this sort of rudeness, it's a phase and a fight for control, a power struggle not worth getting into.

He does have a tender side though, if he's hurt your feelings he feels bad and will apologize...and maybe even (shhhhhh) give hugs! (Just don't tell anyone I said that). He's abnoxious to his sister, but she is to him too. But he will play with her, often too rough, but at least he's interacting...I guess. She loves him very much and I know deep down in there, he doesn't really think she's annoying, he does love her. If she is hurt, he will go to her to make things better, or see what's wrong and does help her when he's in the right mood. Same goes with his brother, he is very helpful and giving, and if he sees me stressed, he will ask what he can do to help!

I think what I miss the most is his smiles. They don't come as easy anymore....sure he smiles a lot, but capturing it on camera...totally NOT COOL. Look back and see how sweet his smiles are....now, closed mouthed grins is pretty much the best I can get, IF that. IF I can even get a picture because he's always trying to hide under a blanket or hoodie...I got lots of pictures of those that's for sure. I do hope this is a phase...someone please tell me it's a phase....if anyone knows me, they know just how important pictures are, even if I'm no professional photographer.

He's had his first girlfriend, and his first heartbreak too. Girls are all the rave...thankfully I live in a neighborhood that we are so culturally different that girls are not aplenty....thankfully for me that is, not so much for him. (yes I am snickering here....sorry can't help it)

He's got opinions now, and sometimes he actually makes sense. Negotiating can be quite productive then. Other times I can totally see the "boy" in him though...like just the other day I told him that he had to start showering everyday....he's well...greasy! He told me that showering every day is not good for you, washing your hair everyday will make it fall out and my all time favorite is that it can cause CANCER! UGH. I digress. Anything to get out of showering!!! (I win though...he's showering, with tons of gripes, but clean!)

Connecting with teens is tough. He's got a "personal life"...um....what's a personal life from your mom?? Secrets and things he don't want to talk about with his moooommmmmm.......sigh.....there's the independance kicking in.......and tough for me....I don't want to be discluded, I AM his personal life...or at least WAS.

Thanks again to my awesome IPs who really considered the whole family when they shopped for us at Christmas (which I still think was too much) but got us the Wii. For A's b.day we got him Rockband, and you know what....hubby, me and A all play it, ALL THE TIME! We even have our own band...(I'm the drummer and/or singer....and no there are no windows broken...yet) but what's more, we have shared interest and a connection. Finding ways to connect is difficult with teens, cause remember we're "uncool", but this has really been great this past week. We've played every night and I love love love spending the time with him without the bitching and griping along the way.

I have to say that the teenage years have not been all that bad thus far, then again I know I'm just starting out and well he hasn't learned to drive yet right? I know I know. But for now, I have to say I got a pretty good teen. There is something to be said about having a "homebody" teen, too. He's got his quirks, but he's not into drugs, drinking, smoking, having sex, crime or getting into trouble with police, gangs or anything of the sorts. He asks me to go out, calls when something changes, comes home on time, does his chores, goes to bed on time, listens to his parents, respects the rules, and is doing better this year in school than he's ever done! Sure there is attitude, bitching, complaining, argueing (or expressing ones opinion no matter how dumb it is-is what I've been taught to think of it as), but in the grand scheme of things, I'm a lucky momma!

I got a good kid/ahem man/ahem teenager thus far, and really love and feel blessed that I get to be apart of his life and influence it in my small ways, even if it is for too short a time.

So there you have it, my baby is 14, about to start highschool in the fall, big changes coming my way I'm sure, and time is passing me by. It's been a lot of fun to share tidbits of his life, it's been even more fun to live it....one thing he hasn't lost, he funny sense of humor, even if it is a bit off the wall!

(I had to tickle him to get this)

****Tommorrow is the last one, his actual b.day celebration, guns guns and well...paint?

BOY OH BOY

2009-04-28T14:53:00.000-07:00

God's Dream

God made a world out of His dreams, of magic mountains, oceans & streams.

Praries and plains and wooded land, then paused and thought,

"I need someone to stand on top of the mountains, to conquer the sea,

explore the plains and climb the trees, someone to start out small and

grow sturdy, strong like a tree and so.....

He created Boys, full of spirit and fun to explore and conquer,

to romp and run with dirty faces, banged up chins,

with courageous hearts and boyish grins.

When He had completed the task He'd begun, He surely said,

"That's a job well done."

The above poem pretty much sums up my little boy. Growing and exploring, A loved to hike and camp, loved to jump in puddles and play in mud too.

I've never been a "nit pick" in the sense that mud makes a great learning experience and so lets get dressed up and get muddy. Worms are interesting creatures, lets learn about them. I'm not a big "you need to be clean"...dirty kids are happy kids and my boy was dirty often.

A was funny, very funny, still is, he's got a cooky sense of humor. When he was little he loved to make crazy faces (see pics), play crazy pranks, and just be a huge jokester in his own right. He was a goof ball.

He also had a real soft side to him too. He was a momma's boy for a long time, but not too much that I worried he would be clingy. He is shy, I remember one time us going to a birthday party and there were mostly adults and he hide under the table! That didn't happen often but sometimes that shyness comes out in the strangest of places and times...other times he was totally out there, so I think it's how he feels around the people he's with, he was quite sensitive to how other people make him feel/interact with him.

This is NOT my kitchen BTW

He hasn't had an easy life, most especially around the 2.5-6 age....at 2.5 his brother was born, and while many children go through the transitional rebellion and shock and adjustment of having a new sibling, and not be the center of attention, A really got the raw end of the stick I believe. He didn't just get a new sibling, but he got a special needs sibling.

NOW, this post is about MY truths, and MY honesty so please don't bash me, your entitled to your own feelings, and I recognize that, but I also know our family and our truths.

While having a special needs brother is well "special" it is not all fun and games, in fact for A it was very little fun and games. I believe it depends on the disabilities and how much interaction there is as well as the age group. For a 2.5 year old boy, it was not very much fun for A. Not only did he get a special needs sibling that demanded 24 hour care but lost his mom for the most part to the daily needs of said brother. The first year of B's life was utter hell for the entire family, I never wish to go back there. And yet, A got through it like the rest of us. He was tender to his brother, he loved him even if he didn't like the upheavel to his life and family.

A had to grow up fast, having a s/n baby with the issues he did, and a toddler was what I would exquate to like having twin newborns. I COULD NOT get to everything and everyone, there were a lot of tears and frustration on all sides. I have to force my sweet little boy to grow up way too fast. He learned quickly how to get his own breakfast (cerel of course) use the VCR, change channels on TV, get himself dressed, etc. etc. I felt so bad for him for those years, I didn't neglect him, I just couldn't cuddle and spend the time with him that he had or that a toddler "should" get. 6 hours of each day was doing therapy of some sorts, and as much as I tryed to get A involved with it, what 2 and a half year old wants to play with baby toys or do the same thing over and over again. 7 hours of each day was spent feeding and cleaning up vomit, and more feeding, and more vomit. I couldn't just put B down while he fed, despite the G-Tube, he would scream the entire hour the food went in, only to spend the next 2 hours vomitting....that was the first year. UGH. And A was left to watch and listen and not have a momma to play with. Aweful times.

I wish I could go back and change a lot, but I cannot, all I can do is be proud that A survived those years along with us.

A was an awesome amazing child....he had his moments, he had his rebellous times....like the time he was say 7 or 8? and I told him not to throw rocks through the basketball net that was beside our driveway. He didn't listen and BAM, the rock hit our windshield. That was a good $600 repair. Broke the thing to pieces. Looking back, I have to laugh, those are good times, lessons learned, and things I'll miss. Yes I'll miss even that. You will too believe it or not.

Babyhood was a breeze

2009-04-27T14:11:00.000-07:00

It really was actually.

I was totally prepared for having a baby, I know one might think, "how can you be prepared for a baby at 18?", but I was. I am the oldest of 3 other siblings, my youngest brother is 12 years my junior, my sister 10, so I did the diaper thing, I have babysat my 3 siblings, and I know it's not the same but I had a good understanding on how babies work, and what they need and what to expect.

So when my own baby came I was ready, and excited and really wasn't a huge adjustment for me. 'A' was really a pretty easy baby, I tried very briefly to breastfeed but the hospital staff wasn't very supportive and gave it up within the first 24 hours. I can't say I really remember much of the sleepless nights but I know I had them. Honestly I just remember holding him and loving him a lot.

When A was 2 months old his "bio father" and I split. I say that because he obviously was not prepared to be a father, and really not a very nice person to begin with. Thinking back I knew that, after 4 years of being with him I was well...just dumb and "needy" then and took what I could get despite how bad it was. It was 'A' that woke me up from my dream of "fixing him", I wasn't having my son grow up in a bad home.

I then became a single mom and was pretty happy with my life. I went back to highschool to finish my last year (I didnt' go when I was pregnant) and then went to college.

Ian and I hooked up when I went back to highschool. He was in his OAC's, they don't have that anymore, and I went back for my 12th year, we had known each other since Grade 9 but were always in different social circles and though friends, and though he liked me, I would have never dated him back then. (Vain...yes, but I was young and dumb and looking for the bad boy). Anyway, when I went back, social shit never mattered anymore, I just wanted someone who would respect me without the need to control or manipulate me, as well as love my son. And Ian was the perfect fit. A was 10 months old when I introduced the two and they were a hit...and it's been that way ever since.

As a baby A loved outside, picking flowers, hugging momma, playing games, and chasing people's feet. His milestones were pretty much met at the appropriate time, and I have tons of stories he would kill me if I shared on a public blog like this. Lets just say he was a great baby, with a great easy going personality.

Here's some pics of him as a baby....pics are not great, didn't have a digital camera back then and well, I never claimed to be a photographer....lol. I was lucky to have a 5mm film camera with no flash...

*****Gosh, I've had a really really crappy day today, and writing this and seeing these pictures really did make it a lot better*******

Little boy is long gone.....

2009-04-26T16:00:00.000-07:00

This week I'm dedicated my blog to my handsome and wonderful son and his life thus far.....

14 years ago I gave birth to my first child. I was living in a basement apartment at the time with my (x) husband, too young to be planning for babies, and yet that was what I was doing. We had a small little place, quaint and pretty, 2 bedrooms and decorated the nursery as best as I could with the budget we had. I was working at (cover my eyes in shame...) Wendy's at the time and was overdue by over a week. I knew he was a boy, we found that out long before via ultrasound.

I was young, and vulnerable, and very niave. I was not aware of infertility or all that can plague a pregnancy and really didn't worry much during it about my sweet little baby. I took care of myself, but maybe not as well as what I would now knowing all that I do...ie: Folic Acid, etc.

One night I went to bed, my waterbed, bassinet ready to go....just another night really, when I woke up feeling as if I pee'd myself. I ran to the bathroom in shame and on the toilet and waited and wondered all the while severe cramps were taking over my body non stop. I called labor and delivery, because there was no break they didn't think it was labor, afterall contractions come and go, every 10 mins, every 5 mins, every 3 mins...time to go to the hosptial. Not for me, just non stop, neverending pain. I decided that if I wasn't in labor something was wrong and we're going to the hospital. I called my mom and let her know, and told my xhubby that as soon as I got off the toilet I was going straight to the car, he better be ready!

This all happened so fast, too fast. I got in the car and off we went and were at the hospital not more than 35mins from jumping out of bed with the first pains. I could barely sit in the car, I could barely walk in the hosptial and I told them I believed I was in labor and please help me fast! My mom and best friend were on their way.

Then poof....A was born. I'm not kidding, within 10 mins of getting to the hospital, they got me on the bed, stripped my clothes off, realized I was already 8 cm, and within minutes out my baby boy comes. My mom figured I would be awhile...afterall she was almost 2 days in labor with me and it was my firstborn. She stopped for coffee on the way, it was early in the morning (okay middle of the night really) so I don't blame her, and they did go through the drive thru.....they missed it. When they arrived, not more than 10mins after me, I was holding a baby in my arms! My mom was totally shocked to say the least.

A little boy, 6'lbs, 8oz, 20" long, 2:21am.

From laying in bed to holding a baby it was 45 mins. 45 mins...can you imagine! I can't even watch a full show in 45 mins, I can't clean my house in 45 mins, I can't get through my email in 45 mins, but I can deliver a baby!

My Sweet Little Neice

2009-04-22T16:37:00.000-07:00

Oh how fast they grow, I'm telling ya! I only see her about once a month.....sigh, but she is such a delight to be around when I do.

My sister, brother in law (sort of) and my sweet baby neice Moyra came over for dinner on the weekend and we had such a nice time together. I had such a nice time with them. They stayed and watched a movie and it was such a treat just to hang out with my sister...it's been awhile.

Moyra is a little doll, I got some really cute pictures of some of her sweet expressions. Enjoy!

She is all about the house now, commando crawling, wanting to check everything out. She's so good with other people too, she totally is into your face. She just LOVES Taylor and Bailey, she was chasing them about and loves loves Taylor's hair....though Taylor doesn't like it much when she pulls it, but it's real cute to see little Moyra flapping her arms trying to get at her. So cute! I just love my baby niece to pieces. She is my first niece on my side of the family and she is a joy to all our lives.

On a side note, I have to say I'm very impressed with my sister and brother in law! She is a young mom, which makes parenting more difficult for some, and yet she has really stepped up to the plate. She is great with Moyra, very protective, and loving, and attentive to her needs. She was meant to be a mother, maybe not so young, but like me really took the role of mom seriously and really enjoys her baby. Now my "brother in law" --which he pretty much is even if they aren't yet married, is really really admirable. Most men his age run away when they learn of being a father. This man has dedicated his entire life to my sister and their baby. He goes to school full time to better his education so he could get a good job, PLUS is working his butt off at a part time job, sometimes 2 part time jobs, plus being a dad whenever he is home. I'm really impressed with him....when I first met him he was the type one might expect to run, kinda goofy and silly, not really serious, but he did a total 180 when he was about to be a dad.

So this post is dedicated to my sister, brother in law and little Moyra.

Court today

2009-04-20T18:27:00.000-07:00

And thrown in jail for being a bad, very bad girl. *wink wink*
Kidding..........

But I did have court today and the charges were.........

Oh wait I should give you the back story first.
May 2007, my van was making funny noise. Took it into a mechanic I went to and trusted for years and he said it has a small opening? where the muffler and pipe connected. Threw some cement on it and all was good.

For a little while....

By July 2007 it was really noisy, so I had him change the whole muffler and tailpipe.
July 2007-Last month....
My muffler was noisy. Never stopped being noisy. Went back a couple of times to the mechanic and he said it was fine. Looked under the car a few times, never seen any leaks. Went back to mechanic Sept 2008 for the last time and he put his hand over the tailpipe and it made no noise and he said it was fine. UGH.

Last month....police pull me over, proceeded to lecture me about not having a muffler, etc etc and despite the very true and frustrating story I told him, he gave me a ticket, for $110!!!

I signed it back as "Not Guilty".

You see I think of tickets given for people who are neglectful or careless. People who make no effort to follow the law(s), and I do try and this time I believe the ticket was unfairly given. I did make reasonalble and proper effort to follow the law...I was a victim of mechanic scam because they didn't want to replace the warranted muffler that was fixed in 2007.

I went to court today and told the prosecutor that and

the charges were..............

dismissed! I didn't even talk to the judge except to say my name.

Woohooo, but why couldn't that just been done over the phone or through paperwork...like seriously what a big waste of time that was.

Oh well, at least I'm not paying out $110.00

Oh and I did get the muffler refixed by a new mechanic shop and will not be going back to the old one anymore.

What a week

2009-04-18T22:30:00.000-07:00

Has it been almost a week since I last blogged?? Looks like I got some updating to do, how could I leave my blog hanging for so long!

Well Easter weekend went off without a hitch, as you read previously, but the aftermath has been nothing short of difficult.

Did I mention that every holiday it seems someone decides to share their germs with my family and someone ends up sick?!?!

This holiday was no different. Friday before Easter Taylor wakes up with a red eye...oh what fun, we got Pink Eye! Off to the doc first thing in the morning to get meds, for the whole family just in case but definetaly to get Taylor on. Then Sunday night Bailey catches it, he starts meds too. When something like Pink Eye gets in the house, it has it's way of always making it over to Bailey so we pretty much expected this and was kinda sorta already treating him with infrequent eye drops. Once he officially got it, we just upped the drops to the perscribed amount.

Phew, Pink Eye taken care of, easy does it....NOT. Monday was a great day, just hanging around the house really playing with the kids. I HAVE to get my camera out more often because I miss so many great photo opps during these times. Taylor had her dance lessons, Bailey his Cubs, the regular stuff. Tuesday back to work...uh oh, Taylor is sick in the car on the way to work, and I mean SICK...full out throwing up. I had to sadly call work and tell them I wasn't coming in that afternoon (secretly I was NOT sad, in fact I like when the kids are sick, I get a day off!). Of course I take the afternoon off and she is bouncing all over the walls, happy as pie, all day long. Man kids are resilent.

Guess I'm going to work Wednesday. Tuesday night, kids go to bed and oh dear, 10:30pm Taylor wakes up just wretching! AGAIN! My poor little baby, what can I do but hold her hair back as she full out wretched every 5 mins from 10-2am. I felt so bad for her and yet she was like "no big deal, I'll do my thing in the bucket and be over with it", I think I felt worse than she did, she was still her happy little self....

Because of the very late night I opted out of work on Wednesday as well...didn't want to take any chances...and of course was enjoying the very very long break from work with Easter and all. Of course my sweet little monkey was happy as pie all of Wed. and we even went to the mall to get her some new runners which she desperately needed. Sickies all gone, another round of germs tackled.

Thursday was back to work...that's okay the next day was Friday and the weather was beautiful. Thursday night I even went to a candle party and spent too much money. Friday was another good day of the usual, and more great weather! Friday night my sister and brother in law visited with their baby and we had a great time together. Watched a movie afterwards, "Yes Man" pretty funny for a Jim Carey movie that is. I loved it when he had to say "Yes" to the old lady with no teeth, but also makes for a really good phylosophy in life too. A good watch, has some deep meaning if you can get past the stupid yet very adult humor that Jim Carey movies often have.

Today has been an interesting day. Since noone seems to be knocking down our door to buy our house, which I'm not sure why to be honest cause MY house is the most amazing house on the market, we are making some plans to buy D out and take over the entire house ourselves, and completely renovate. This may not seem very important to this blog entry but that's what we did today! We went off to Home Depot and starting looking at various things we needed/wanted to completely renovate the bsmt into a larger bedroom and fancy man lovin media room. (Lets not forget a small corner for my scrapbooking either, wink wink).

Tonight I went over to visit with some friends with Anthony, and played some Rock Band...which I've discovered is a lot of fun despite the fact that I SUCK. Who cares right, we all had a great time and I really like to play the drums, though I did pretty good in the singing part...guess they don't measure actual sound just if you can say the words on time. Actual sound would have killed us all!!!

Thus far it's been a week of ups and downs but kept it interesting to say the least. I'm looking forward to tommorrow...not much planned, and since it's now 2am I doubt I'll even get up for church...naughty me.

Amazed

2009-04-14T15:56:00.000-07:00

I am continuously amazed by humanity, by all the people who rally together for a virtual person, a real life stranger and yet a real life person in need.

I went over to MyCharmingKids today http://www.mycharmingkids.net/search?updated-max=2009-03-27T14%3A45%3A00-06%3A00&max-results=20

to get the latest update on Stellen, the little guy who is fighting a terrible heart condition and the family who is making it day by day and finally had time to check out the name gallery and am just amazed at so many people who are all praying and rooting and thinking of a little baby they've never met! All over the world people are praying for him, from China to Brazil, one side of the earth to the other. HOW AWESOME IS THAT!

If you haven't seen this name gallery, I highly recommend checking it out....http://www.mycharmingkids.net/2008/08/eventually-these-photographs-will-be-in.html

I too continue to pray for Stellen and his family as they find an end to this aweful struggle.

I too am in awe of the love and affection human kind has for one another, and not just in times of despair.

I too am grateful to know that I belong to this race and that God has brought so many of us together through the internet, through real life, through all boundaries to help each other out and support each other.

I too am thankful for the technology that allows us to do just that.
I am just amazed and so very thankful!!!

Easter Celebrations-Powerful Questions

2009-04-12T10:45:00.000-07:00

It's been a great weekend thus far. Friday we headed out and did some Geo-caching....anyone out there ever tried it? I'm not big into the caching itself but I do love the walks. Anyway kids, hubby and I all packed up and got into the car and off we went to the site. Unload everyone from the car and hubby then realizes............drumroll...........he forgot the batteries to his GPS...ugh.

Now hubby has been to this one before, and we're there right? May as well make the best of it and give it a try completely blind..... Hubby leads us to where he thinks he remembers the treasure being through clues so as to make it fun and after a bit of searching and some minor scratches along the way we (tada!) found it. Good Job Ian!! There we dropped off our travel bug we got from Florida...this little bug (well it was a seal) has travelled over 11, 000 miles starting in the UK. It's goal was to visit as many countries as possible and well we helped it get to Canada...woohooo for us!

Afterwards we just hung out, went for long walks in the sunshine and enjoyed the family time. Got home had dinner and did a "Nip Tuck" marathon....yup, finally finshed the first part of the Season 5 (oh my gosh S, "out there" wasn't even the word for it, my jaw dropped one too many times this season) loving every single minute of it. We now just starting with what's come out this past March as we have it on our PVR.

Saturday was a pretty lazy day....we've closed up the house for showings this weekend, we just wanted to relax and enjoy ourselves, we needed this time as a family and enjoy the holiday.

Baked an Easter cake that turned into a disaster...oh well, everyone ate it stale jelly beans and all, and went to my mom's house for Easter dinner with the whole family (where I fed them the cake...). I still can't believe we seat 13 at our table with my immediate family only. It was a nice dinner and we actually stayed pretty late.

The Easter bunny came Sat night and layed it's eggs ALL OVER my house! The kids woke up to an array of colorful Easter eggs and were delighted to collect them all. I'm sure I'll still be finding them a month from now though...lol....funny bunny.

Today we have plans to clean house and prepare to open it back up for Tuesday. We went to church, and actually that is what this post was meant to be about....I really enjoyed the message today, I love going to church (when I can get motivated to get up early enough to go), I always feel great after going, uplifted, ya know?

Anyway, the message was pretty strong today, it was titled "Alive in Me" and based on Luke 24:13-35.

Some questions that stirred up my own feelings (which they always do in our church) I really thought would be nice to post about. Here goes:

1. After reading the above scripture, we were asked to consider that first Easter Sunday morning from the perpective of the two walking the road to Emmaus. What emotions they were experiencing and how might they have reacted when they recognized Jesus' presence?

2. If "the road to Emmaus" is sort of a "road to nowhere", how might you enter into this part of the story? When did you feel like you were on a "road to nowhere?"

3. As they recognize Jesus the story tells us that there was "fire within them"? Could that be the resurrection from them being experienced? When have you experienced that kind of fire and passion in life? How does that contrast with the "road to nowhere"?

4. How do you think about the ressurection on a day like today? What if it were more "heaven coming to us" rather than "us going to heaven?"

These are some pretty powerful questions and whatever one's beliefs are, I think it fits with a lot of different situations and perspectives. I have often found myself going down that "road to nowhere" and had to re-check my internal map and find out what it was I was seeking out, re-evaluate the route and adjust accordingly. I find that when I am on the right path, I feel that fire, that passion, that excitement....when I get off course is when I lose all of it.

So here's to Easter, staying on the right path, keeping the passion and living life as if Heaven was coming to me!

Off the soapbox now, on to cleaning..............

Easter

2009-04-09T14:34:00.000-07:00

Easter is a special time in our house, not only is there a religious aspect to it, but also a personal one.

It is a time of death and a time of ressurection. Jesus sacrificed so much for us, only to be given new life in order to guide us better.

For me it also is a ressurection of my own life. It's a time when I look at the previous year and decide what I want to die, and what I want to ressurect. A time when I look at my blessings in life and am thankful, a time when I stop and pause and remember that while Jesus died for my sins, I don't have to keep doing them either. A time when I consider who I am and how well I'm doing following His path.

It's a time of ressurection too, new beginnings. Easter is far more special to me than New Years. Everyone makes New Years resolutions, most dont' keep them. It's a new year, I'm going to do this different....but do we really?

Easter is about new beginnings. Not necessarily about doing things different but finding new starts. For example: New Years resolution may be to diet and lose weight....how long does it take to fall off the wagon? New beginnings is about changing your life to a healthy life, lose weight or not, change the lifestyle start a new beginning.

God decided Jesus would have a new beginning, I believe He also wants us too to consider our own new starts, be it attitudes, lifestyles, thoughts or whatever it may be.

So with that, I want to wish everyone a Happy Easter, a toast to the death of the things you don't want in your life and a start to your new beginnings.

Finding Myself....

2009-04-08T13:40:00.000-07:00

Feeding Insecurities Spinoff.....

In light of my recent revelation I shared over at Sharing a Dream
http://sharing-a-dream.blogspot.com/ I have been doing a lot of thinking and soul searching about my life, and my views and perceptions. As I said before I was going to take time to "find myself again" as I feel I've lost some of me along the way and I understand for those of you who don't want to follow along; afterall many of you I met through surrogacy and this blog site is not about infertility or surrogacy and may not be of interest to you. But I need to get it out and if you happen to follow along, great!

Anyway, over the last 24 hours I have been doing a lot of thinking and analyzing who I am and why I am the way I am. I happened to log in and checked out another bloggers site
http://myjourneytomylesandbeyond.blogspot.com/ where she had a couple of quotes that really affected me. Thank you Niki for sharing these quotes.

The main quote I have been thinking about was
"We see things not as they are but as we are".

How does that relate to me? Sure I have many titles; mom, sister, wife, blah blah, but who am I? Beyond the titles? I realize I am a product of my upbringing, of my experiences, these things shape me and affect my perspectives on life. They affect the way I think, feel and react. They go deep, right down to the core.

With that being said, what has been my upbringing and experiences and HOW have they shaped me? How have they affected my current relationships? I have spent the last 24 hours looking back and trying to figure this out.

Some it of goes back to the relationship with my mother. I know she loves me, but we are like oil and water and she can hurt me so much. With most other family members you can go about your merry way not worrying what they think, but when it's your mother, for some reason I have placed so much worth into her opinions. I spent my life trying to please her, and feeling like I never suceeded. Often times her opinions of me are negative and I feel like I'm not good enough. The things she says cuts deep, and I believe that affected my own self esteem because I did put so much into what she thought.

Some of it goes back to a previous relationship (my first marraige), I had many years ago. A unhealthy nasty relationship that left me scarred with a low self image.

Another person in my life that claims to be my friend when he's mad will say the cruelest things. I can't get away from this person right now, but I plan to make that break. He is the nicest of people and has helped my family tremendously but if you make him mad, or he drinks to much he can really hurt you with his words. I remember a time he said to me out of the blue "you know your not your daughters hero".....I left the room crying not sure why he said that or what he meant by that.

We all have had people in our lives that have been unkind even when their intentions were good, or just cruel to make themselves feel good. We all have had people in our lives who have affected us, but it really can change you if you let it.

I realized that I have let these people change me, I have let their words affect me.
I put walls up with the people who are most close to me, not wanting to let them too far in. I expect to be hurt from those I love so I go about actually looking for it. I am a jealous person when it comes to sharing people in my life. I hold resentments over family members who have not had to live the life I have. To those around me who are not very close I present as a strong individual, independant, with a good self esteem....yet deep inside I question myself all the time. If I havent' talked to a friend of mine I've known for 22 years now, I wonder what I did wrong. It can't be just because life is busy, but rather I sit and wonder if everything is okay. If someone says something that sounds "off" to me, I wonder if I said something wrong...it can't be because of other circumstances, instead I feel like I've messed up somehow.

I realized that I am not seeing things as they are but rather as who I am?

So what do I do with it all now? Well, now that I got a bit more of a understanding on who I am, now I have to think, "who do I want to be?". Do I want to see things this way because of my own personal history? Do I want my perspective to be distorted based on those who have hurt me?

I can change this. I have realized that I have control over how I percieve things. I can think positively and trust in myself and who I am and my worth. I don't have to allow those negative self thoughts and doubts overcome me and I most certainly don't have to allow others negative thoughts affect me. It won't happen overnight, it's about retraining my own thinking, but I can do it.

This is my first step to learning about myself and finding myself again...if you made it this far, thanks for following along with my inner ramblings.

Honestly, it just feels so good to get it out of my head.

Spring

2009-04-02T18:49:00.000-07:00

First real post on my new blog, woohooo....and a great update coming your way....

Today has been a really nice day, and I'm left feeling happy and alive. Winter sucks, not too many people that by Feburary are saying how much they love the winter, and well, spring is here, or trying to make it's presence that is. And once in awhile you get a day like today that really just lifts your spirits and gives you rolling amounts of energy.

Funny enough, last night I didn't sleep much, so I went to work tired and ready for my nap as soon as I got back. I hope into bed at 10am and pass out right away....nice....but then wide awake after an interesting but not lasting dream 15 mins later. Yes, 10:15, so I lay there and contiplated trying to go back to sleep but I just wanted to get up and go.

Rather than waste my time in bed laying awake wondering if I should get up, I just got up and piddled around the house. I then went to pick up T from school and we headed to my favorite restaurant with a friend and her kids. Chinese buffet, yummm, all you can eat sushi, double yum!

Afterwards we came back to my place, played at the park for a bit, played in the house for a bit and then back to work. Was I tired, you bet, while driving I was feeling the lost sleep the night before and too short nap that morning, but I kept getting a 2nd wind over and over again throughout the afternoon. So much so after work (we work together) I asked my friend and her kids that I spent the afternoon with if they wanted to come for dinner.

So tonight there was 6 kids, and 3 adults in the house and I LOVE IT! It was nice to have company over and the kids all played so well together. We pulled out the Wii (a gift my very thoughtful friends S and B bought my family for Christmas...I'll never be able to thank them enough for that), and we all played, with the kids, as adults, kids on kids, adults on kids, for quite a while and everyone was happy and sharing and just a really nice time.

We kept dinner simple with Chicken strips and homemade fries...afterall lunch at a buffet doesn't leave you very hungry and it was a very last minute invite so nothing was planned, and then it was so nice, we took the kids to the park again, in the evening! It's so nice here, now for some you might think it was cold, it was +10 ish, but for us, well we have been dying to get a break from the negative numbers. Our park trip turned into a walk through the creek and pathways, for over an hour with all the kids. It was after 8pm when we got home. We hadn't done that since fall and it felt soooo good!

My body was just thanking me all the way, as it hasn't had much exercise or fresh air in a long time, and even as I sit and write at 10pm tonight, I'm left feeling really good and not even exhausted as I should be.

Just a great day all around! Springtime here we come!

Welcome!

2009-04-01T19:30:00.001-07:00

Hi, glad you found me!!! I was afraid of starting up a new blog because I didn't want to lose those I felt were my blog friends in blogger world, and yet I felt that rambling on about my everyday life did not fit the "Sharing A Dream" theme.

So, I decided to begin this blog dedicated to just daily events, and keep the old one dedicated for what it's orginial purpose was, my thoughts on all things fertility and infertility and my experiences as a person sharing the dream of family building in one way or another.

I believe I have grabbed everyone that was on my list, but if I missed you, just be sure to let me know...it's getting late here and my eyes are going buggy.

You'll noticed I transferred a lot of the posts about daily life from the other blog onto here. I plan to remove them in 2 weeks from the other site so that it can go back to it's original theme.

Sorry for the inconvience, but I still want to continue to follow your journies as well no matter what site I'm posting on that particular day.

Thanks for all the support and love being sent my way, and even those swift kicks in the buttocks when I needed it. I really do appreciate it!

Feel free to comment and tell me what ya think, I just love comments and hearing all your thoughts. Have a great night!!!

House Selling?

2009-03-31T09:37:00.000-07:00

A question came up and I realized that I never elaborated on what happened with the house, I'm not sure I said anything at all actually....sorry. My florida trip was so long I didn't even think to add that in.

Soooo, it fell through. Sucks. It was sold conditionally, and one of the conditions was a building inspection. On the Thursday we were gone, they came in with some inspector and did their thing. Then I hear back, and their requests were ridicilous and we let the deal fall through.

What is a building inspection for?? It's meant to find hidden problems with the house that buyers never saw or wouldn't know to look for. It's not meant to get upgrades with or add things into a house....

Here is what their requests were:
1. Replace all the closet doors.....ummm the doors weren't there in the first place. You knew that when you put in the offer, one would have expected that that was considered when you agreed to a price $10,000 lower than the asking price...
(I hate closet doors by the way, so I deliberately took them all off and stage the closet as part of the room with a open curtain type look...this was done years ago, people see that as they pass through).

2. Have a weatherproofing guy come in and check out the cracks in the foundation dig down 6 feet or whatever and repair cracks. There is no leaks...let me make that clear, NO LEAKS. The basement walls are dry, there is no leaks. These are cracks that have been there since well before we even moved in 6 years ago, someone had a problem at one point, and had them fixed. YES, they were fixed...there is a standard patch on it. All houses have cracks in their foundation, it's how big and how deep they are....ummmm, these don't leak, their not big, they are not a problem, but you want us to spend all that money to have someone come in and tell us it's okay? Um, NOT. Now if you upped your price back to asking price, I would consider it.

3. Electrical box is not big enough for "their" needs, they want us to put in a bigger one, though the house currently doesn't need it. Yeah whatever, that's not a house defect is it? They wanted someone to come in an asess the electrical panel and make sure it's in good working order...(that is because building inspectors do not guarentee electrical things so they want US to pay for their inspections now), NOT. It is in good working order, we do not have any problems nor ever had. And upgrade it, yeah right honey, why should I spend my money on upgrading for your needs? It's safe, it's in good condition, there is no hidden repair, so it's part of the package YOU offered.

Next you'll come to me and ask me to upgrade all the appliances to meet your needs too eh...NOT!

There was one more really dumb thing too, but it doesn't matter. Our real estate agent was pissed, as were we. They completely abused the condition of a building inspection and I knew I should have adjusted how that condition was worded.

It was worded basically that they were satisfied by the building inspection report....meaning a loose doorknob may not be satisifactory and they could walk over that.

I should have had it changed to something like: if any one definancy cost more than $1,000, sellers have the choice to lower the price, or repair it, and/or buyers have the option to walk sort of thing. That way they can't ask for upgrades (needs to be a definancy), and it has a dollar amount that they can't nic pick.

Basically they were looking for an excuse to get out, and well, we had no choice but to let them out because the condition was so loosely written. Though (sneer) I did take over a week to sign the mutual release form so they could put offers on other houses too.

Idiots! So the house is still on the damn market, we've had about 50 showings and it sucks. Some days it's 3 per day, other times it's one a day, I don't even know what it's like to relax in my own house anymore. It really sucks.

As to those buyers, the evil side of me hopes they buy a house that has a hidden problem they don't see and they get a HUGE FLOOD! But that wouldn't be very nice of me to really want that now would it.

The Magical World of Disney

2009-03-29T15:10:00.000-07:00

I'm finally getting to the last piece of our vacation....Disney World. Sorry it's taken me so long, it's been a crazy week, with lots of showings on the house, work, and being sick and trying desperately to get better...I think it's gone to my sinuses now.

Anyway, Disney World. We did not see all of Disney, so this post is really about Magic Kingdom and that particular park in Disney only as that was the only one we went to. Before I begin into the technicality of Magic Kingdom, I wanted to give you some insight into my thought process.

You know how you have a dream (well we all do), a big dream that you never quite do anything about to make happen, but it's there nonetheless. Then finally you say "we're going to do it" and begin to immerse yourself into the planning and organizing of making that dream come true. You spend so much time planning, preparing, working very hard to get to that point and your so busy doing it that you forget what it's all about till you slow down. THAT was Disney World for me.

We didn't get out of the hotel till after 11am which meant we didn't get to Disney World till almost 3pm. I wanted to get out earlier but it just wasn't in the cards I guess. By the time we took the Monorail and got into Magic Kingdom itself it was like 3:45pm. Oh, well, park closes at 10pm we'll have to cram as much as we can into the 6 hours we had available. When we entered the park, people all around were lined up around the street and when I asked what was going on they said a parade was coming by. Good timing we had so we grabbed a piece of curb, parked our butts and waited for the 4pm start of the parade. And it started....and almost as soon as it started I started to cry. Yup, you got that right, I started to cry.

Remember how I said that your so busy trying to meet a dream that it isn't until you slow down that you can see if for what it is? Well that was me. Finally slowing down while enjoying this parade realizing "I did it". My dream for my kids to go to Disney World has come true. All my children are with me and here we are! All that planning, stress and frustration that brought us here, was worth it, a DREAM COME TRUE. And THAT is what Disney world is all about, Dreams, Wishes, coming true, wishing upon stars and magic...every parade, every show, every song they sing is along those lines, and it all hit me then and there, Dreams CAN come true, sometimes it takes a lot of work and effort, sometimes you have to make those dreams happen, they don't just fall out of the sky, but they CAN come true. The parade was AMAZING! Below I'm hiding my face cause I'm crying...yes, I am a dork.

Now Disney world is all about kids, it's the only amusement park I know that is really geared towards kids ages 2-10ish. We got Bailey a wheelchair, though he could probably have walked *most* of the day, he would have been tired and we would have been exhausted chasing after him, redirecting him and getting him to behave, as well the more tired he is the worse his balance is so it was worth the $10 to rent a wheelchair for him. Also Bailey is NOT good in line ups. Terrible. He blows his raspberries (which many who don't know him think it's spitting and essentially it is but for him it's sensory stimulation), he knocks into people, and if it's a long line up he starts pulling on peoples clothes, purses, and flailing his arms and such. So we got a pass to fasttrack lineups and go up exits...we always do for these sort of things and it's nice in the sense that we don't have to wait in big long lineups and can experience most of the park in a shorter amount of time with the least amount of stress.

So after the parade we went around and did the ride thing, which are geared for little kids, saw a show at the castle, did more rides saw the evening parade and watched the fireworks which they do every night to music at the castle. It was an amazing day.

One thing Taylor really wanted to do since she learned we were going there was to Hug a Princess. I didn't know if I could make this a reality but I was prepared to try, if I had to jump on one walking by and hold her down, my daughter was going to hug a princess.

Well I guess that is not a rare request because they have an entire indoor area where kids go to meet the princesses and give hugs and such and even get autographs! I was not prepared for autographs and when I realized after seeing another kid they did that, I said quietly to Ian how dissappointed I was I hadn't thought ahead and had a book or pen and paper. In an instant one of the princess attendants came over and said they were going to get us an autograph book, to wait for them. I think because of Bailey's disability we got this special treatment but whatever the reason it was sooo nice and touching. When they came with the book, and gave it to us, I then realized that they were giving us a book you normally buy for free...just because. I was overwhelmed by their kindness. The other thing that surprised me was that Princess Belle knew sign language...how cool that she was signing to Bailey....the day just kept getting better and better.

Disney World is a world of magic. You'll never see a cleaner park, you'll never meet more friendly staff, you'll never see a more child oriented place in the world. (I think). When parades pass by even the security guards are dancing, it's a place where the kids are in awe and the adults feel like kids again.

My husband said that he never felt more like a parent than in Disney World. Why? I asked him. And he said because it's really a place for kids, a place where you feel like a parent relishing in the joy the place brings to your kids. There are no rides just for adults, to be adults, everything is about the kids. He is right. It's a place where you feel such immense, I don't even know how to say it, satisfaction? Joy for your kids? I'm not sure how to explain it.

Now I've been to Magic Kingdom before and thought it sucked...I was 14 at the time. It does suck for that age, but for a parent, or a young child, it's a place like no other and something I am so lucky that I was able to enjoy and take my kids to. Anthony was older (almost 14 now), but he was such a champ and made the best of it for the little kids. I have no idea what he and his friend C did as they went off for the day on their own, but was happy to go back to their meeting place and find they didn't get kicked out, and were not real grumpy about being there.

I do plan to take Taylor back in a couple of years, I can totally see why people fly all the way to Florida just to hang out at a Disney World resort and do the parks the whole trip. I want her to be a little older when I take her back and then we're going to do a whole princess weekend...get princess makeovers, have lunch and storytime with princesses, etc. etc. Because of the other kids and time restraints, those opportunities were missed, which is totally okay, but in a couple of years we will go back, just us girls.

I'm not sure how to end this blog so I'll leave it with video below. The song is "When you wish upon a star" and there were vocals though my battery was about to die so I only captured the end, the entire show was almost 15mins long!!

Disney World truely was the best part of the trip to Florida, even my husband agrees. (Though the ocean is a close second)

Florida Family Vacation Part 2

2009-03-27T20:04:00.000-07:00

**Read Part 1 if you want for full effect

Okay so now we're at Wednesday. Wait before I go there did I mention on Tuesday night after our Key West trip I got to experience a real outdoor laundry mat! How cool is that!! The entire place had only 1 wall, and a picnic shelter roof! Some of you are probably laughing at me but you would never see that here, yeah people shivering their arcses off doing laundry in our winters...ugh. It was really neat, made a crappy job kind of interesting...even though it was pouring rain.

Wednesday all day it was still raining. This was the day we were to spend at the beach, the ocean, the beautiful sun and waves...and it was so rainy. Even when I checked all the other beaches, including Miami it was all rain. So we loaded kids up in the car and off we went to check out some of the Miami museums. With the Miami Go Card we could get into quite a few things for free. By the time we got to Miami the sun was shining (in Miami)....errrr.....but we brought no bathing suits and made these plans so we were sticking with it. We first went to the Science Museum which was cute and then the Children's museum, oh my, the big kids well, you can imagine what they thought but the little kids, especially Taylor, was in her glory!! She loved the doctors center, where she could dress up and be a real doctor and the shopping area where they had these oversized food items you go and fill up your shopping cart with. She was in love there...and I just loved watching her just play and be the sweet angel she is. Bailey he loved the firetrucks and the huge ship where he was captain...it was really cool to see his excitement over it all too. The older boys, they went off on their own and I'm just happy they didnt' get kicked out...lol. Afterwards we headed to Coral Castle, but my bad planning had us there 20 mins after it was closed. It was pouring rain again and so we just found something to eat and headed back.

Thurday we were all up early, this was one of my favorite days. We went on a bus tour to the Everglades. The bus ride was short, and we were there in no time....and what a great time we all had!!!! We rode the airboat and saw lots of live wild crocidiles and other animals not as interesting as the crocs but nice nevertheless. Then we saw a live croc show, the man was very good at his job and very very funny. I highly recommend a trip to the Everglades National Park for both kids and adults! Walked around the Croc place for a bit, bought some souveniers and then headed back on the bus to Miami. Once we got back we went to the Miami Marketplace, looked around for a bit, finally found the croc shoes I was looking for...pink ones at that, and then (I packed and planned this time) headed to Miami Beach to spend the rest of the afternoon. It was a wonderful day, the entire day, and everyone this time really enjoyed each part of it.

Thursday night we began packing and Friday morning we finished the packing and headed out for home, with a stop to Disney World. I'm going to leave Disney World to another post...because it really deserves a post of it's own....it's a real magical place and well I don't want to rush through a minute of it by summing it up here. So bear with me it might be a couple more days before you get the Disney Post.

After Disney it was about 11:30pm Friday night, I was starting to get a cold and wanted to head back home before it got worse. So off we went, the van was packed, the kids were tired and ready for sleep, so hubby and I drove all night and all day Saturday taking our shifts all the way home. We were going to stop for dinner in Buffalo before we crossed the boarder, but after an hour of driving around not finding a place, and then ending up in major getto land where buildings were falling down, half burnt, I was NOT getting out of the van, let alone drag 4 kids, no way. So over the boarder we went, took 2 hours to get through the boarder this time, going there is wasn't busy at all, and then in Niagara at midnight we finally stopped at a restaurant and ate. Now you may think Midnight was a crazy time, but really, our schedules were so messed up from sleeping and eating when we could that it was like mid day for the kids. In fact when we rolled into the door to home sweet home at 2:30am, my 5 year old daughter was ready and begging to play!!! Yeah, sure, that was not happening...some of us had not got much sleep cause we were ummmm driving...but it's amazing how adaptable kids really can be...at least short term anyway.

So that was the trip, it was amazing and wonderful and worth every effort and stress and penny. I have no regrets, each day was unique and busy and eventful and I was re-energized from all that Vitamin D, at least for a little while. I can definately tackle the rest of this winter with renewed faith that summer is just around the corner. Afterall we do get 2 to 3 good months of summer, and I CAN"T WAIT!

Thanks for reading and all the well wishes for a safe and happy trip, we did and it was awesome a true Dream come true!

Florida Family Vacation Part 1

2009-03-26T17:59:00.000-07:00

I often start my blog posts with "where to begin" and that's because there is just so much to say and well, gotta keep it short because I am often too long winded, I'll most likely be long winded anyway, but just know I tried. I'll do it in two parts so I don't take up too much of anyone's time all at once.

The drive there and back was perfect! I mean perfect. We loaded two 13 year old boys (my son brought his friend), an 11 year old and 5 year old all crammed in a rented mini-van that was not huge to say the least and off we went. The drive there was about 26 hours?? and Ian and I did 4 hour shifts all night and all day. We all did really well and the kids didn't fight once! We had maps for them to track our journey so we didn't hear the dreadful "Are we there yet?" questions, and tons of food...can't fight with food in your mouth and the fuller you are, the more you want to sleep. At least that does it for me, so hubby and I ate light most of the way while we stuffed the kids with junk. Junk keeps kids happy too. Portable DVD players (3 of them) and handheld Video game consoles never came in more handy. Once we got to Florida the drive wasn't over...since I booked our hotel close to Miami, we still had an 8 hour drive....man Florida is a big state! Those last 4 hours were really hard, we were just itching to get there already!

At one point I had hubby pull over just so I could get out of the van and stand on the side of the Interstate and raise my arms in the sky and just breathe in the beautiful summer air....yes, it was summer air, from where I live, it was summer, no matter what you Floridians think. Driving from -10 when we left to almost 30 (or 80 something Americans call it) is a BIG deal!

So enough about driving. We get there, unload the van real quick, throw the stuff in the hotel and back into the car. You might have thought I was crazy to do that, but I just HAD to get the ocean. It was only about 8 at night by this time, but I had to breathe the salty air of the ocean even if we couldn't swim in it.

The next morning, Sunday was a right off. I was really dissappointed by the wasted day. First we had to get groceries since we were doing in on the cheap and eating in the hotel suite most of the time, and then the ridicioulous seach for those stupid shoes called "Crocs"...one would think easy to find in Florida, apparently NOT! And to top it all of, just when things are almost done, I get a call from my Real Estate Guy back home saying I got an offer on the house. So we got back to the hotel I sent hubby and the kids to the pool while I dealt with the offer stuff over my laptop and the hotel's fax machine. The day was over by the time it was all done.

Monday was much the same though we did get to the ocean. Though it took us almost an hour to find parking, we spent a couple of hours at the local beach a few blocks from the hotel. It was a nice time, but way too short for my liking. The kids loved the ocean, looking for seashells, playing in the waves, this was their first time ever experiencing it, and they weren't too fond of the salty waters...can't say that's a selling feature for ocean swimming either. That was pretty much Monday...

Oh, but I did take the advice of the Photography Sites I was stalking before I went and made sure to do "photo shoot" day, and we did that Monday. Here are some great shots I got.

Tuesday was our big tour to Key West. We got up before the bugs let alone birds or sun, I think it was something like 4:30am, to be out the door by 5am, to be at the bus in Miami by 6:10am, and we did it. Hop on the bus for the 4 hour drive into Key West, through all the Keys and viola, they drop us off.....but where? Well, we were in Key West, but well...there was nothing to do. When you plan things from Canada all you got to go on is internet information, selling ads, reviews, and the phone. I used all these tools when planning out the vacation and tours and everything said that it would be a fun time for all. NOT! There literally was nothing to do. Where we got dropped off (not far from Mile 0) there was a teeny tiny 10foot beach, that the kids did not want to swim in cause it was filled with washed up sticks and didn't look pleasent. So we walked, but what's to see? Well culture, archetect (I know I spelt that wrong), people, pina coladas while walking down the street (which I did have 2 of them), um....funny looking cars....tell that to the kids. They didn't care for any of it and so the trip was pretty much a bust. Now if it was only an hour away, it would have been fine, but a 4 hour bus ride there and then 4 hours back only to spend 4 hours doing well...nothing....it was a bust. Oh well, live you learn and I've learned quite a bit....at least better questions to ask the people on the phone when calling from Canada.

One thing I did learn about our Key West trip was how to become a "back alley pumper"...I wasn't pumping on the bus with all the people surrounding me, nor in the washroom during the very short break where the women all ran to use the bathroom, instead I would hide behind restaurants, or in back alleyies whipping out the boobies to pump and dump just to keep my supply up. I did master that....and later on in the day, bathrooms too! I'll save you the pictures of that!

I'll end Part 1 with a pic of Key West...it really was a beautiful place, I LOVED the culture and it's very laid back, the streets always celebrating, I'd go back again, only without the kiddies. Poor things, and yet there were all so good about it, I've got awesome kids!

Can't post about Florida today...

2009-03-26T17:37:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone, I'm still working on my Florida trip post but I thought before I go into my joys of the trip, I wanted to dedicate this post to various people and their heartache and let them know that my prayers and thoughts are with them.

While I was away, so much had happened, and I'm just getting caught up now and trying to wrap my head around all the sadness that has come over the last little while.

I'm so sorry for those who have lost their babies, either through failed transfers or chemical pregnancies, or full out miscarriages. How devestating that must be and your pain follows me daily as I continue to pray for your healing, and eventual dreams coming true. It seems so unfair, but then again, what the hell is fair in this world? I'm angry, frustrated and sad for all of you who have felt this sort of heartache and for those who are going through it now.

Nicki, J and their Surrogate K
Mr and Mrs Duck and their Surrogate their Surrogate K,
and anyone else I might have missed as I try to catch up here.
I'm just so sorry.

I'm sorry for McMamma and what she is dealing with with her sick little guy. Reading all that he's been through with his little heart is so sad and brings me back to my own days of fear and anguish when I sat in the NICU with my own newborn. I hope they get a handle on it quickly and that the surgery will not have to be done, and I am truly inspired by your strong faith in God and that He will see you all through this. Prayers be with you.

I'm sorry for Nat who is back in the hospital AGAIN, fighting this nasty disease that seems relentless. I'm frustrated for her because I know how much she deserves to be out shopping for her new baby, or at the very least, home flipping through nursery designs and dolling out orders to hubby and the contractors...or whoever will be decorating the nursery. I'm sorry your back in the hospital, I know you say that your use to it, but from my end I feel frustrated for you and angry that you even have to go through it. My prayers and wishes for these 21 days to go quickly and that be the end of this infection and any other for a very long time.

There is just so much that I am thankful for, so much your struggles have made me realize I should be thankful for, and how easy it is to take for granted. Each day is humbling, each day is a blessing, and each day simple strangers in a blog world continue to inspire me. You and your stories and your throughts and struggles, and one day I expect to hear blogs about your sucesses, are inspiring, to see your strength, to see your love, to see your committment and drive. Thank you for sharing, even when it's hard, even when you don't want to say the words.

I'm praying for all of you and your loved ones to get through these trying times.

Sorry

2009-03-15T19:33:00.000-07:00

Didn't mean to scare anyone....

Hello from as you can see we made it to florida!
The drive went really well considering it was so long i was so proud, but the kids were awesome, not one fight!

My typing is terrible on the laptop....sorry so this will be brief....i just suck and am 1 finger typing...errrr.

Weather here is beautiful though i haven't been able to enjoy much today (first full day too) ...in fact today was a complete write off i was not happy.
I have been spending all my time doing home shit and i left to get away from it all!

NOW that it's done i can say that I don't mind.....it was worth it.....we sold the house!!!! It's conditional of course on building inspection and their financing but hopefully that will be done before i get back and we can start looking for a house!

For now i'm hoping to actually enjoy this vacation and take in the experience.Anyway just thought i'd check in and share the "almost big" news, it'll be big when the conditions are met...then I'll be celebrating.

Hope everyone is doing well in blog world...thinking of ya and will try to check in if i get a chance after our trip to key west.

Last Blog

2009-03-12T06:35:00.000-07:00

Before I go that is. Did you think you would get rid of me permanently??

Seriously, we head out tommorrow morning for a very long drive, but hopefully well worth it. I'm a bit nervous, we have never travelled this long with or without the kids, but most especially with the kids. I hope I've done enough planning and preparing that they make this drive okay...not much more I can do now except well...go!

I'm very excited, too excited. I keep checking the internet for the weather. I will be bringing my laptop and hopefully will be able to check in at least once to give an update and see how you are all, but honestly, I don't want to spend a whole lot of time on the computer, laptops are not good on the beach...lol. Also I'm not sure what kind of internet we'll get so, before I go some of you are in the middle of some big changes.

For those of you who are hoping for a BFP this coming week...I'm totally praying for you, even from miles away from home.

Those of you who are expecting...don't go any have any drama, let the pregnancy remain quiet and uneventful (unless it's happy events like ultrasounds and baby kicks), okay?

Those of you close to delivering...hold off until I get back! But if you can't, I wish you a safe delivery and happy ending.

And for those of you who follow along with my life's drama but are none of the above, I wish you a great week next week and look forward to catching up when I get back.

Tootles
A

I got an AWARD...

2009-03-11T04:18:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I've been nominated for an award....not sure what it's all about but I'll give it a try....

I'm not good a chain mail (which it sort of is) and don't really know enough people so I'm going to skip the nominating others thing....sorry, I guess that makes me the party pooper.

10 Honest things about me:

1. I am perfect.

No...... just kidding....... I'll be serious

1. I love to spend my day in my pajamas, not get dressed, throw my hair back. If I can make it to the time I wake up to the time I go to bed in the same jammies, I've had a good day.

2. I do not wash my hair everyday, sometimes if I can push it I will go 3 days.

3. I like to read a book when I'm committed in the bathroom. Okay maybe that one might be too much information....

4. I don't like shaving my legs in the winter and I rarely wear makeup unless pictures are involved or we're going out.

5. I'm a pretty happy person on a normal basis. I tend to look on the brighter side of things, and am more optimistic than others I know. I don't really get stressed out easily...though life can get overwhelming at times. Compounding things tend to stress me out rather than individual ones.

6. I'm pretty open, I don't have many secrets. Sometimes that can push people away, other times it's appreciated, depends on the person really.

7. Surrogacy has changed my life, my outlook on things, my view of others, my goals and visions, my everything. It has had a major impact on who I am now and what I strive for in the future. This includes surrogacy for me as well as supporting others through their own journies.

8. My kids are my world. I wish I could make them understand just how much I love them but they will never know. I would die without my babies and I know how truely lucky I am to have them.

9. My husband is my best friend and my biggest frustration all packaged into one.

10. I think I want another baby..............

Not Me Monday

2009-03-09T09:03:00.000-07:00

Not me, not me, not me....

Welcome to:

The day where I share with all of you just how "perfect" I've been this past week and all the things I can say "Not Me" about...hahaha

1. I have been planning a trip to the sunshine coast for next week. My eldest son had his report card day on Friday and I asked him "should I open it now or after the trip". I DID NOT give him that option because I didn't want to ruin MY trip being angry at him. (He chose the later by the way). I wouldn't do that because consequences should come right away and not be delayed because of a trip, but I am SOOOO looking forward to the trip and just want as much peace with a teenager as I can get.

2. I DID NOT get mad at my husband because his "cub leader schedule" is always top priority despite the fact there are many other things on the agenda in a week, some need higher priority. I would NOT get mad at him because I am understanding all the time of how important Boy Cubs is to him.

3. I DO NOT secretly resent the fact that I okayed him being a leader for another year and a row. I am not quietly hating Cubs because of how it constantly takes away from what I need.

4. I DID NOT start teaching my 5 year old how to play Chess, afterall it's a game that is way too advanced for her and just because "I" like it doesn't mean she will get it. It's never too late to start though right?

5. I DID NOT stay up till 3am reading a great Photo Lesson website that S sent me learning how to take great photos. 3 am is way too late for me to be up

6. I was NOT like a zombie the next day because of it...I am always chipper and happy.

7. I DO NOT get mad at my cat who likes to sit on my keyboard everytime I type....I am a good pet owner and I understand he just wants attention.

8. My little cat likes to hop and "chase and pounce" my feet in the middle of the night playfully. It's really quite cute, but for crying out loud it's the middle of the night! I did not shoot my leg up in the air so he would fall off the bed "accidently" because of his pouncing. I wouldn't do that, see above...I am a good pet owner.

9. I DO NOT enjoy reality TV. Afterall my life is much more interesting than someone elses life. Why is it that watching others lives and their struggles is so addicting?

10. Lastly, I have NOT fantasized about disappearing for a weekend all by myself. I love being a mom and wife, cook, maid, accountant, teacher, and all the other roles, however I missed the scrapbooking weekend retreat this year and am frustrated by the constant work and lack of "me" time.

11. I DID NOT go over to my neighbors open house, just to check out the competition. My house is for sale and I DID NOT comtemplate telling the other people who were at the open house to take a walk up the street to check mine out because it shows so much nice for less $$s.

That's me, my perfect self. Next Monday I won't be on because I'll be in Florida, but the following week I should have lots of wondering perfect experiences to share with you about my trip.

What "DIDN'T YOU DO" THIS WEEK?

My Crazy Life (well just this past week and a half)

2009-03-03T18:24:00.000-08:00

So much has been going on I don't even know where to start!

House:

The house is still on the market, we did get an offer, but it came in $30,000 lower than asking price. Like seriously, $30 grand, um don't even waste our time. We of course entertained it, afterall they might have just been trying to see where our bottom line was, and also said that if they didn't hit a certain point than don't bother coming back to us. They never came back. We had another open house this past Sunday and noone showed. Things are really starting to slow down...sigh, what will be will be. But we do have some showings, about 2 a week, so there is still small hope left. The market is just so bad...........

Hubby:

Not much new with him, just his crazy ol self. He's a bit stressed about this trip for a couple of reasons. His preference for a trip in a tent in the backyard, he's not a good travelor and gets very anxious...it actually affects his bodily functions. But he's handling it well I think, leaving me up to most of the details, which is the way I like it...wink wink.

But his job is not in good standing right now either and I think that adds to his stress levels too. We may have to go on the workshare program where he doesn't work Fridays and the gov. pays 55% of his wage loss for 26 weeks. We will survive if it's only 26 weeks but if this economy lasts a long time it will hurt us. Of course we find this out AFTER we booked the trip and cannot get a refund on hotel or car, since most of it has been booked on AirMiles Collector Points...they don't give those back if you cancel. So we're going, besides we need this and can worry about everything else when we get back...it will all still be there anyway.

Ian's pretty stressed about it, but I'm not. I trust in God and that He will take care of us. We may go through some challenges and have to make sacrifices to survive this dreadful economic crisis but in the end we will be stronger and better for it, and no matter what, we will have each other and WILL survive. I try not to stress about financial matters, because really, their just financial matters, not what really matters most, besides my hubby does enough of that for the 2 of us.

Kids:

T my DD is just a doll. She's really getting an attitude and I say that in the nicest way possible. It's actually pretty cute coming from a 5 year old, you know the DIVA in her. But I will be curbing that because it's not so cute when she's 10 or 14 for that matter.

My middle guy B is doing great also, just trucking along as per usual. He's been doing some ice skating through school which is pretty amazing considering he doesn't walk all that great. The school hummed and hawed about it, but I made sure that they tried and he's been okay thus far. He's really looking forward to the trip to the ocean.

A, my oldest son is well, turning into a typical teenager, very typical. I beg him to hang out with me, pry questions about his day from him, with the usual response of "good" or "fine", and always am trying to find ways to engage him...not so easy, but not impossible ALL of the time. Sometimes I can actually get him to respond...lol. I know it's a phase, but it's tough as a mom to see your baby pull away and being a first time mom to a teenager, I'm goofing up a lot as I go. Where's the book on raising a teenager??? LOL. We did however have a big milestone, and that was to visit his new highschool he'll be going to next year, and getting him registered. If we move he won't be going there, but we needed to have him registered just in case. That was pretty exciting, and a little scary too...highschools are just not the same as when I grew up.

Not much new with me. I'm pumping milk to donate to a baby here in my area. I know I know, I'm crazy, I know. First I allow myself to dry up, but I had all this milk in my freezer that I just couldn't throw out. I was going to give it to my former IM but then her 8month old baby stopped taking the bottle altogether. So I went onto MilkShare (a milk donation site much like craigslist where you find donors and recipients) and there was a mom with a 4 month old baby only 40 mins from me. We started talking and well, since I still had small amounts of milk I offered to reinstate my supply so I could donate long term, as well as gave her the 116oz I had. So for the last week I have been on much the same protocols as what people do to induce lactation through the Dr Newman site are on, and been pumping like crazy. I did think it would be easier since I was still kind of lactating but it's not, it's been a struggle and I've managed to get up to 4oz per day so far. Seems to be going up about an oz a day.

Funny but right after I found someone, my former IM called and asked if I had donated it already, that she'd gotton baby to take the bottle afterall and wanted it....shucks...

Why you might ask...I know it's crazy and wasn't even my idea. I said to my hubby one night that I wished I knew about MilkShare prior and that I wouldn't have stopped pumping to begin with. He then said to me "well why don't you now?" and that's how the idea came to me to do so. I think I'm doing it for a couple of reasons, 1. It's good for me, prevents cancer and good for weight loss and getting back into shape and 2. It's something to do, something I can do to continue to give back in some little way but that does not involved jumping into another pregnancy...and trust me those urges are there. I want to wait, I'm waiting for a very good reason, for a few good reasons, and then I will decide. But from now until summer at least, I'll be pumping and donating. It makes me feel good about myself. If your looking for donor milk I would advise checking out their site.

Hmmm, what else....I got my first cycle, so my fertility and body is pretty much back to normal. Right on time, like clockwork, which is good considering all the drugs I've taken over the past 3 years with cycling for egg donation or surrogacy. I'm glad I got it now and not on our vacation. Should be all done for when I hit the beach!

That's about it, our life in a nutshell, well at least for the past week or so. Thanks to those who continue to follow along, I also love reading your blogs too.

Have I mentioned yet??

2009-03-03T11:11:00.000-08:00

That we are taking off and getting out of this Gosh forbidden winter?? Yup you heard right I've had enough and we are heading south for 7 beautiful days. We leave on Friday the 12th? and Don't come back till the following Saturday. So where are we going?? you might be asking, well there is a story behind it and you know me, I love to tell a good story, hehehehe.

For years I have wanted to take the kids South, Florida, South Carolina, Mexico, whereever there is ocean and lots of HOT weather.

I have travelled quite a bit in my lifetime, I've lived in BC and Alberta, we drove acrossed from the West Coast of Canada to here in Ontario so I"ve seen every province west of me. 7 years ago we went to New York with the kids, way south, down by Ganaquoie (I know I spelt that one very wrong), cause everyone around here has done the Buffalo route one too many times (so that doesn't count)...4 years ago we too a trip to Quebec, and Ottawa, and so this year I was tried of doing the same ol Canada vacation and wanted to head where it's warm year round.

I've been getting so cranky with this weather, -22 currently, it really sucks and can affect your mood especially my mood. So I thought what a better way to cheer me up than hit the ocean in sunny land somewhere in the USA. I know I've have to come back to crummy weather but the trip would give me the "umph" I needed to get through the next 2 months or so, till we start to warm up.

We have been wanting to do this for awhile, I finally stopped procrastinating and making excuses not to and booked a trip to South Carolina!!! Horray!!!! I was so excited, got a really nice hotel, all the kids are going, we're driving down and since I dont' want to ruin my own cars, we rented one to take, planned out the internary, and was all ready to go.....then I started watching the weather down there......sigh. 13 degrees, ugh, a lousy 13, some places dipping down to -1. I'm not spending a ton of money to go visit another winter place.........errrrrrr!!!!!!!

So last minute, like literally last week I decided; what can it hurt to travel 8 more hours south? It was a 16 hour drive to South Carolina, now it will be a 23 hour drive (of course it would take longer since we're stopping now and then), but it will be warmer, MUCH WARMER! Miami here we come!!! Now I've done the Florida thing twice, as well as Bahamas once, so really I didn't WANT to go there AGAIN, I wanted to see something new, but the kids are coming and we have to be careful with money, with 4 kids (my son is bringing a friend) and 2 adults, it gets pretty expensive. This will be the first time the kids have ever seen Palm trees so it will be well worth the 3rd trip to the Sunshine Coast, and you know what...if there is sunshine and ocean, and maybe even warm enough to swim in the ocean, than at this point I don't care where I go.

So last week and this past weekend, I have been changing all the travel plans to Miami Florida, book all the hotels and re-route the maps, plan an iternary, cause I'm a planner, especially with things like this and that's why I've been so crazy busy, researching, investigating, planning and preparing for our trip we leave for in less than 2 weeks!

I"m so excited I can barely sleep! I have been reading and trying to keep up with the blogs though, if I missed yours, it's been noted already and your next on my list.

Just wanted to also shout out to Mr. and Mrs. Duck who are now expecting a duckling or two!!! CONGRATS

Question for my blogger friends:
I have been doing some research on the Miami Go Cards, anyone know if they are worth the money? Seem like a pretty good deal but want to make sure it's not a scam or there isn't some inside information or things I should know/watch out for. You know the fine print innocent people always miss?

Not Me Monday

2009-02-23T16:14:00.000-08:00

Yup, another Monday come and gone, another week come and gone, and February is almost over, THANK GOODNESS! Spring is near and I'm so excited. But for now, I'll have to distract you with all the wonderful things I did NOT do this past week. If you want to hear what others didn't do either, you can head over to McMama's site http://www.mycharmingkids.net/ and check out all the others "Not Me Mondays", or maybe even join in on the fun. Remember to register over there so others can see all the things you didn't do too!

So here goes:

1. I did NOT ignore phone calls this week, I am diligent and on top of things and would NEVER ignore certain people. I DO NOT use Caller ID to screen people, oh no, that wouldn't be very nice. But I have to say some people do call at the WORST TIMES, but even still I would NEVER do that.

2. I did NOT dress up as a princess and have my hair and nails done with my 5 year old daughter. That would make me look very silly. I NEVER accidently walked out of the house with a pink princess hat on either, forgetting it was still there.

3. I was a good momma this week. I did NOT laugh at my son when he walked into the wall. But it WAS so funny, and I should have taken a picture of his dumbfounded face. Thankfully he was laughing too or else it really wouldn't have been nice.

4. I do NOT reward my kids with food items. No no no, that would be bad. But it works soooo well!

5. My daughter loves to help out, grocery shopping she will unload the grocery cart happily on the counter, then help bag it and put it back in the cart. I did NOT allow her to unload the entire cart of $200 of groceries on her own.....(she wanted to) while I sat and read a magazine, secretly wondering how I can get her to do this EVERY time. I did NOT then give her $2.00 for all her help, in which she said she would help out more if I gave her more money....

6. I did NOT contemplate being really cheap and only give her a quarter for her help. Afterall I knew she wouldn't know the difference, thankfully I'm still a good mom with a conscience and didn't do it but rather gave her a toonie.

7. During long(ish) line ups at stores I do NOT open up a smut/celebrity magazine and read it when I have no intentions of paying for it. I do NOT do it as a distraction so that I don't get frustrated over how long people are taking. When I am alone at a store, I NEVER stand at the end of the counter, after paying and continue reading because an article is so good I can't put the magazine back to go home yet.

8. I did NOT eat 5 ice cream bars this week, nope NOT me. But they were so good!

9. I am NOT going to go now and bake brownies with my kids so we can have a yummy snack just before bed. That wouldn't be a healthy snack most especially before bedtime.

Goodnight everyone, hope your Monday was a marvelous one!!!

I need a moment

2009-02-20T16:36:00.000-08:00

And a space to write this out, I am in shock still and not sure where to start.

Those that know me, also know my son, my middle son Bailey that is. He was born with Oliviro Ponto Cerebellar Atrophy. Many moons ago I went on various boards/groups/websites to see if I could connect or find someone else with the same condition. I would search hours and hours and hours, days spent just trying to get someone who can relate and some anwsers. I knew it was a long shot since the doctors told me that there was noone else on record or in case history, that there was only 11 kids from Hymalasia (sp?) that were only studied to the age of 2, and that was it. They don't know why he has what he does, I was told it was either 1. fluke, or 2. A recessive gene disorder where both mine and my husbands genes combined.

Bailey was about 5 when I gave up the search for someone else, it was useless, there was nothing out there.....so I thought.

Out of the blue the other day I get an email saying that she read my post from many moons ago on a cerebellar site (Bailey is almost 12 now) and wanted to know more about him. She shared a video of her daughter, and I BAWLED, like a little baby!!! It was ridicioulous, but to think there was another person out there who can relate, whose child has the same thing mine does, whose video was an EXACT replica of my own son...

my husband put it so well...."it's like being on a deserted island thinking noone is there for years and then all of a sudden someone shows up".

I gave her my number and last night we talked, I had just finished bawling from watching her video and sent her an email when she called, within minutes. So naturally I hadn't yet composed myself and when I heard her voice, I just started crying again! This is NOT hormones, this was a huge sense of overwhelming, shock, elation and relief from a mom whose done it alone for the past 12 years never knowing from one day to the next just what to expect. Never knowing a prognosis, or what the future may bring, never having anyone to judge this condition by. I can't even describe those emotions when I realized I was not alone.

During our conversation she shared more about her daughter, I about my son and they are almost identical. Her daughter has the diagnosis of Cerebellar Hypoplasia...funny how my son was labelled something different and yet both of our kids have the same thing, not just in disability but in MRI scans (both have underdeveloped brain stems, pons, cerebellums and olives), both have almost the same visual impairments, both are Deaf and use sign, both had G-tubes to feed the first year, both were born without the suck/swallow/gag reflexes and had to learn them, both had the same balance problems, and so on and so on...both have struggled to succeed and both our children are succeeding.

I later learned that there are a number of people out there I can connect with, so I will be doing that over this weekend although they have not progressed the same as what our kids have...many are adults and can't walk, some have died...etc. etc. Even still I plan to get more info and restart my research, I just gotta see who is out there.

Want to know the real shocker???!!!???

We both were at the very same hospital for our newborns going through tests and figuring out what was wrong, just 3 (yes 3) months apart. She was there with her newborn struggling to find a diagnosis for her daughter 3months earlier, and stayed a month there....I came after with my newborn, same age, same hospital, same conditions. Strange.

To top it off and kind of got me a little frustrated was that just 3 months earlier she was there, and you think her neurologist and my neurologist talked? NOPE. I was told there was noone else, she the same.

They're the same clinic for crying out load, same hospital, same rooms, they see each other every day and I imagine or at least HOPED they were sharing information on complicated patients like ours.

And whats more, same thing with the genetic doctors, same clinic different docs, and you think THEY would hook up and chat about things trying to figure out our kids who were really a puzzle to the docs...NOPE, same thing, they have no clue, don't know why, and never seen another case like it.

AHHHHH!!!!!

Anyway, I was all willing to get together and have our kids meet, maybe out for a coffee, she; I think; was not looking for that. It's kind of sad, it would have been nice to have someone who can relate, and we could have swapped stories and shared ideas, as our kids goals are much the same, as well as their struggles, but she didn't seem like that was what she was looking for.

I asked her how come she contacted me and if she was looking for someone to connect or if she was just seeking information or just curious, and she came right out and said "No, no connecting, she was just curious". OKAY...at least she was honest. I can take a hint.

Even so, even if I never talk to her ever again, which I don't think I will, it was nice to know I'm not alone, my son is not alone, and she did give me some resources too.

What a crazy couple of days.

What's to do?

2009-02-17T15:22:00.000-08:00

On a Tuesday? I've just been checking out other people's blogs today and seeing if I can find a good one on Photography and tips and how-tos. I can't figure out how to seach for particular blogs, but I have found a couple (or should I say they found me), thank you. Anyway, I think I'm going to enroll myself in a photography class, just for general interest...we'll see, time is not on my side these days, especially evenings.

So for now does anyone got any tips for me on taking good photos? The camera I'm working with is the Sony Cybershot DSC-H50, we just got it so upgrading is not an option, LOL.

Not Me Monday

2009-02-16T19:11:00.000-08:00

Another Monday, another day of pure perfection. Just a reminder that this is a fun thing to do on Mondays introduced by McMamma at http://www.mycharmingkids.net/ where you share all the things you "didn't do" because we'll it's nice to be so perfect!

1. I have been trying to get my body back in shape by eating healthy and walking more...still some postpartum weight I'd like to loose, as well as pre-pregnancy weight too. Well, I did NOT sit down and eat a 400gram milk chocolate bar in just a few hours. I would never ever do that because it would be so damaging to my efforts thus far. I have the ultimate of self control.

2. I did NOT set up the Wii, and open up the Wii Fit for the first time and have the kids check it out. I did NOT sit on my couch and wish I could get up and do something while my kids proved once again their never ending engery. I did NOT then pack it away and pretend like I never opened it. Definately NOT me, I love exercising.

3. I did NOT want to yell or slap someone for the way they treat my daughter. Though I have the self control not to really do that, the thought NEVER crossed my mind, I don't think bad things.

4. I did NOT wish bad things to happen to someone else because they seem to have it too easy when I feel they didn't deserve it or earn it, while others suffer who deserve and have earned some good in their life and never get it. Why is that? Why do some who really do all the right things get the crappy end of the deal, while others who take advantage of things seems to fly by with ease? I did NOT wish those things because of the feelings of my own inadequacies.

5. I did NOT feel guilty for wishing for that bad thing to happen, because that would mean I made a mistake and have regrets, remember I'm perfect, I make no mistakes.

6. I did NOT lie to my sweet angel daughter that we had no money for rides in Niagara Falls simply because I didn't want to outright tell her I didn't want to WASTE the money on some silly ride she already did 2 times before.

7. I would NEVER sweep the dirt under the rug because I was in a hurry and the house was having a showing at 4pm today on FAMILY DAY just after we got back from Niagara. I would NEVER EVER do that, tisk tisk. **Though I did clean it up right after the showing.

8. I NEVER considered saying No to a showing today because I'm sick and tired after just over two weeks of living in a museum and wanted a day to just relax.

9. I of course DID NOT sit acrossed the street at a park with my family spying on the people who came to see the house today. Thankfully it was a nice day and the kids liked going to the park. But I would NEVER spy.

10. I did NOT think about calling in sick tommorrow because it seems that I need a vacation after my vacation...(even though my vacation was only 1 day...lol)

A pretty good week of all the things I NEVER did....what DIDN'T you do?

Valentines Day...

2009-02-14T17:35:00.000-08:00

Is just a commercial holiday where men are forced to go out and buy their significant other some overpriced bouquet of flowers and a shit load of chocolate most of us women don't really need. Um, yeah, can you tell I really don't get the Valentines Day thing? Christmas, I'm in, but Valentines?

Maybe it's because I'm not really a "romantic", sure I have my moments, but really that depends on the mood and time of month and well, how tired I am, but really I"m not a mushy lovely dovey kind of person, have never been. (With my kids it's very different though).

I just don't get the whole Valentines Day thing....I mean why should there be one day of the year put aside where spouses or significant others go out of their way to show how much they love the other? Shouldn't that be a daily occurance? Why does it take a marked holiday on the calendar for one to buy the other flowers, jewelery, or go out on a date? Shouldn't that come from ones heart on the desire to do so rather than because it's an obligation due to the date on the calendar?

To me Valentines Day is just an excuse for flower, chocolate and jewelery stores to rack up their prices, and restaurants to make their dig in your wallet, in an attempt to put aside one day of "love". Love is not one day of the year, but rather should be every day and should be shown regularly.

We in our marriage/house do not really celebrate Valentines, can you tell? Sure hubby got me a box of chocolates and a dollar store card, and I got him a dollar store card too, but that's the extent of it, no overpriced dinner out...though I did consider getting McDonalds tonight.

For us the more important dates are the ones WE set, like our anniversary....will be 9 years this coming August and that's a special day and one where we celebrate our marriage and love and committment for each other. Other than that, each day is a celebration, and date night, flowers and gifts is not just for once a year but when we have the opportunity and desire to give.

I respect that many people DO celebrate Valentines, so I do want to wish you all a Happy Valentines, I do hope that it was everything you wanted it to be. What's more, HAPPY FAMILY DAY!!!!, I just love this new holiday and wish that everyone takes that day and spends it with their loved ones and enjoys this new holiday together, as a family.